Joe the Carpenter

Joe was a simple and serious man. He was a carpenter in a small village named Arge Oaks where he owned the store "Joe's Carpentry."

For years Joe impressed his fellow neighbors with the highest quality carpentry work. Some people in town complained he was a bit too expensive, but no one ever...

Why did the maniacal chemist drop a rancher into his latest concoction?

Because the rancher was a cattlist.

After 3 hours of watching friends and laughing maniacally...

They were all “Dude, you gotta stop, you’re creeping us out”.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A group of Engineering professors were invited to fly in a plane.

Right after they were comfortably seated, they were informed the plane was built by their students.

All but one got off their seats and headed frantically to the exits in maniacal panic.

The one lone professor that stayed put, calmly in his seat, was asked: “Why did you stay put?”
<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stop alright! It's not No Nut November!

It's always Jack-off January, Fap February, Masturbate March, Abuse-yo-cock April, Maniacally beat-yo-meat May, Jizzy June, Jerk July, Abolish-yo-junk August, Seep-yo-seed September, Orgasmic October, Nut November, Destroy Dick December.

Bill Gates dies and reaches the Pearly Gates....[Long]

Meets Saint Peter at the gates and he tells Bill, “because you brought computers, technology and helped humanity, we have decided to let you tour hell and after the tour, you get to decide if you want to stay there, or come into heaven”

“I get to choose?” Asked Bill

“Yes... But just re...

A woman is giving birth to her child

And finally, after much effort and pain, the doctor manages to help deliver the baby. The Doctor then proceeds to chuck the baby out of the window.

W: "Why? Why did you do that to my poor baby, you monster?"

The Doctor laughs maniacally and replies "April Fool's! He was already dead."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into an unfamiliar bar on the countryside

and he orders a beer. Soon he spots a sign saying "make our depressed horse laugh, get 500 dollars."
The man asks the barman if it's true. The barman confirms. After which the man decides to give it a go and is pointed to the stables behind the bar by the barman. And sure enough; after a little w...

Three men are on a desrted island and get captured by cannibals

The chief of the cannibals walks up to the first man and says,
"We will grind your bones and use them for forks! Do you have any last requests?"

The man says, "I would like the most delicious meal you can offer me."

The chief grants the man his request and grinds his bones into fork...

A monk at a Benedictine monastery lived there for many years,

became well known for his immense learning, and eventually rose to the position of abbot, where he gained access to the monastery’s full archives. He decided to open the archives and begin translating and cataloging it.

So he holed up in the vast library, carefully going through its many rare...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do not leave your car if you're traveling through the countryside in Spain. [PART 1]

I want to tell you guys the story of my trip abroad and why you shouldn't ever leave your car if you see an overturned cart.

My wife and I decided to visit her hometown near Madrid.

While we were traveling the countryside via a rented car, we stumbled upon what appeared to be an overt...

The Devil burst through the floor of a church in Brooklyn

He starts roaring and shouting in everyone's face saying, "DOOMS DAY HAS COME AND ALL YOUR SOULS ARE NOW MINE!" And he begins to laugh maniacally.
Everybody runs out screaming in terror except for one old dude who is giving him the evil eye. So The Devils gets right in face and roars his loudest ...

Where did Napoleon keep his armies?

IN HIS SLEEVIES!

Best used with little kids, or followed by maniacal laughter.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Superman was flying around metropolis one day...(NSFW)

...Minding his own business when all of a sudden he noticed Wonder Woman sunbathing nude on a roof. Wonder Woman appeared to be pretty amarous, as she was squirming around, moaning, and rubbing herself.

Superman:"Man, that's pretty damn hot. I know what I'll do. I'll fly down and use my supe...

An American in China

An American visits China for the first time and finds himself in a small gift shop.

He finds a bronze statue of a mouse that he really likes so he asks the shopkeeper about it.

"It's 10 for the statue but you'll have to pay more for the story behind it."

The American pays for...

A politician dies and goes to heaven...

He is greeted by St. Peter who tells him there is a new system in the afterlife. You can spend one day in heaven and one day in hell, and afterwords you can decide where you want to spend eternity.

The politician say, "ok, let's try this out."

So he spends the day in heaven, praying ...

Tim the Conductor

Once upon a time there was a train conductor named Tim. Tim greatly enjoyed conducting his train around every day, and even though he had relatively poor pay, all was well in Tim's world. There was only one issue; Tim was a flat out *awful* conductor. He reduced the overall efficiency of all of the ...

A little boy asks a middle-aged gentleman for the time

The gentleman looks at his watch and says, "It's ten minutes to three." The boy says, "Well, at 3:00, you can kiss my ass!" He sprints off, cackling maniacally, as the gentleman starts chasing him angrily.

They round a corner and the gentleman almost knocks over a passerby. After the gen...

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