An elderly classical languages professor goes to Rome for a conference.

He hails a taxi as he leaves the airport, and the driver points to a sign saying "Tell driver your destination". The professor hesitates for a moment. He doesn't speak Italian, but doesn't want the driver to misunderstand his directions in English. Suddenly realizing that Italian is descended from L...

I went back in time to meet a great classical composer of the 18th century but I couldn't meet him

He was out choping

Classical joke for Christmas period.

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?

He sold his soul to Santa.

A movie studio is casting roles for a documentary about classical musicians.

Tom Cruise says “I’ll play the part of Mozart”
Liam Neeson says “I’ll make a great Beethoven”
Arnold Schwarzenegger says “I’ll be Bach”

My pet chicken loves classical music. He always asks by name for his favorite

Bach.

What is a conspiracy theorist's favorite piece of classical music?

QAnon in D

My client is very particular about which classical albums she wants me to restore...

“If it ain’t Baroque, don’t fix it.”

I had an on-again, off-again relationship with a classical conductor.

It didn't work out though, we could never get the timing right.

What's the difference between the philosophy program and the classical show?

One's on Schopenhauer, the other's the Chopin hour.

What is Donald Trumps favourite piece of classical music?

Grabem, by Debussy.

Why don’t film soundtracks use jazz and classical?

Too much sax and violins.

They say classical music was written to speak through the ages

Bach to the future.

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender gives the man his drink and the man asks "If I show you something crazy, would let me have free drinks for the rest of the night?"

The bartender thinks for a minute and then says "It would to be something spectacular to take that offer." The man leans down and picks up a box and sets it on the bar. He opens the box and inside is a small piano man, whom is only 1 foot tall, and beside him a little piano. The piano man starts pla...

What do classical pianists use to remember their groceries?

A Chopin Liszt.

Classical joke

I remember once in pre-virus times, I was standing in a fairly long line for a classical music concert. A dude on a skateboard rode up to me and asked “what’s all the excitement about? Who’s playing?” I told him “Yo-Yo Ma.” And he punched me in the face!

I don’t think wind turbines like classical music.

I hear they’re big metal fans, though.

One for the classical music fans [OC]

For those who aren't, Herbert von Karajan was an acclaimed symphony conductor in the 20th century. You need to know that his name is pronounced approximately "KAHRY-on."

Not many people know it, but the maestro actually had a second career outside of music, he was a successful luggage designe...

What do you call a classical writer with Parkinson's and a drinking problem?

Shakesbeer.

A solar panel, a wind turbine and a hydro dam are all getting to know each other.

‘What kind of music are you into?’ asks the dam.
‘I’m into trance’, replies the solar panel.
‘Ooh, too intense for me’, dam says, ‘I much prefer classical melodies, maybe a little 60s soul at the weekends.’
‘What about you Mr Turbine? What are you into?’
‘Me?’ He replies, ‘I’m a huge met...

Why does Star Wars have a classical music score?

Because the Empire likes Bach!

I heard you lost your classical music CD.

But don’t worry. I got your Bach.

A politician who did absolutely nothing good or bad in his life died... God and Satan are discussing what to do with him. God says "He's done nothing great in his life, so he cant possibly go to heaven."

Satan responds "Well, he did nothing to deserve eternal damnnation either."
So they let the man spend one day in each heaven and hell to decide where he wanted to spend eternity.
In heaven, the politician spends the entire time sitting in a comfortable chair, fighting to stay awake as angels f...

Arnold Schwarzenegger and his classmates were sitting in music class when their teacher announced they would be putting on a play about the history of classical music.

She explained “Each one of you will select a different classical composer to play on stage. Arnold, you get to pick first.”

Everyone turned to look at Arnold and the room got quiet. Arnold stared intently at the teacher and made his decision known.

“I’ll be Bach.”

A long time ago, I had a job where I translated pre-classical Greek literature into Braille.

It feels like ancient history.

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when he found out his school was organizing a show and tell about classical music ?

I'll be Bach.

Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are all hired to do movies about the big three classical music composers. The director gives them the choice on who they play.

