It was going to be a long road trip. I popped on my headphones, pulled up a movie on my phone, and got lost in the action as the car headed down the highway.

The passengers probably wished that I'd waited until I wasn't driving to do that.

I purchased some noise canceling headphones...

I thought people would find them annoying but so far I haven't heard any complaints.

Dont see why people say that babysitting a toddler is hard. You just grease the bathtub, put them inside with some food and drink, and go do your business. I guarantee you that they will still be there when you return.

If you stay in the house, you might need to use sound cancelling headphones too though.

A man and his friend buy a home that was a previously a brothel.

A man and his friend buy a home that was a previously a brothel. They only had 4 neighbors, a priest, a paranormal investigator, a retired detective, and a woman named Samantha. One night the man begins to hear ghostly, feminine moaning from his friends room, keeping him up until early in the mornin...

I've invented an exciting new product. Say goodbye to noise-cancelling headphones...

...and say hello to noise-cancelling megaphones!

A blonde was walking down the street with headphones in

A friend of hers stops her, and tries to talk to her

The blonde just stares at them, keeping the headphones in her ears, so the friend removes them for her and the blonde stops breathing

The friend quickly puts the earbuds back in and she starts breathing again

The friend tries ...

Flight attendant: Would you like some headphones?

Passenger: Yeah. Sure. By the way, how’d you know my name was Phones?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wear headphones now when I masturbate

It's mostly to drown out the voices on the bus.
People saying things like, "You should be more responsible, you're the driver"

I'm like, "You know what lady, I get your kids to school on time, Monday through Friday"

Many veterans experience PTSD from the loud bangs of fireworks around holidays like 4th of July and New Years. My advice to them is to use noise-cancelling headphones, Netflix, and pharmaceutical-grade weed.

Just like the children of Kabul.

A blond was listening to breathing exercises on headphones and her boyfriend came up behind her and took them off her head.

She died.

The headphones I just bought for $400 doesn't seem to be working...

hope I'm having a hearing loss.

A sergeant major, an mp, and a chaplain are at a post.

The sergeant major points to the chaplain, he says to the E2 newly enlisted Military Police officer, see that chaplain over there? Yes, said the MP. The sergeant major said "arrest him, hes wearing headphones at post". The mp puts the chaplain in cuffs and reads him his rights before stopping and st...

What headphones does United Airlines use?

Beats by Dr.

How do you milk a sheep?

Sell headphones for $549.

Why should we make shoelaces out of earphone/headphones wires?

Cause they would tie themselves.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do Apples new headphones look like tampons?

Because they're made exclusively for cunts.

How do you get people to talk to you?

Put in headphones

What do you call wireless headphones you give to your kids?

Heirpods

I just bought some £300 noise cancelling headphones for my wife.

But i can still hear her.

I accidentally laundered my headphones today

Now they smell nice and I'm getting some really clean sound.

A blonde goes to a barber with a pair of headphones on...

The barber asks for her to take them off so he can cut her hair and she screams that he can't. He murmurs under his breath but begins to attempt to cut her hair. He is almost finished but he can't cut the hair under the damn headphones. He decides to make the decision himself by removing them. Once ...

What do you say to a twenty ton dinosaur with headphones on?

Anything you want. He can’t hear you

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have an idea for a knockoff brand of headphones.

Beats, by Chris Brown

In available colors

* Blood red

* Teardrop blue

* Loose tooth white

* Bruise purple

* Open wound pink

* Unconcious black

* Pissed myself yellow

* Morphine clear

* Chris BROWN

Prices so low you will be ...

My computer decided to replace all my icons to this weird yellow bubble with headphones...

The Audacity...

I was listening to my wireless headphones while the dentist was working on my teeth.

He needed to tell me something so he pulled out my earbud.

It was a Bluetooth extraction.

A blonde walked into a hairdresser with headphones on...

...And says to the hairdresser, "Do anything with my hair, but don't take the earphones off".

So the hairdresser started to cut but was finding it pretty difficult, so he thinks "What could happen if I took the headphones off?", and he took them off. The blonde dropped dead straight away.
...

My dumbass just pulled my phone closer to hear better...

I'm wearing blutooth headphones.

What do you call headphones that walk out on their children?

Deadbeats

Implantable Headphones

The past few years, people have been circulating articles saying that we'll all have to get chip implants under Obamacare. They reference the book of Revelation and say it's the mark of the beast. But I got to thinking; in-ear headphones get annoying and over-ears aren't that portable. So in the fut...

