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Microphones Jokes

Our company is implementing a version of Microsoft Teams Telephony where users keep their microphones muted

They're calling it Teams Telepathy.

Went shopping for cherries and microphones today

Bought a Bing, bought a boom

I worked for a company that made microphones.

A Czech one too

God I hate hidden microphones

They bug me so much!

My sound tech walked in to hook up my microphones

We got to talking and I let him know I have a few friends who are also sound techs.

“Really. Fascinating” with feigned excitement.

Yeah. One of them is German.

“Ok....”

I have a Czech one, too. A Czech one, too.

After a concert at an old auditorium, the microphones started picking up whispers that weren't there...

"W-w-what was that??" asked one of the staff.


"Relax," said the manager, "it's just phantom power."

Why would I not be good at testing microphones?

Because I don't 1, 2.

I used to know a Russian sound engineer who said DA to test microphones.

And a Czech one too. A Czech one too.

Did you know it's illegal to water your plants in China ?

It causes the microphones to rust

NASA Scientists were eagerly waiting for the rover to send back the first sounds from Mars.

A program decades in the making, a feat of engineering never before accomplished. Not only did they include high resolution cameras for the landing, but incredibly robust microphones to capture the first sounds from an alien planet.

The team of people were huddled around a lab station for hou...

"Mega-" is a prefix meaning "million"....

...and "micro" is a prefix meaning "millionth".

So, a megaphone would be one trillion microphones.

Useful Metric Equivalents

* 1 million microphones = 1 megaphone
* 1 million bicycles = 2 megacycles
* 2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds
* 52 = 1 decacards
* 1/2 lavatory = 1 demijohn
* 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
* 435.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
* 10 rations = 1 decoration
* 10 m...

What's the difference between the 2016 presidential debates and a pen of baboons relentlessly fighting over the dead stinking corpse of a sheep?

Microphones!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A group of five park wardens decided to start a band together...

... They all agreed on playing music of a rock subgerne kind, mixed in with symphonic elements, fantasy based subject matter and strong choruses. However they could not agree on a specific aesthetic, as each one of them turned up for their first practice session with a different color scheme.
...

The CEO of Apple, Huawei and Nokia are all sitting together in a hot tub...

... bragging about their newest groundbreaking technology.

The CEO of Apple starts explaining how his company invented a tiny speaker and a tiny mic which would be surgically attached to your thumb and pinky finger - so you could receive a phone call, only by putting your hand to your ear. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The world's press gathers...

...at a press conference announced by the team at CERN in Geneva. The CERN spokeswoman steps up to the speaking podium and smiles broadly at the assembled reporters, microphones and cameras. She begins to speak.

“Thank you all for joining us today. We have some major announcements to make...

Rock and Roll Joke

Kurt Cobain dies and when he opens his eyes, he's in a big practice hall. Looking around he sees Cliff Burton tuning up, Jimi Hendrix and John Lennon warming up on microphones and adjusting their guitar straps to fit, and Jerry Garcia messing with his pedal steel guitar.
Kurt ambles over to Jerry...

I read the punch line first so I don't waste time on jokes I already know

I know I'm not the only one who does this.

Some of these jokes ought to have their own subreddits.

A group of trapped miners is finally freed after 188 days trapped underground. The media is all over the story, and the miners are immediately put in front of bright lights, cameras and...

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