This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend just left me because I always give weird nicknames to my penis...

I guess I'll have to take Matters into my own hands now...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife refuses to have sex with me until I stop referring to my penis by different nicknames

I guess it’s time to take Matters into my own hands

Why is it easy to come up with nicknames for a tree?

Because they stick.

I came up with this one, I hope it's good cause it's my only achievement in life.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So someone has anonymously complained that I've given inappropriate nicknames to my female co-workers

I'm not sure who it is but I've strong suspicion it might be Bitchface Bigtits....

Me and my girlfriend have nicknames for each other; I call her thunder and she calls me lightning.

I’m lightning because I always come first

I always liked cute nicknames...

My parents called me "disgrace"

I wish I was still with my girlfriend I loved the nicknames she would call me

Baby,
Get out of my house,
Who are you,
Stop,

I still miss her

A man, his wife and his friend just finished diner

"It was absolutely delicious, honey! Thank you so much, princess." says the man to his wife in the kitchen. "Could you please fetch us two beers later, baby?"

His friend says: "It is very cute that you still have nicknames for her after so long time."

The man responds: "Well, I forgot ...

My wife left me because she didn’t like the nicknames I came up with for my own body parts

But it’s fine, with Handjalina Jolie and Jennifer Handiston I don’t need her anyway

My ex girlfirend

My ex-girlfriend used to give me nicknames whilst giving me head.


"The Impaler" was my favourite.


Well, at least, that's what I thought she said....


Turns out she's asthmatic and it's my fault she died.

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Why Men Are Happier

NICKNAMES

If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will e...

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Me and my girlfriend like to give each other dirty nicknames during sex

I think its really cute how she calls me "wrong hole" all the time.

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This is such a bad joke but my brain made me write it out so I'm making all of you suffer, too.

A man named Martin absolutely hates elections, and when it comes time to elect a new mayor, or president, Martin never bothers to vote. He also makes it known to people that he hates elections and never participates in them. Martin is into cars, and constantly brags about his Ferrari, which also vex...

My German friend asked me if there were any nicknames for blind people in America...

Apparently, not-see was the wrong answer.

Our boss just banned overly specific nicknames

and the whole office is staring at Rat Snitch Brian The Good Time Ruiner

Nicknames

Three woman who were good friends would meet at the laundromat once a week to talk while washing their clothes. All of the woman were dating men named john, so one week they decided to make up nicknames to call their men so that they could tell them apart.

One of the women says, "let's name o...

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A terrible joke from my childhood

Three friends all were in the same class at school. They all had nicknames for eachother that were Dick, Pee and Zip. These names caught on and soon everyone, even teachers, refered to them by their nicknames.

One day they were all in class and their teacher left the room and the three boys t...

I was talking to my friend about nicknames...

Like how “Maddie” is short for “Madeline” or “Alex” for “Alexander”

-“But wait, how do you get ‘Dick’ from ‘Richard?’”

You ask nicely

Don't you hate it when people refers to themselves in 3rd person? Or when people give themselves nicknames?

Well, sorry but.. Daddy does both.

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Since we're doing translations, here's one from Mexico:

On the first day back from summer vacation, the teacher asked the students what they did over the summer and if they got any nicknames.


Juan goes first: "I spent my summer working with my dad laying bricks!"
Teacher: "did you have a nickname?
Juan: "Yes, the brick mason's son"
...

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Penis nicknames

My ex-girlfriend nicknamed my penis after her favorite rapper, Biggie. So I nicknamed her boobs after my favourite country band, Rascal Flatts.

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