Arnold Schwarzenegger and his classmates were sitting in music class when their teacher announced they would be putting on a play about the history of classical music.

She explained “Each one of you will select a different classical composer to play on stage. Arnold, you get to pick first.”

Everyone turned to look at Arnold and the room got quiet. Arnold stared intently at the teacher and made his decision known.

“I’ll be Bach.”

Aliens and Western Classical Music

In 1977 Nasa launched the Voyager Spacecraft into space. The spacecraft contained multiple pieces of music, among other things, including J. S. Bach's Brandenburg Concerto No. 2. It's likely that extra-terrestrial life will have developed a fondness of German Classical music and will one day come to...

I quit my job translating Pre-Classical Greek literature into Braille.

It feels like ancient history.

My parents never let me listen to classical or jazz music growing up.

Too much sax and violins.

My friends and I created a boysband of classical music.

We are the Bach Street Boys

Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are all hired to do movies about the big three classical music composers. The director gives them the choice on who they play.

Bruce shrugs and says, "I guess I'll be Beethoven".

Stallone thinks for a minute and says, "Eh, I'll be Mozart then."

Everyone then turns to Arnold who looks down with a sigh, "I'll be Bach".

I've been invited to a fancy dress party at Arnold Schwarzenegger's house. The theme is classical composers.

I'll be Bach.

A classical musician bought a Stradivari violin

Now he is quite Baroque.

What is a classical singer's big break?

An opera-tunity.

Suddenly I hear classical music coming from a grave, sounds like its being played backwards?

“Oh, that’s just Beethoven decomposing”.

Some famous actors decide to make a movie about classical musicians

They immediately begin to claim roles.

Robert Downey, Jr. says “I’ll be Mozart.”

Nicolas Cage says “I’ll be Beethoven.”

Arnold Schwarzenegger says “I’ll be Bach!”

I've been trying to get my girlfriend into classical music but she just isn't interested.

I'm Baching up the wrong tree.

TIL that Hollywood is set to make a biopic about a famous classical composer, and Arnold Schwarzenegger is going to be the star.

When interviewed about the project, he was quoted as saying "I'll be Bach"

I feel the classical musicians from the 17th and 18th century were not financially well-off.

Because they come from the Baroque era.

What do you call a microorganism that listens to Classical music?

Bach-teria

A rock musician, a classical musician and a jazz musician are sitting together, drinking...

Rock musician talks about his recent band tour,
- "and after all taxes were paid and such, I was able to afford a nice little yacht from the remaining money."
The classical musician smiles and says,
- "Well, kinda nice. My orchestra sold so many records though, I was even able to afford ...

The three orders of classical columns are Doric, Ionic, and Corinthian. Sometimes Ionic is called Ionian.

I guess it's a less charged word.

Classical music is such a scam...

You pay hundreds of dollars to go see Mozart live and in concert, and every time it's just a cover band

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I make you breakfast in bed, fresh eggs benedict, local picked wild flowers and freshly pressed orange juice, get into bed next to you and wake you with soothing classical music, a simple Thank you would suffice....

Not all this how the fuck did you get into my house business.

Three action movie stars are sitting in a bar

So, Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger are sitting in a bar, and Sylvester Stallone is like: "Guys, we should make a movie with the three of us, but I'm all out of ideas at the moment, I'm kind of bored with the standard action flicks."

Chuck says: "Don't you have any ...

Why did Karl Marx hate classical music?

Because of the violins inherent in the system.


(In true r/Jokes spirit this one's not originally mine but I'm not sure where it came from. It's definitely one of my favourites though)

What do you call two classical musicians ending their relationship?

They baroque up

I’ve been listening to classical music too loud and now my ears hurt.

I’m having some pretty bad Bach pains.

My wife dragged me to a classical concert.

Me: I hope this concert has a lot of ado.

Her: Huh?

MC: Ladies and Gentlemen, without further ado....

Me: F*ck.

I had to pay for everything when I went out with a couple classical musicians

they were completely baroque.

I don't want to hear any more classical Christmas music

I seriously can't handel it.

What do you call someone lathering in the shower and singing along to Classical Music?

A soap opera

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hate when people incorrectly categorize Mozart as a classical composer...

Even though he lived during the Classical Era, he was Baroque as fuck.

Why does Donald Trump want classical music at his inauguration?

He wants to grab them by Debussy.

I'm pretty sure chickens love classical music

All I hear from them is "bach bach bach bach bach"

How do you threaten a fan of classical music?

You tell him to watch his bach.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do black people not like Classical music?

Because they have to sit in the Bach of the concert hall.

I went to buy some classical music today...

But I forgot my Chopin Liszt.

Relativity theory

In classical (Newtonian) physics, we can't solve the three-body problem. In the theory of relativity, we can't solve the two-body problem. In quantum mechanics, we can't solve the one-body problem, and with quantum electro dynamics, we don't even understand the vacuum anymore.

Sean Connery, Sylvester Stallone, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are going to be in a movie about classical composers...

They are talking to the director about what roles they want to play.

Sean Connery says "I would shertainly like to play Moshart."

Sylvester Stallone says "Uh, well, I guess I wanna play Beethoven."

And so Arnold pauses a moment, and then says "I'll be Bach."

I used to only listen to classical music...

...but now I think outside of the Bachs.

What do Classical Music enthusiasts have in common with Redditors responding to OP?

One comments about Yo-Yo Ma, the other about Yo Momma

What do you call a President who likes classical music?

Baroque Obama

What is a pedophile's favorite type of classical music?

Anything in A Minor

My wife wants to have the baby listen to classical music while in the womb.

Would an ipod nano or shuffle be easier to get up there?

What do you get when you cross a Classical German composer with an erupting volcano?

Baklava.

(It came to me in a dream last night. I dunno man..)

A Dadaist walks into a bar...

He orders a drink, sips it for a while, pays his tab, and leaves. Outside he declares the whole thing a joke.

Unsastisfied, an Absurdist walks into the bar and orders a Dadaist. The bartender groans as he is forced to run outside and bring back the Dadaist to fulfill the order. This quickly e...

Four brothers moved to America, planning to learn English through immersion.

The first brother decided to learn by listening to the radio. He started on a classical/opera station and learned to sing, "Me! Me! Me! Me! Me!” The second brother jumped right in by getting a job at a restarunt and learned to say, "Forks and knives! Forks and knives!" The third brother, following t...

SuperClark.

Clark kent: i'm looking for a classical game for my Nintendo Switch

Gamestop employee: You can't go wrong with Super Mario.

Clark Kent: [looking around] Haha, don't you have a regular mario?

Gamestop employee: wha-

Clark Kent: [loudly] because i'm just a regular man.

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