While teaching in a junior high school class, the teacher questions a girl.

Teacher: name the thing in human body that can increase upto 4 times in excitement.

Girl: *infuriated * do you really thing this is the right question to ask a girl, I know what you're talking about and you should be ashamed.

Teacher: not only you're wrong, your expectations gonna disa...

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The chicks at my junior highschool are awesome - today the hottest girl in my English class passed me a note saying she would blow me after school.

I fuckin love my new teaching job!

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Billy Bob and Joe Junior are out hunting.

A rattle snake bites Joe Junior on the dick.



So Billy Bob phones 911. He says "Help me please. My friend has been bitten by a rattle snake."

The operator says "Okay. What I need you to do is put your mouth on the wound and suck out the poison."

So Joe Junior says "What...

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[long] John McClane and Hans Gruber sat next to each other in Spanish class as kids at Nakatomi Plaza Junior High School...

One day the *Profesora* said, "we're going to have a vocab quiz, but we're going to do it as a game, make a competition out of it. I'm going to say a word in English, and you and the person sitting next to you compete to see who can give me the Spanish equivalent faster." She turned to the first pai...

Told my dad that 12 boys from a junior football team are lost in a flooded cave in Thailand.

Dad: They should call a priest.

Me: Dad! They could still be alive.

Dad: Yes I believe that they are still alive as well, just toss a priest in the cave and he'll find those boys real quick.

Blackbeard the pirate sends his son BB Junior to kindergarten

As its the first day, the teachers want to gauge how smart each child is.

"who can sing the Alphabet" enquires the teacher

'Y'arrrr I can" says BB Junior

"Ok BB, go ahead" the teacher encourages

BB stands up full of confidence
"A B C C C C C C C D E F..."

"Stop...

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Junior Builder....

A young family moved into a house next door to an empty plot. One day, a gang of building workers turned up to start building on the plot.

The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers.

She ...

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A joke my dad sent me today but I translated it to English

Jack was bored out of his mind in the classroom on a friday afternoon, as were many of his friends. The teacher noticed this and came up with a small challenge to get their attention back to her.

"Alright, class. I tell you a famous saying and the first one to tell me who said it doesn't hav...

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Whale junior: Dad, where did I come from?

Papa whale: From my penis.

Whale junior: Umm thanks?

Papa whale: You're whalecum

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The best blow job I ever got was in junior high.

God I love being a teacher

The CEO of a large cooperation was giving advice to a junior executive.

"I was young, married and out of work," he lectured. "I took the last nickel I had and bought an apple. I polished it and sold it for a dime. The next day I bought two apples, polished them and sold them for ten cents each."

"I see," said the junior executive. "You kept reinvesting your money...

I would have won the Junior Olympics too...

..if it weren't for you medalling kids.

A priest and a rabbi walk by a junior high school...

The priest peers inside and says "Hey. Let's go inside and screw some little boys."

The rabbi responds "Out of what?"

One day Mom was cleaning junior's room

and in the closet she found a bondage S+M magazine. This was highly upsetting for her. She hid the magazine until his father got home and showed it to him. He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word. She finally asked him, " Well what should we do about this?" Dad looked at her and sai...

I studied abroad the first semester of my junior year

Then she closed her blinds

Two junior doctors were involved in a fight in the hospital

Two junior doctors were involved in a fight in the hospital. A senior consultant had to pull them apart.
"What's all this about?" asked the consultant angrily.
"It's the Tax Inspector in C ward," said one.
"He's only got 2 days to live."
"He had to be told." said the second doctor.
"I...

One day Junior brings his Grandfather to school to share his stories as a Franco-American fighter pilot during WW2

His stories are wonderfully delightful and told with a thick French accent, while gesturing wildly using his hands to describe the movement of the airplanes.

“Zee fawkers fly like zees. Zen I fly like zees. Then zee fawkers fly back like zees, zen I pull up like zees. I shoots zee fawkers ri...

Two good ol’ boys, Bubba and Junior get promoted

from Privates to Sergeants.

Not long after, they’re out for a walk and Bubba says, “Hey, Junior - there’s the NCO Club. Let’s you and me stop in and have us a drank.”

