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If the Kraken was white like Moby Dick, it would be

The Kraker

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Moby Dick and his girlfriend

Tilt a boat over by blowing on it, causing the sailors to fall overboard. When he suggest they eat the sailors, his girlfriend said.

'Look, I already helped you with the blowjob, but I am not going to swallow the seamen.'

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I came home one day to my wife ripping pages out of "Moby Dick" in the living room. "Why are you doing that?" I asked.

She replied, "Well, to make a long story short."

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What’s Moby Dicks dad’s name?

Papa boner

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Beyond just the name, Moby Dick was still totally gay

He swallowed a lot of seamen

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(NSFW) My 10 year old told me this yesterday. What is Moby Dicks dad named?

Papa Boner

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After countless attempts at Moby Dick the ol' cap'n was a nervous wreck and missing a leg...

Did someone at least send him a "Get Whale Soon" card?

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How do you circumcise Moby Dick?

Send down 4 skin drivers

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Who was Moby Dick's father?

Poppa Boner.

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Why did Moby Dick join a heavy metal band?

He could really whale.

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Where did all the sperm whales come from?

Moby Dick

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What’s grey, weighs 500 pounds, and drags along the bottom of the ocean?

Moby’s Dick

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What’s pink and sits on the bottom of the ocean

Moby’s dick


My mom told this to me when I was maybe 10

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Chuck Norris Facts!

-can lift up a chair with one hand... While he's sitting on it.

-can make scissors beat rock.

-when he's looks in a mirror, the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough
to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.

-can unscramble eggs.

-counted t...

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A cop is driving around in his car

When he comes upon a car parked on a dead end street and sees some people in it. He walks upto the car where he sees a guy reading a book in the front seat and a girl knitting in the back seat.

He asks the gentleman for his license and registration. He goes back to his car and runs the info, ...

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What is giant, pink and drags across the ocean floor?

Moby's Dick

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William Shakespeare, Herman Melville, and a Redditor all meet up in heaven one day

Eventually, the conversation turns to the impact their literature had on the world.

Herman Melville starts boasting. He says “I wrote 15 books, and my book “Moby Dick” is still studied in schools and famous to this day”.

William Shakespeare interjects: “That’s nothing! Why, I wrote 192...

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A man walks into a pet store and sees a very expensive parrot...

A man walks into a pet store and sees a $3000 parrot...

"Wow, that's expensive", the man says to the clerk. The clerk responds that this particular parrot is very talented. "How so?", questioned the man.

"Well, if you pull on his right leg", he'll sing The Star Spangled Banner. So ...

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