Classical Jokes

He wants to play Beethoven.

Jean Claud Van Damme says “I’ll be Mozart”

Arnold Schwarzenegger “c’mon guys. Don’t make me say it”.

MeOw ForTuna

Bach to Bach.

He hails a taxi as he leaves the airport, and the driver points to a sign saying "Tell driver your destination". The professor hesitates for a moment. He doesn't speak Italian, but doesn't want the driver to misunderstand his directions in English. Suddenly realizing that Italian is descended from L... read more

Whenever she hears it, she's always wagner tal.

It's called 'The Fault In Our Sitars'.


(Came up with this a few months ago. You read it here first.)

Don’t fix it if it ain’t baroque.

I opened it, and realised I had 3 tenners in it...

I remember once in pre-virus times, I was standing in a fairly long line for a classical music concert. A dude on a skateboard rode up to me and asked “what’s all the excitement about? Who’s playing?” I told him “Yo-Yo Ma.” And he punched me in the face!

Bruce Willis said, "I'll be Beethovan"

Sylvester Stallone replied, "I'll be Mozart"

Arnold Schwarzenegger chimed in, "I'll be Bach"

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?

He sold his soul to Santa.

Because he was lycanroc.

The opera-hating room!

Way too much sax and violins

Baroque

I hear they’re big metal fans, though.

But I forgot to Count Dracula.

The bartender thinks for a minute and then says "It would to be something spectacular to take that offer." The man leans down and picks up a box and sets it on the bar. He opens the box and inside is a small piano man, whom is only 1 foot tall, and beside him a little piano. The piano man starts pla... read more

He uses all 4 at different times of the year, and each one is based on 1 of 4 different musical genres.

In spring he uses the jazz tent, in summer he uses the pop tent, in autumn he uses the classical tent….

But now is the winter of our disco tent.

He wants to grab them by Debussy.

For those who aren't, Herbert von Karajan was an acclaimed symphony conductor in the 20th century. You need to know that his name is pronounced approximately "KAHRY-on."

Not many people know it, but the maestro actually had a second career outside of music, he was a successful luggage designe... read more

All she wants is “Bach Bach Bach”.


That is all.

Bach

In 1977 Nasa launched the Voyager Spacecraft into space. The spacecraft contained multiple pieces of music, among other things, including J. S. Bach's Brandenburg Concerto No. 2. It's likely that extra-terrestrial life will have developed a fondness of German Classical music and will one day come to... read more

Tom Cruise says “I’ll play the part of Mozart”
Liam Neeson says “I’ll make a great Beethoven”
Arnold Schwarzenegger says “I’ll be Bach”

A Chopin cart

Nickelbach.

Sylvester Stallone says, "Guys, we should make a movie with the three of us, but I'm all out of ideas at the moment, I'm kind of bored with the standard action flicks."

Chuck says, "Guys, I'm bored of doing action movies too and I've got some ideas but you may not like them."

Sylveste... read more

You pay hundreds of dollars to go see Mozart live and in concert, and every time it's just a cover band

Because the Empire likes Bach!

An opera-tunity.

I could write you a long Liszt

Now he is quite Baroque.

Too much sax and violins.

Everyone thought he had some sheet music

Bach.

Me: I hope this concert has a lot of ado.

Her: Huh?

MC: Ladies and Gentlemen, without further ado....

Me: F*ck.

.

One of friends says, "I'll play Beethoven."

Another says, "I'll be Mozart."

-

In the end, Arnold says, "I'll be Bach."

Shakesbeer.

It feels like ancient history.

All I hear from them is "bach bach bach bach bach"

Classical conditioning

It's such an interesting topic. I've always wanted to learn about my parents' childhood.

We are the Bach Street Boys

I seriously can't handel it.

They baroque up

You tell him to watch his bach.

But I forgot my Chopin Liszt.

...but now I think outside of the Bachs.

are talking to each other about their long careers as action heroes. Sly says, "You did some okay comedy, but you have the governorship and political success to be proud of."

Arnold says, "You've had so much recognition in Hollywood. I've never been nominated for an Oscar, you have have been ... read more

It's clickbeethoven

Gains brah!