“But we’s privates,” protests Junior.

“NO, we’s sergeants now,” says Bubba, pulling him inside “Now, Junior...

Why did Toronto host the (hockey) World Junior Championships?

They wanted to see what a winning team looked like.

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Why don't Junior League debutantes engage in group sex?

Too many thank you notes to write afterwards.

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Doctors of reddit - who is that one patient you really wish you'd seen again?

It was actually during my junior year. A man, about 50, came in with walking difficulties - you could tell he was really struggling when he arrived at the surgery and even looked uncomfortable when he sat down. I was expecting a leg, hip or even back complaint but once the door was shut he admitted ...

A little girl lived next to a Firehouse.

Inspired by the activity when the firemen would respond to an emergency, she decided she wanted to be just like them.She took her little red wagon and rolled up a garden hose and stuck it to the wagon.Then she fixated a crude,makeshift ladder.Finally she grabbed a rope,tied one end to the front of h...

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I had a stutter when I was a kid

It was embarrassing and all of the other kids made fun of me for most of my life. Finally, when I was a junior in highschool, my parents sent me to a doctor.
“D-d-doctor”, says I, “p-p-please help me. I h-h-h-have this terrible stutter”
Doc said “Son, I have some bad news for you....your peni...

On Kashyyyk, Chewbacca's homeworld, would amateur junior-level warriors be called Rookie Wookies?

:)

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A Dad is walking past his teen son's open bedroom door and hears the sounds of masturbation.

Looking inside his assumption is confirmed. "Son, relax, you're not in trouble, you've done nothing wrong." Junior is frozen in shock by his Dad. Dad continues, "You should just save that till after you're married." Dad then walks away and nothing else is said.

Years later, Dad is once ag...

Rednecks in NYC

A redneck and his son visit New York City for the first time. They walk into a hotel and see an elevator.

"What's that thing, pa?" the redneck kid asks.

"I got no idea junior" the redneck dad says.

Just then, the doors open and an elderly woman steps in. The doors close. A few s...

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Paddy was on his deathbed and knew the end was near...

...His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons are with him at his home in Belfast .
He asks for 2 independent witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes.

When all is ready he begins to speak:
"My son Seamus, I want you to take the houses in Cultra...

I'm so good at programming I don't even need to test before I ship code.

Sent my program last week and haven't heard of any problems since!

Signed,
Richard
Junior Helicopter Auto-Pilot Software Developer

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Do I have to draw you a picture?

Son: "Dad, a kid got in trouble at school today for saying "bitch" and "pussy", what does that mean?"

Dad: Grabs an old muffler shop calendar and a marker. "Look here Junior." Dad uses the marker and circles the genitalia of the nude Miss December, then points. "That right there, that i...

Whose going to know?

There was a pastor at a local church who loved to golf, he would try to golf as much as possible whenever he could. He would always watch out for the weather to check if there were any days for golfing.

Now, it so happened that one of the days was the coming Sunday. So, the pastor called in s...

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A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor for help.The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervious I take a sip."

So the next ...

What do Iron Man and Katie Price have in common?

They have both had a Downey Junior Inside of them

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Three guys are working at a zoo's gorilla exhibit...

Three zookeepers are working at the gorilla exhibit and the zoo's twelve year old female gorilla, Chloe, is in heat. Chloe is behaving aggressive towards the other female gorillas and tearing her own enclosure apart. The three zookeepers know they must do something quick to calm her down. They MUST ...

After a 10 day journey, the turtle family finally arrives to the picnic location...

Upon arrival, mama turtle realizes they forgot the ketchup.

“Junior, please go back and fetch the ketchup”

“No way! You’ll start without me”

“Don’t worry, we’ll wait for you”

“I don’t believe you”

“We promise not to start without you”

Reluctantly, Junior lea...

A delicate corporate matter

All of the 10 Senior Members of the Board of Directors of the Company were called into the Chairman’s office one by one . . . until only Bob, the junior-most Member, was left sitting outside.

Finally it was his turn to be summoned . . .

He entered the Office to find the Chairman...

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A moth goes to the pediatrist.

