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Nicknamed Jokes

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I'm married, but I have a mistress named Ophelia who I've nicknamed "Off".

So when the wife and I have an argument and she tells me to go Fuck Off, I have a clear conscience

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a man nicknamed Onestone

He was given that name as he only had one testicle. One day he was tired of everyone calling him that and he proclaimed that he would kill anyone who called him that from now on. Years went by, no one dared to call him onestone. However, a woman named Yellowbird forgot and called out to him shouting...

I nicknamed my ex girlfriend Australia

Because she has lots of scary things in her bush.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've nicknamed my penis 'Elbow'.

It's flexible, It's hard,

And my mum doesn't like it on the table during dinner.

I have a printer nicknamed Bob Marley

Because it's always Jammin'

My girlfriend nicknamed me the "Microwave Meal"

Thirty seconds on full power and I'm finished.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why was the prostitute nicknamed FEMA?

Every time she hooked up with someone, she gave them aids.

A man named his children second, minute and hour, and thus he was nicknamed father time

One day, they was all in their house and a robber burst through the front door and said, 'nobody move!' When recalling the event, second said, it was like time stood still'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

“My best mate at school was nicknamed Lampost.”

“Was he tall and thin?”

“No he smelled like dog piss.”

My friend is an unemployed circus clown. We nicknamed him Pennywise.

His career is in the gutter.

Today there's been another gruesome murder by the killer that police have nicknamed "The knitting needles killer"

Police fear he may be working to a pattern

The scale in the bathroom is nicknamed Buzz Lightyear.

When I step on it goes to infinity and beyond.

I've nicknamed my grandad Spiderman.

He doesn't have any superpowers, he just can't climb out of the bath.

Have you ever nicknamed somebody Penny..

because they didn't make a lot of sense?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

'NSFW' I nicknamed my dick 'U.S. Military Presence'

Because it never pulls out.

My girlfriend moans every time we go swimming, so I've nicknamed her Jesus.

Because she's always turning water into whine.

Since Trump nicknamed Kim Jun-Un Rocket Man, when Christmas comes along..

he can call him missile toe.

Joke originally told by my coworker today, who is a master of puns.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Penis nicknames

My ex-girlfriend nicknamed my penis after her favorite rapper, Biggie. So I nicknamed her boobs after my favourite country band, Rascal Flatts.

There used to be a girl nicknamed Rudolph at my school, not because she had a red nose...

...but because she used to go down in history.

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