Bruce shrugs and says, "I guess I'll be Beethoven".

Stallone thinks for a minute and says, "Eh, I'll be Mozart then."

Everyone then turns to Arnold who looks down with a sigh, "I'll be Bach".

If classical composers of old were alive and listened to some of the music that's popular today, they'd all complain....

Except Beethoven

Who was the most hated classical musician?

Nickelbach.

Classical music jokes are easy to come up with

I could write you a long Liszt

My parents never let me listen to classical or jazz music growing up.

Too much sax and violins.

I've been trying to get my girlfriend into classical music but she just isn't interested.

I'm Baching up the wrong tree.

Aliens and Western Classical Music

In 1977 Nasa launched the Voyager Spacecraft into space. The spacecraft contained multiple pieces of music, among other things, including J. S. Bach's Brandenburg Concerto No. 2. It's likely that extra-terrestrial life will have developed a fondness of German Classical music and will one day come to...

Why did everyone hate the classical composer’s music

Everyone thought he had some sheet music

I've been invited to a fancy dress party at Arnold Schwarzenegger's house. The theme is classical composers.

I'll be Bach.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman buys a new car

It comes with a voice activated radio that will play whatever music that the driver desires. She decides to test it out while driving her new car home.

"Classical," she said.

The radio immediately starts playing Nocturne op.9 No.2.

"Country," she said as she turned left.

...

What is a classical singer's big break?

An opera-tunity.

My friends and I created a boysband of classical music.

We are the Bach Street Boys

A farmer bragged to his friend about his smart chickens

"How do you know they're smart?"

"They love classical music! That's smarty-pants music right there."

"And how do you know that's what they like?"

"Every morning, I say to the chickens 'What music for today?' and they ask for their favorite composer: 'Bach, Bach, Bach!'"

Action hero fancy dress ball...

Arnold Schwarznegger, Sly Stallone & Chuck Norris are invited to a ball where they must all go in fancy dress.

They decide to go as classical composers, so they head to the store to buy their costumes for the ball.

When in the store, Sly says: 'I'll dress as Mozart'

Chuck Sa...

Two doctors sitting on a bench at the park

They see an old man approaching with something obviously wrong on his way of walking. They take a professional interest on him:
- Look, a clear case of hip replacement gone wrong
- No, my dear colleague, that is classical sciatic neuralgia
- I have to disagree with you, that dragging of the...

Suddenly I hear classical music coming from a grave, sounds like its being played backwards?

“Oh, that’s just Beethoven decomposing”.

What do you call a microorganism that listens to Classical music?

Bach-teria

A classical musician bought a Stradivari violin

Now he is quite Baroque.

I feel the classical musicians from the 17th and 18th century were not financially well-off.

Because they come from the Baroque era.

TIL that Hollywood is set to make a biopic about a famous classical composer, and Arnold Schwarzenegger is going to be the star.

When interviewed about the project, he was quoted as saying "I'll be Bach"

A rock musician, a classical musician and a jazz musician are sitting together, drinking...

Rock musician talks about his recent band tour,
- "and after all taxes were paid and such, I was able to afford a nice little yacht from the remaining money."
The classical musician smiles and says,
- "Well, kinda nice. My orchestra sold so many records though, I was even able to afford ...

Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger

are talking to each other about their long careers as action heroes. Sly says, "You did some okay comedy, but you have the governorship and political success to be proud of."

Arnold says, "You've had so much recognition in Hollywood. I've never been nominated for an Oscar, you have have been ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I make you breakfast in bed, fresh eggs benedict, local picked wild flowers and freshly pressed orange juice, get into bed next to you and wake you with soothing classical music, a simple Thank you would suffice....

Not all this how the fuck did you get into my house business.

Classical music is such a scam...

You pay hundreds of dollars to go see Mozart live and in concert, and every time it's just a cover band

In honor of Father's day, a dad joke

There is a rumor that a movie about a 17th century classical composers will be made. It will even star Arnold Schwarzenegger among others.


He'll be Bach

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