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Open Mic Jokes

Did you hear about the suicide bomber performing at the comedy open mic night?

He had everyone in pieces!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Airplane open mic.

Airline pilot is going through his preflight introduction to the passengers.
"I'm Captain Wilson. We will be flying at 30,000 feet and should be in Denver in about 2 hours. Please relax and enjoy your flight."
After he is finished, thinking he has turned off the microphone, leans over to t...

At my open mic night, someone said Wonderwall was their favorite song, and asked if I could play it at some point.

I said, “Perhaps”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Open mic night trouser malfunction

At an open mic night a guitarist is taking requests and singing to the crowd. A women and her daughter are enjoying the music when they notice that the guitarists fly is down and his manhood is hanging out for all to see. This fact seems to be lost on the guitarist. The daughter asks her mother if t...

I got booed off stage on open mic night because of my terrible Schwarzenegger impersonation but I'm not gonna let that get to me....

I'll return

A man goes to an open mic at the local jazz club

He gets on stage and starts scatting.

He's promptly arrested for indecent exposure.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy with a stammer participates in an open Mic night at a pub.

In his opening joke, he makes fun of other people with stammers. A guy from the audience shouts, "You can't make fun of disabilities even if you have one!" The comedian replies, "Did I f-fucking s-s-stutter?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Hungarian cockroach was telling terrible jokes at an open mic night. What do you do?

Budapest

A guy at a bar goes up onto the stage at an open mic night.

“I had a Russian friend once...

And a— *taps * Check, one, two.”

Took my guitar to an open mic night at a bar. Yea, it sucked cuz they made me play one less chord.

Guess one of 'em was a minor.

Why are surgeons banned from karaoke bars?

Things tend to get messy on "Open Mic" night.

An audio technician becomes a comedian

An audio technician is on stage at an open mic night in a comedy club.

He seems to be absolutely crushing the audience with witty and outrageous jokes.

At the end of his time he gets to do a mic drop.

That was the last night he ever did comedy.

The feedback ruined it.

Funny when it's not funny: I need jokes for a funeral / eulogy.

Hey, reddit. A good buddy of mine has died. He was always the life of the party, always had fresh jokes, and would absolutely hate the idea of a depressing, somber funeral.

His friends have arranged a casual dress only (he hated dressing up), open mic style celebration of his life. One of th...

Why did the philanthropist learn how to subtract?

Because he wanted to make a difference.

My first original, time for open mic!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is looking around a pet store, when he comes across an octopus on sale for $10,000.

He asks the store owner why the octopus is so expensive to which the owner replies, “oh thats no ordinary octopus. He’s special.” He puts a guitar in front of the octopus and the octopus continues get on top of it and use his tentacles to play Stairway to Heaven in its entirety. The man is dumbfound...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Octopus Joke Retold

So this guy walks into a bar with an Octopus. He is named the Amazing Octodad, seriously it's on his T-shirt. He heads to the bar, gets a beer and waits for the music to stop. A cute blonde gives a weird wtf look when a tentacle starts wriggling over to tickle her leg but Octodad just winks and says...

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