Megaphone Jokes

A colleague walks up to him and asks: "Who are you calling? There are only 70 boats today."

The officer looks back at the lake, thinks for a bit, and starts talking again: "Boat 66, is everything ok?"

Several minutes pass but the boat doesn't return.

"Boat number 99," He again hollers, "Return to the dock immediately or I'll have to charge you over time."

"Something's wrong!We only have 75 boats."the manager pauses then raises his megaphone,"Boat number 66,are you okay?"

So I just bought a million phones.

...China, America, and Germany came too help with their state of the art cleanup robots, and sent them out to show them off to each other.

The Chinese robot broke down even before it could reach the cleanup site.

The Americans cheered as their robot performed its task in the highly i... read more

At the final days of WW2 French troops are facing a German trench in 50 meters distance and can only see a single remaining German soldier hanging around there and smoking a cigarette. So with a megaphone they demand that he surrenders. In return they hear the guy shouting “One German soldier is sti... read more

Megaphone holder: What do we want!?


Mob: EXTENDED DEADLINES FOR PROCRASTINATORS!


Megaphone holder: When do we want it?!


Mob: LATER!

...and "micro" is a prefix meaning "millionth".

So, a megaphone would be one trillion microphones.

* 1 million microphones = 1 megaphone
* 1 million bicycles = 2 megacycles
* 2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds
* 52 = 1 decacards
* 1/2 lavatory = 1 demijohn
* 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
* 435.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
* 10 rations = 1 decoration
* 10 m... read more

This morning I heard someone shouting loudly on a megaphone outside my window. Saying "If you invest $15.00 just once, you can sit and eat for the rest of your life".

I went out onto the balcony with curiosity and saw the idiot, he was selling chairs..

God calls from the heavens, “it is time.”

But Jesus and his friends can’t hear over all the partying etc

On day 39, same thing. “Son, come sit by my right hand in heaven.

Still nothing.

On the 40th day, God hears that the music is especially loud and knows he’ll likely b... read more

Police get on the megaphone trying to evacuate the area: "Go, Pat riots!"

She stays in her home and prays. A bus pulls up to her house, and the driver urges her to get out, but she replies, “No. God will save me.” The bus driver reluctantly pulls away.

Water begins pooling into her house, and she calmly rises to the second floor.

Through the window, she sees... read more

The American boasts, "clearly the American government is better. You can go to the white house with a megaphone and yell 'Trump sucks!' and you wouldn't even be arrested."
The Chinese replied, "what of it? You can go to Tiananmen square and yell 'Trump sucks!' and you still wouldn't be arrested.... read more

There once lived a bee named barry. Barry was a very smart bee, he went through all of school with straight A's. He majored in law, and eventually ran for president. He became the president of the bee hive.

Barry, unsatisfied with his accomplishments, goes on to go through human school, fir... read more

by throwing it into the local sea. However, there's a catch - the town's richest man owns a lot of property, including the sea and all its beaches. The rich man is somewhat paranoid of people trespassing on his property, so he has a private police force. The police are split into 4 teams, named Poli... read more

*Not my joke*

A storm descends on a small town, and the downpour soon turns into a flood. As the waters rise, the local preacher kneels in prayer on the church porch, surrounded by water. By and by, one of the townsfolk comes up the street in a canoe.

"Better get in, Preacher. The wate... read more

A man was in his home when a hurricane blew into town bringing with it high winds and torrential rain. A pair of cops came by in waders and asked him to evacuate.

*“No thanks, officers,"* he said. *“My life is in God’s hands.”*

So the police left and the rain continued to fall. A f... read more

He wished for a superpower, any superpower at all.

The next day, he accidentally rammed into the wall, biting on the paint. He then dissolved into a sentient puddle, able to cover the places he moved around in paint.

"Whoa!" he said, changing out of that form. He rushed over to bite a... read more

A man had an uncle who happened to own a zoo. One day, the uncle unfortunately passes away. When the man speaks to his uncle's lawyer, the lawyer offers to give him the zoo. The man willingly agrees. The zoo has an aquarium, a lion cage and a bird cage but it is in horrible condition. The man pays t... read more