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Improvised Jokes

Improvised this the other day

My mom: Wow, this day just flew by.

Me: At least it didn’t Corona Virus by.

The talented pastor (nsfw)

Just heard Tom Rawson tell this one (he's mostly a singer, but he told a couple of jokes too):

A small-town preacher was proud of his ability to improvise a sermon on any topic, even if he knew nothing about it. He never prepared, just improvised on whatever came to his mind Sunday morning....

I once appeared in a theatre production about a very popular web programming language

JavaScript?

No, it was entirely improvised.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A King is going on an adventure in a faraway land leaving his beautiful queen.So He ask for his 3 brave knights to guard her he is away.

But in doing so,He put an improvised penis guillotine to the queens vagina.

Then after a year,The king came back,Then He ordered the first knight to strip.

KING:ITS CUT!THROW HIM TO THE LIONS!

KNIGHT 1:NOOOO!

Then he ordered the 2nd knight to strip!

KING:ITS CUT TO...

Shakespeare and Lord Byron at the gates of Heaven

Shakespeare and Lord Byron get to the gates of heaven at the same time but St Peter regrets to confirm that they only have one vacancy left. He decides to let them compete for the one spot in a poem writing competition. He gives the task to include "Timbuktu" in an improvised poem. Lord Byron goes f...

TIL that Funimation has an unreleased Dragon Ball Z episode where they just improved the whole script.

Oops. Wrong dub.

(Real oops. Meant to type improvised)

A man went to water his garden...

He didn't have a hose or a watering can, so he improvised by filling a bucket with water and throwing it all over the garden. However, when he did so, the water only landed on every other plant.

Shocked, the man threw his arms up in the air and shouted "water the odds!?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Timmy went into the living room as his parents were having an argument.

“You bastard!” said his mum to his dad.

“You bitch!” replied his dad to his mum.

And they suddenly stopped when they saw little Timmy in the doorway.

“Mum, what’s a bastard? Dad, what’s a bitch?” questioned Timmy.

His parents stuttered and stammered until his mum thought ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The end to Bender's naked lady joke in The Breakfast Club...

A naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm and a two foot salami under the other. She lays the poodle on the table.
Bartender says " I suppose you won't be needing a drink"
Naked Lady says ..... (*Bender falls through ceiling*)
**"Well, my boyfriend and I were just ab...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The story of Mr. Green.

Mrs. Barker, Elementary school teacher,was telling her students a wonderful story. It was for the English lesson that Mrs. Barker improvised to keep her lessons engaging. This was one off her stories.

Once there was once a world where humans were either red, yellow or green.

One day ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Saw an Iranian joke and I want to share my favorite.

An ensemble of musicians is auditioning for a caliph's court. After the ensemble is ushered in, they perform a beautiful set lasting approximately an hour, complete with long improvisations. The caliph is very pleased and says, "Servants! I order you to fill these men's music instruments with pricel...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Smartest human competition

Once upon a time a major TV outlet hosted greatly revered competition to determine the smartest, wisest, brightest specimen of Homo Sapiens once and for all. The popularity and feedback was unprecedented. Millions applied. After months of long and detailed tests ranging from simple IQ tests to timed...

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