The pediatrist asks him what the problem is. The moth sighs and says, “Well...it’s my job. I’ve been at the mill for nigh on two decades and I have begun to feel like I’m just plugging along waiting for the end. I’m still working toward something, but I thought by the time I got to be this age I’d h...

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Rules to live by

Several of us local retired pilots were asked to address a junior high gathering put on by the PTA.

I was the only speaker to show up, so I had the stage to myself. I talked about staying in school, getting good grades and all that usual bullshit; and since I had plenty of time because those...

Amen

During  Sermon at a Sunday service , the Pastor  said: "If I had all the Beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river".

And the congregation  cried, "Amen! "
"And if I had all the Wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it in the river".
And the congregation cried: "Amen!...

A little boy goes on a train ride...(long)

A thought occurs to him, so he looks up at his Mom and says, "Mommy, if big dogs have little dogs and big cats have little cats and big people have little people, why don't big trains have little trains?" Well, Mom doesn't want to engage in a "birds and bees" lesson with junior, so she punts and re...

You Might Be An Extreme Redneck If...

You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of HER kids.

The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.

You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You think a woman who is out of your league b...

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My dad explained the working world to me this way :

Imagine everyone are birds on hanging wires. The birds on different levels of overhead hanging electrical wires are a representation of positions of power in a company.

Birds on the highest level are your CEOs. Likewise, as the levels decrease, so do the positions. The lower levels contain th...

Russia. Little Boris comes running to his alcoholic father.

"Daddy, daddy! I just heard that vodka has risen in price. That means you'll be drinking less from now on?"

"No, junior. That means you'll be eating less," the father replies.

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Some facts of Zlatan Ibrahimovic:

1 - When he was 10 years old, Zlatan decided to live by himself. And his parents just moved to another house.

2 - Zlatan lost his virginity even before his parents.

3 - One day Zlatan did a test in a lie detector machine. The machine confessed everything.

Arsenal - When Zlatan ...

President Trump is visiting LA, when he decides to take the limousine to home

After a while, bored Donald Jr. asks "are we there yet?"

Trump puts his hand out of the limo window and says "no, we're still in California."

After a long while, Junior asks "are we there yet?"

Trump puts his hand out of the limo window and says "no, we're now in Midwest."
...

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A grandpa is enjoying some beer on his porch

A grandpa is enjoying some beer on his porch when his grandson walks up to him and asks "grandpa, can I try some beer?"

"Can your dick touch your asshole?" The grandpa replies

"Umm, no?."

"Then you're too young to try this beer"

Later that evening grandpa was enjoying a ...

A little boy swallows a nickel.

His mother panics and starts hitting him hard on the back. Suddenly he coughs up two dimes. She doesn't know what to do so she calls her husband.

"Junior swallowed a nickel, and when I patted him on the back he coughed up two dimes. What do I do?" she cried.

"Keep feeding him nickels!"...

At this point I feel that there's probably nothing self-incriminating in his tax returns.

Or else Donald J. Trump or Junior would have tweeted it out to the public.

Little Johnny grows up and people now call him Me. Johnson and his son goes to school

So Junior Johnny's teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it.
One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says "teacher, I'll bet you $50 I can guess what color your underwear is."
She replies, "okay,...

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[NSFW] [LONG] A 5 year old boy is watching his dad work on the car with his neighbor Bob

The boy asks "daddy, what does it sound like when bird sees another bird?"

The father drops a wrench "tweet tweet tweet. I'm working junior."

Father and Bob go back to working on the car. The little boy's eyes perk up.

"Daddy, what do dogs say when they are happy to see a...

A Chinese man goes to see an eye doctor (Racist)

After the examination, the doctor says "You have a cataract."


The Chinese guy replies, "No, I have a Rincoln Continentar."



Courtesy of Junior in the Sopranos

Rabbi Joke (oldie)

A woman comes in to see her Rabbi and says "my husband doesn't listen to anything I say, I think he doesn't appreciate me!"

"You are right" replies the Rabbi nodding solemnly, and the woman leaves satisfied.

The next day, the husband comes into see the Rabbi and says "my wife told me t...

