UPJOKE
classicgreco-romanclassical musictraditionalmusicbaroquegraeco-romanstandardmusic genregenremusicalcomposercontemporaryclassicsjazz

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My therapist told me to listen to classical music before work to help with my anger management issues.

This morning I woke up and chose violins.

My dog likes classical music

Whenever she hears it, she's always wagner tal.

Three action movie actors decided to do a movie about classical composers...

Bruce Willis said, "I'll be Beethovan"

Sylvester Stallone replied, "I'll be Mozart"

Arnold Schwarzenegger chimed in, "I'll be Bach"

Earlier today I heard Classical music coming from my wallet..

I opened it, and realised I had 3 tenners in it...

What's the worst place for a classical singer to get surgery?

The opera-hating room!

I tried to make a comprehensive list of all the vampires in classical literature.

But I forgot to Count Dracula.

Took my kid to a classical music concert. It was a disaster

Way too much sax and violins

The classical music field should get “Bach” to basics.

Because if it ain’t “Baroque”, don’t fix it.

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A cabbie is waiting outside a Vegas casino when a classically dressed man runs out in a state of extreme distress.

He comes up to the cab and says "You've got to get me to the airport straight away! I'm needed in New York as soon as possible, there's millions at stake!" and the cabbie says "Sure, no problem, fella, just fifty bucks for the fare and we're good to go".


The smartly-dressed man says "Th...

An elderly classical languages professor goes to Rome for a conference.

He hails a taxi as he leaves the airport, and the driver points to a sign saying "Tell driver your destination". The professor hesitates for a moment. He doesn't speak Italian, but doesn't want the driver to misunderstand his directions in English. Suddenly realizing that Italian is descended from L...

The rest of my class complained when we were told we're getting the Classical Civilisation class, but I don't understand why.

It's such an interesting topic. I've always wanted to learn about my parents' childhood.

Why didn't the pokemon listen to classical music?

Because he was lycanroc.

So I have this chicken that listens to nothing but classical music...

All she wants is “Bach Bach Bach”.


That is all.

What do you call a poor classical pianist?

Baroque

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Why does a classical music connoisseur enjoy sex more

Because they appreciate Debussy

A movie studio is casting roles for a documentary about classical musicians.

Tom Cruise says “I’ll play the part of Mozart”
Liam Neeson says “I’ll make a great Beethoven”
Arnold Schwarzenegger says “I’ll be Bach”

Arnold Schwarzenegger and his friends are acting in a short film about classical pianists and musicians

.

One of friends says, "I'll play Beethoven."

Another says, "I'll be Mozart."

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In the end, Arnold says, "I'll be Bach."

They say classical music was written to speak through the ages

Bach to the future.

I don’t think wind turbines like classical music.

I hear they’re big metal fans, though.

Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are all hired to do movies about the big three classical music composers. The director gives them the choice on who they play.

Bruce shrugs and says, "I guess I'll be Beethoven".

Stallone thinks for a minute and says, "Eh, I'll be Mozart then."

Everyone then turns to Arnold who looks down with a sigh, "I'll be Bach".

Classical joke for Christmas period.

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?

He sold his soul to Santa.

What does a classical composer use to carry his groceries?

A Chopin cart

My pet chicken loves classical music. He always asks by name for his favorite

Bach.

Arnold Schwarzenegger and his classmates were sitting in music class when their teacher announced they would be putting on a play about the history of classical music.

She explained “Each one of you will select a different classical composer to play on stage. Arnold, you get to pick first.”

Everyone turned to look at Arnold and the room got quiet. Arnold stared intently at the teacher and made his decision known.

“I’ll be Bach.”

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender gives the man his drink and the man asks "If I show you something crazy, would let me have free drinks for the rest of the night?"

The bartender thinks for a minute and then says "it would to be something spectacular to take that offer." The man leans down and picks up a box and sets it on the bar. He opens the box and inside is a small piano man, whom is only 1 foot tall, and beside him a little plano. The piano man starts pla...

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