This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man went to the dental surgeon to have a tooth pulled The dentist pulls out the novocaine freezing needle to inject the man. “No way! No needles! I hate needles!” the patient said.

The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man again objects.

“I can’t do the gas thing – the thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating to me!”

The dentist then asks if the man has any objection to taking a pill.

“No,” the patient says, “I am fine with pills.”...

Quarantine has me really stressed and bored so I've been trying that Chinese thing with the needles

You know, heroin

I'm on pins and needles

I'm on pins and needles waiting for the results of my acupuncture exam.

I'm so stressed that I'm going to try that Chinese thing with the needles, what's it called?

Oh yeah, heroin

Why do people keep adding an extra s after 'needles'?

I don’t see the point, it’s needless.

My grandmum always asked “Why do you keep walking around on pins and needles?”

I’d absolutely love not to.

If only she’d not forget her knitting on the floor.

Today there's been another gruesome murder by the killer that police have nicknamed "The knitting needles killer"

Police fear he may be working to a pattern

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I can't believe the city where I live. Drugs on every corner, prostitutes with needles in their arse...

Frankly, these are the only reasons why I stay.

Some call people dying from not vaccinating a needless tragedy…

I call it a Needle-less tragedy

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Drunk needles

Two drunk needles walk out of the bar. They see an hedgehog walking by and one of them goes:

“Crap, the bus is full. I guess we gotta walk home.”

What do you call a pastry made out of needles?

A porcupie

Last night I ran out of sewing needles.

I should go to the supermarket and grab myself a punnet.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A female dentist pulls out a needle to give her male patient a shot...

“No way, not today I hate needles,” says the patient. The dentist decides to go to the back and bring out the nitrous oxide mask.

“No way, not today, the thought of having that mask on makes me suffocate already, protests the patient.” The dentist goes out to the back, stores the gas, and com...

The sword swallower went to a sewing store to buy pins and needles

He was on a diet

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

in hell

A man goes to hell. They tell him:

-- You have not sinned too much, so we allow you to choose torture yourself.

He goes into the first room and there people are fried in a frying pan. It doesn't suit him and he leaves.
In the second room needles are inserted under the nails.
“It ...

I stabbed twenty people in the supermarket line with thin needles.

It's a new type of therapy I'm calling "aqueuepuncture".

You'd think anti-vaxxers would love needles...

They're used to surrounding themselves with a bunch of pricks.

I decided to try the ancient Chinese practice of using needles to get rid of back pain…

The heroin worked a treat for me.

I had a horrible experience giving blood today, the staff were horrible, the needles hurt and I felt really unhappy.

Apparently I'm, "a negative".

I used to be an anti-vaxxer...

I changed my mind after mommy and daddy helped me overcome my fear of needles

Adding an s to the word "needles"...

Is needless.

My grandma was not allowed to bring her knitting needles on the airplane.

They were worried she might knit an afghan.

My one friend does a ton of cocaine but says he won’t take the vaccine

Awfully scared of needles

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into the dentist's office and after the dentist examines him,

He says, "that tooth has to come out. I'm going to give you a shot of Novocain and I'll be back in a few minutes."

The man grabs the dentist's arm, "no way. I hate needles I'm not having any shot!"

So the dentist says, "okay, we'll have to go with the gas."

The man replies, "abs...

Newfie execution

A Torontonian, an American and a Newfoundlander are involved in a grisly crime and are all sentenced to death. The executioner told them that they would each get to choose the method by which they would die.

Their choices were: lethal injection, electric chair or by hanging.

The Americ...

I don't know why employers don't like neck tattoos

It shows you can sit in one spot for hours while tiny needles are jabbed into your skin, which is what every meeting I've ever been in feels like.

Gandalf decided to go to the Shire, and to his surprise found Frodo and Sam making meth.

Gandalf decided to go to the Shire, and to his surprise found Frodo and Sam making meth.

"Why would you ever do such a thing!" He exclaimed.

"Well you see Mr Gandalf, after our adventure we haven't been able to feel the euphoria of being a hero until we tried this wonderful magic crys...

A man goes into a pet shop to buy a monkey.

The shop owner points to 3 identical looking monkeys on a perch and says the monkey on the left cost $ 500.00

Why does that one cost so much? asked the shopper.

The owner says well the monkey knows how to use a computer.

The man then asks about the next monkey and was told that ...

Just once I would like to go to a acupuncturist, lay down on his couch and when he says "how can I help you?"

I'll say "Well I keep getting pins and needles in my leg"

One in our friend group is supposed to be a dyslexic junkie.

Needles to say it's not me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was in a horrible car accident

A man wakes up in the ICU with a nurse standing over him. He has tubes in his nose, needles and IV drips in both arms, a breathing mask, wires monitoring every function, and he's in terrible pain.
He asks the nurse "What happened?".
The nurse give him a serious, deep look, straight into his ey...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.