The world's leading expert on European wasps walks into a record shop.

He asks the assistant “Do you have ‘European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2? I believe it was released this week.”

“Certainly,” replies the assistant. “Would you like to listen before you buy it?”

"That would be wonderful," says the expert, and puts on a pair of headphones.

He li...

They're marketing headphones specifically for gorillas now

Rumor has it they'll be called Harambeats.

I'm so sorry.

Consult an audiophile before buying new headphones

Their reasoning is pretty sound

A blonde goes to the barber while wearing headphones

She asks for a haircut. The barber accepts but suggest her to take of her headphones, to which the blonde replies she can't cause otherwise she'll die.

The barber is confused, but decides to start cutting her hair anyway. Halfway, the barber asks again if the blonde can remove her headphones...

A man loses the ability to hear lighter sounds.

He had worn headphones at high volume for too long.

One day, he went to the Doctor for his monthly checkup. He was sitting with the Doctor. The Doctor kept talking and talking for a long time. The deaf man then said:

"Sorry, I can't understand what you're saying. Usually I can heard s...

Sharing earbuds and headphones spreads disease

How do you think I got hearing aids?

New headphones model about to hit stores.

Its called beats by Chris Brown.

I've kinda felt like my headphones recently

I've got a severe lack of anything to jack inside of.

Would headphones get tangled in space?

no, they would knot

How does lettuce listen to music?

Headphones

Um idk what to write so hi

A flight attendant sees a man watching a movie she sees he is only using captions so she walks up to him

Flight attendant: Hello would you like some headphones

Man: Of course i would but how did you know my name was phones?

A blonde with headphones goes to the barber...

When he asked her what haircut she wants, she responded: Just cut everything but without taking the headphones off.
The barber thought it was weird but he just did it.

A month later the blonde with headphones comes again to the barber. He asks her which haircut she wants and she responded ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blonde wearing large headphones walks into a hair salon

and sits down in the barber's chair. She asks for a quick trim, and the barber gets to work.

After a minute or two, the barber needs to remove the headphones to continue, and tries asking the woman to take them off. She cannot hear him, so he gives up and takes them off without permission - n...

So my brother made a dad joke

I put my pants in the washing machine and forgot to take my headphones out of my pocket. After they were done washing my brother realized what I did, he asked me

"Is the sound cleaner now?"

My running coach told me to increase the volume of my runs

So I unplugged the headphones and played my music from the speakers instead.

Brian, the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, is taking a stroll down his local high street. As he passes by the record shop, a sign catches his eye. "Just Released - New LP - Wasps of the World & the sounds that they make - available now"

Unable to resist the temptation, Brian goes into the shop. "I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make. I'd very much like to listen to the new LP you have advertised in the window."

"Certainly, Sir," says the young man behind the counter. "If you'd like t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[nsfw] Totally legit, but you can use a joke if you want to.

**Scene:** I was living in an apartment complex where all the bedroom windows faced into a small courtyard of sorts, walled on three sides with 3 stories of bedroom windows. None of the apartments in this complex have air-conditioning. It's close to midnight, December in Sydney AUS, it's a hot humid...

A Halloween story A Hospital in Alabama got a lot of doctors and medical experts baffled over a string of deaths in an ICU at an exact time and same bed

Doctor 1: It's always 10am i tell you! Then it's Flatline!

Doctor 2: I have 3 patients that has a very good chance to live but also died on that same bed and at the same time.

Doctor 3: Mine too.

Doctor 4: I have a patient in there now and its almost 10am. Shall i get him away f...

One day a blonde went to the hairdresser...

The blonde ordered a trim but insisted that she absolutely could not take off the headphones she was wearing. The hairdresser declined and kicked her out of his barber shop.The blonde kept repeating the same request at different hairdresser’s until one finally agreed. As she was getting her trim the...

I hear voices in my head

But only when I wear headphones.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In Honor of His First Emmy, My Favorite Henry Winkler Joke

Henry Winkler boards a plane and sits in First Class. The attractive stewardess says, "Would you like a drink?" and he says, "Yes, thank you."

She brings him the drink, and then asks, "Would you like some headphones?"

He says, "Absolutely. But just so you know, it's pronounced 'Fon...

In the first photo of a black hole

, scientists will find a large number of headphones, lipstick, umbrella, charging treasure, data cable, single socks, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A VERY elderly wealthy man and a gold digging show girl get married in Las Vegas.

