Americans Jokes

Cause they shoot the ones that go to school

Because they shoot all the ones who go to school

EDIT: I love jokes and comedic freedom... but I AM SO SORRY ABOUT THIS ONE LOL

EDIT 2: Thanks for letting me share the pain of this one with you, internet. And I’m not European (where are ppl getting this lol), I am also 🇺🇸

An American couple is driving through Canada and stops at a gas station to fuel up.

As the man goes into the station to pay, his wife calls out to him, “Ask them where we are!” So the husband walks in, pays, and asks, “By the way, where are we?”

To which the attendant answers, “Saska... read more

We have the best schools for it

Because April showers bring May Flowers, and Mayflowers bring white people.

They have a foot fetish

Because it’s always too soon.



^(i feel bad)

Because it's white and settles on their land.

Tell them to stay inside the car.

There would be mass confusion.

I'm so glad I'm in the 1%.

They hadn't had food or water for days, and thought maybe the people in the mosque would give them some.

"Ok, Joe, we will tell these people we are Muslims, and maybe they will give us some food and something to drink. You'll be Hassan, and I'll be Muhammed", said Roger.

"No way, man. ... read more

I guess we're just raised differently.

Tell them it's nearly finished.

“School” I tell them.

Americans think 200 years is a long history, while the British think 200 miles is a long trip.

Tell them immigrants are coming to America to take all their vaccines.

We'll take on the aliens, you'll take on the predators.

They have a long history of sorting and separating colours

Americans don't have troubleshooting.

Opinions

Seems like a waste of time in my opinion. I've never seen an African with a 52 inch waist.

None; they're content to wander around in the dark pretending everything's okay.

Many Americans simply don't get it

She shares the joys of being a part of the greatest country in the world, and asks her students to raise their hands if they are or want to be American too. Not really knowing why but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks.

There is, however,... read more

Glad to know I'm in the other 2%.

Especially considering how many rely on tips to get by.

If you leave yogurt alone for 200 years it'll grow a culture

because they practice at the best schools

Just kidding, you can't change anything in the United States.

at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world.
One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They'd have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's... read more

But that’s just a Conservative estimate

An Indian and a cowboy are walking through the prairie one day.
The Indian stops and puts his ear to the ground and says "ah, buffalo come."
In which the cowboy replies:
"Dang, you can tell that from stickin yer ear to the ground?"
Indian says:
"No. Ear sticky."

Dear Americans,
As today is 9.11 I wish you all the best and am really sorry for your losses.

Greetings from Europe!

An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty sea... read more

To show they're only holding one gun

...when a car pulled up next to them. The driver rolled down his window and asked in german:” Where is the nearest petrol diner?”

The two Americans, not knowing a fraction of German, stared blankly at the driver. “Sorry, but we have no idea what you are saying.”

The driver tried again ... read more

And a couple of boosters, just to be sure.

Because Canadians say "Eh", and Mexicans say "Ci".

because they can't protect their towers

Because of their Right to Bare Arms.

Donald looks down on the cities below and says "I think I'll throw a 1000$ bill out of the window and make some american happy. Melanie says "Oh honey why not throw 10 100$ bills and make 10 americans happy?"
So then Ivanka says "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out of the window an... read more

Won't beheading there anymore

Looks like Americans are finally gonna get a taste of democracy and freedom.

He was born on 12/12/12.