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A trainee priest is learning how to take confession

A trainee priest is learning how to take confession. The senior priest tells him "I'll be outside here if you need guidance on what punishments to give"

A little old lady comes in and says "Forgive me father, i took the lords name in vain" The junior priest sticks his head out of the confessi...

In the past, U.S.A. has had for president.....

Bush senior, Bush junior and now Bush groper.

Good Morning

When I first started college, the Dean came in and said "Good Morning" to all of us. When we echoed back to him, he responded, "Ah, you're Freshmen."

Then he explained:

"When you walk in and say good morning, and they say good morning back, they're Freshmen.

"When they put their...

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Southern ball in need of two male guests.

A lady of the plantation in a southern state was holding a ball in her wonderful country house. With most of the local well-to-do's attending and a great portion of her extended family (those who she did invite, of course) coming as well, she found herself with a problem.


Her two nieces w...

Found this joke online thought I'd share it

Bubba and Junior were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.

A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. "We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder." The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pol...

Custody trial

Momma bear and papa bear are in court finalizing their divorce and custody of junior bear. The judge asks junior bear who he wants to live with?

J: "do you want to live with momma bear? "

JB: "no, she beats me."

J: "do you want to stay with papa bear?"

JB: "no, he beats m...

On Top Of Cherry Hill

Three kids were late for their first junior high class. The first student, a boy, enters the classroom

Teacher: Why are you late?

Boy: I'm sorry! I was on top of cherry hill.

The second boy enters about ten minutes later.
Teacher: Why are you late?
Boy 2: Sorry! I was on ...

A lawyer is excited to drive the car he just purchased...

A lawyer is excited to drive the car he just purchased. As he opens the door and gets in, a junior driver hits it and breaks the left door. He gets furious thinking the car will never be the same after the accident. He notices a cop car nearby.

"Officer, this idiot ruined my brand new car" h...

Just another Genie

A biker going through is third divorce comes across a very unusual bottle. As he is cleaning it a genie appears. The genie says to the biker, I will grant you one wish.

The biker looks at the genie and calls him out on the fact that genies are supposed to grant three wishes. This genie expla...

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What most job descriptions really mean:

"the ability to learn new things" - you'll need this ability to learn how to pull salary for two months, how to make food economy, etc.

"young team" - we can not afford than students ;

"young and dynamic environment" - we change students each year;

"with the desire for self-impr...

A city man hears there is money in pig farming..

..And decides to start his own pig farm. He goes to the local pig farm to get his first pig. The farmer there tells him that the pigs are a dollar per pound. The city man feels this is a fair price and picks out a pig. The farmer goes over, grabs the pig's tail in his mouth, and lifts the pig up. Af...

There Once Lived A Family of Moles on a Hill.

On morning Papa Mole woke up and walked to the entrance of the burrow. He was greeted with the most beautiful morning he had ever seen. The sunrise shone brightly and scents of spring wafted through the air.

"This is amazing!" Papa exclaimed "Ma! Come and see this! The morning's beautiful an...

On their way to a conference...

A group of soldiers are on their way to a conference, and must take the train. Due to the way the military works, they must each purchase their own tickets, and will then be reimbursed upon arrival.

Traveling in one car are a group of brand new Officers, and a group of bitter, crusty Sergean...

Pig With a Wooden Leg

A journalist on vacation in Texas is driving on his way to do some sightseeing. Soon, he gets stuck in traffic. After slowly inching his way forward, he decides to take a back road. After getting hopelessly lost, he stops at the nearest ranch to ask for directions. Walking up to the ranch, he is met...

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What is courage??

COURAGE?

What is the meaning of courage?

Is it to fight a Bull in a bullfight without any weapon?

Is it to undertake a cross-country auto trip in a Chrysler Corporation car?

Is it to fly a fighter plane in combat?

Is it to undergo open-heart surgery knowing that th...

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A new priest is about to give his first sermon...

and he's really nervous about it, so he goes and asks the older priest if he can help.

"Well I'll tell you what," says the older priest, "I'll switch out the wine for a martini so you can calm your nerves before you start talking."

"Thanks Father!" says the new priest.

After the...

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