Classical Jokes - 56 Hilarious Classical Jokes

What's a cat's favourite piece of classical music

MeOw ForTuna

Sylvester Stallone wants to make a movie about classical music..

He wants to play Beethoven.

Jean Claud Van Damme says “I’ll be Mozart”

Arnold Schwarzenegger “c’mon guys. Don’t make me say it”.

In what order do you play Classical Music Songs?

Bach to Bach.

An elderly classical languages professor goes to Rome for a conference.

He hails a taxi as he leaves the airport, and the driver points to a sign saying "Tell driver your destination". The professor hesitates for a moment. He doesn't speak Italian, but doesn't want the driver to misunderstand his directions in English. Suddenly realizing that Italian is descended from L...

My dog likes classical music

Whenever she hears it, she's always wagner tal.

Did you hear about the book/movie about two terminally ill teenaged Indian classical musicians?

It's called 'The Fault In Our Sitars'.

(Came up with this a few months ago. You read it here first.)

What did the classical composer say to his student?

Don’t fix it if it ain’t baroque.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My therapist told me to listen to classical music before work to help with my anger management issues.

This morning I woke up and chose violins.

Earlier today I heard Classical music coming from my wallet..

I opened it, and realised I had 3 tenners in it...

Classical joke

I remember once in pre-virus times, I was standing in a fairly long line for a classical music concert. A dude on a skateboard rode up to me and asked “what’s all the excitement about? Who’s playing?” I told him “Yo-Yo Ma.” And he punched me in the face!

Three action movie actors decided to do a movie about classical composers...

Bruce Willis said, "I'll be Beethovan"

Sylvester Stallone replied, "I'll be Mozart"

Arnold Schwarzenegger chimed in, "I'll be Bach"

Classical joke for Christmas period.

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?

He sold his soul to Santa.

Why didn't the pokemon listen to classical music?

Because he was lycanroc.

What's the worst place for a classical singer to get surgery?

The opera-hating room!

Took my kid to a classical music concert. It was a disaster

Way too much sax and violins

What do you call a poor classical pianist?

Baroque

I don’t think wind turbines like classical music.

I hear they’re big metal fans, though.

I tried to make a comprehensive list of all the vampires in classical literature.

But I forgot to Count Dracula.

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Why does a classical music connoisseur enjoy sex more

Because they appreciate Debussy

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender gives the man his drink and the man asks "If I show you something crazy, would let me have free drinks for the rest of the night?"

The bartender thinks for a minute and then says "It would to be something spectacular to take that offer." The man leans down and picks up a box and sets it on the bar. He opens the box and inside is a small piano man, whom is only 1 foot tall, and beside him a little piano. The piano man starts pla...

My dad owns 4 tents which he uses for camping

He uses all 4 at different times of the year, and each one is based on 1 of 4 different musical genres.

In spring he uses the jazz tent, in summer he uses the pop tent, in autumn he uses the classical tent….

But now is the winter of our disco tent.

Why does Donald Trump want classical music at his inauguration?

He wants to grab them by Debussy.

One for the classical music fans [OC]

For those who aren't, Herbert von Karajan was an acclaimed symphony conductor in the 20th century. You need to know that his name is pronounced approximately "KAHRY-on."

Not many people know it, but the maestro actually had a second career outside of music, he was a successful luggage designe...

So I have this chicken that listens to nothing but classical music...

All she wants is “Bach Bach Bach”.

That is all.

Who is a Boston Terrier’s favorite classical composer?

Bach

Aliens and Western Classical Music

In 1977 Nasa launched the Voyager Spacecraft into space. The spacecraft contained multiple pieces of music, among other things, including J. S. Bach's Brandenburg Concerto No. 2. It's likely that extra-terrestrial life will have developed a fondness of German Classical music and will one day come to...

A movie studio is casting roles for a documentary about classical musicians.

Tom Cruise says “I’ll play the part of Mozart”
Liam Neeson says “I’ll make a great Beethoven”
Arnold Schwarzenegger says “I’ll be Bach”

What does a classical composer use to carry his groceries?

A Chopin cart

Who was the most hated classical musician?

Nickelbach.

Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger are sitting in a bar

Sylvester Stallone says, "Guys, we should make a movie with the three of us, but I'm all out of ideas at the moment, I'm kind of bored with the standard action flicks."

Chuck says, "Guys, I'm bored of doing action movies too and I've got some ideas but you may not like them."

Sylveste...

Why does Star Wars have a classical music score?

Because the Empire likes Bach!

What is a classical singer's big break?

An opera-tunity.

Classical music is such a scam...

You pay hundreds of dollars to go see Mozart live and in concert, and every time it's just a cover band

Classical music jokes are easy to come up with

I could write you a long Liszt

A classical musician bought a Stradivari violin

Now he is quite Baroque.

My parents never let me listen to classical or jazz music growing up.

Too much sax and violins.

Why did everyone hate the classical composer’s music

Everyone thought he had some sheet music

My pet chicken loves classical music. He always asks by name for his favorite

Bach.

My wife dragged me to a classical concert.

Me: I hope this concert has a lot of ado.

Her: Huh?

MC: Ladies and Gentlemen, without further ado....

Me: F*ck.

Arnold Schwarzenegger and his friends are acting in a short film about classical pianists and musicians

.

One of friends says, "I'll play Beethoven."

Another says, "I'll be Mozart."

-

In the end, Arnold says, "I'll be Bach."

What do you call a classical writer with Parkinson's and a drinking problem?

Shakesbeer.

I quit my job translating Pre-Classical Greek literature into Braille.

It feels like ancient history.

I'm pretty sure chickens love classical music

All I hear from them is "bach bach bach bach bach"

Why did Pavlov have extra soft hair?

Classical conditioning

The rest of my class complained when we were told we're getting the Classical Civilisation class, but I don't understand why.

It's such an interesting topic. I've always wanted to learn about my parents' childhood.

My friends and I created a boysband of classical music.

We are the Bach Street Boys

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do black people not like Classical music?

Because they have to sit in the Bach of the concert hall.

I don't want to hear any more classical Christmas music

I seriously can't handel it.

What do you call two classical musicians ending their relationship?

They baroque up

How do you threaten a fan of classical music?

You tell him to watch his bach.

I went to buy some classical music today...

But I forgot my Chopin Liszt.

I used to only listen to classical music...

...but now I think outside of the Bachs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is a pedophile's favorite type of classical music?

Anything in A Minor

Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger

are talking to each other about their long careers as action heroes. Sly says, "You did some okay comedy, but you have the governorship and political success to be proud of."

Arnold says, "You've had so much recognition in Hollywood. I've never been nominated for an Oscar, you have have been ...

More people will click on a classical music youtube video if the thumbnail is Ludwig.

It's clickbeethoven

Who is the classical painter most loved by BODYBUILDERS?

Gains brah!

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