She figures that she will show him such a good time on their wedding night that he won't survive and then she will inherit his fortune.

They get to their honeymoon suite and the show girl announces that she is going into the bathroom to freshen up. She comes out wearing a sexy little outfit t...

A blonde walks into a hairdressers

She asks the hairdresser for a trim. The hair dresser asks her to take a seat but tells the blonde she needs to remove her headphones.

Blondie insists she can't remove them and the lady will have to do the best job she can.

After a while the hairdresser gets frustrated and says, "sorry...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Reef knot, Sheepshank, Clove Hitch, Bowline. I don't know how to tie these knots

But my fucking headphones do

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After an orchestra concert, the host asks if there are any musicians in the audience.

Many audience members raise their hands, and the host randomly selects three of them, and invites them on the stage for a quick quiz. The first one turns out to be a pianist, the second one is a singer, and the last one is a drummer.

The host says: "Let's have a quick quiz, shall we? Our pian...

A blonde goes to the hairdresser

A blonde goes to the hairdresser wearing headphones. The hairdresser asks her to take her headphones off. No! The blonde replies. But m’ am, your headphones are in the way, please take them off. No! The blonde says again. Because the blonde refuses to take her headphones off, the hairdresser sees bu...

Do you know why Apple steals all their ideas?

Cause when they make their own I lose my headphones.

Trying to talk to a gorgeous girl

ME: \*tries to talk to a girl on train\*

GIRL: \*points to her headphones\*

ME: oh yeah, those are nice! so what's your name?

Known as the "one-day insect" the Mayfly has the shortest lifespan of all organisms...

But it still lives longer than my headphones.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ray Rice jokes for DAYS!

There's like maybe four or five jokes in this list that were already posted on the internet, but the rest of this list was pretty much made up by me while I was bored. Ray Rice's incident is a gold mine of humor....just not for him. Easily offended need not apply here. Enjoy.

1.) Ray Rice's w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man wakes up for work, and in the shower he hears a voice in his head

"Sell everything you own, fly to Las Vegas" the voice says.

The man is confused, but shrugs it off and assumes he just imagined it. He gets out of the shower and brushes his teeth. After he gets dressed, he heads into the kitchen to make a quick breakfast. As he's looking in the fridge, he he...

A Guy Is In A Waiting Room When..

A guy is in a waiting room and has to fart, so he waits for the music to get loud and farts to the beat so no one hears him. He looks up for a moment and everyone is staring at him. He takes out his headphones and says "what??"

A man was eating alone in a restaurant listening to music

As he was eating his dinner, he needed to pass gas. He didn't want to leave his table unattended and came up with a plan. He decided to let it out to the beat of the music so that no one would hear it. When he was done he looked up to see if anyone noticed. They were all staring at him. He forgot he...

A blonde is roller-skating down the board-walk one day.

A blonde is roller-skating down the board-walk one day. She's just skating along in her lycra pants, smiling at everyone, listening to her Walkman.

She decides that she really needs a haircut. She skates into the first salon she sees and goes up to the hairdresser and says, "I need a haircut....

Good Sound

An mp3 file was relaxing on his couch at home, when his wife comes up to him.

Wife: "Honey, could you explain this charge for $600?"
Mp3: "Oh, thats for a new set of headphones."
Wife: "For $600??? How could you spend that much?"
Mp3: "But the sound quality is really good!"
Wife: ...

Two Blizzard employees are driving through a city and are trying to get to an event.

They've been driving for what feels like an eternity but can't seem to find where the event is hosted. They see a young teenager walking on the sidewalk and decide to ask for directions.

After pulling to the side and stopping the teen they ask: "Excuse us, do you happen to know where the Bliz...

So an iPhone 7 gets arrested...

He puts on his earpods and smugly declares "sorry, you can't charge me while I'm using my headphones".

iPhone 7 is revolutionary!

•no headphones jack
•no wireless charging
•no curved screen
•no 4K resolution (or even full HD) screen
•no VR headset support
•no 360 camera support
•no expansion storage slot

It is true revolution in scamming people to upgrade from old iPhones!

A blonde goes to a hairdresser

A blonde went to a hairdresser to get her hair cut, when she walked in and sat down the hairdresser asked her to take out her earphones

'oh no, I can't do that my mother and father told me to never take them out'

The hairdresser said that she would have to as he could not cut her hair ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.