License Plate Jokes - 36 Hilarious License Plate Jokes

My instructor asked me, "Can you read that car's license plate from here?"

I answered, "YES!! NOW COULD YOU **PLEASE** OPEN THE PARACHUTE NOW!!!???"

I just bought the personalized license plate BAA BAA...

For my black jeep...

Today I saw a license plate that said 420-fps

Their is no joke I just want to share something cool but I have no friends

I getting “Jesus Is Lord” on my new license plate.

JISLORD

Gotta love the graphic designer for the PA license plate

...cuz the colors I associate the state with are blue, white, and yellow like the gorgeous beaches it has.

If I ever own a hydrogen car, I know what my license plate will be.

HNDNBRG

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and his wife are driving down the road when a cop pulls them over.

The cop says to the man:

\- Do you know that you were speeding, sir?
\- No officer, I didn't know I was speeding...

The wife then says:

\- Come on, Henry, you knew you were speeding, I've been telling you to slow down for miles.

The man shoots a dark look at his wife...

Vanity License Plates

I saw a license plate recently that said "MBA MOM" on it.

I don't think that kind of license plate would work for me because all I have is an Associates Degree.

So mine would just say "ASS DAD".

The first self driving commercial cars license plate should be...

'AFKBRB'

You know why the Oklahoma license plate has the motto, "It's OK"?

Because they couldn't fit "Mediocre"

What does the license plate of the sheep farmer say?

Ewe haul.

My wife’s car got stolen while she was out the other day.

I said ,“Were you able to see what the guy looked like?”

She replied, “No, but I got the license plate number!”

[Source](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=jrFgD9-l390)

I have a driver's license but it's at home, I accidentally left it with my license plate and proof of insurance.

....I don't get it either but when I told it to the cop he laughed and said that's funny.

My dog is so lazy!

He doesn't run after cars like other dogs. He stands on the sidewalk and takes the license plate numbers.

Apprehended

A mild-mannered man was being tailgated by a stressed-out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection. The tailgating wom...

I'm getting really sick of these Amber Alerts...

They either wake you up at three in the morning or broadcast your license plate to the whole world.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A white man comes across a Native American lying with his ear pressed against the ground between a pair of tire tracks.

“What’s going on?” the white man asks.

“White Chevy Tahoe. Four door. License plate XPV 14785. Has a Coexist bumper sticker,” replies the Native American.

“Wow, you can tell all that from just listening to the ground?”

“No, you idiot! That’s what the asshole who hit me was drivi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is interrogated by a cop after witnessing a robbery

When the cop asks him what happened he says:

*"A truck stopped right in front of the jewellery store, the back of the truck opens and comes out a big elephant. The elephant walked right through the windows of the store and proceeded to steal everything it could. It then walked back in the tru...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a cop on his horse waiting to cross the road when a little boy on his new shiny bike stopped beside him. ''Nice bike,'' the cop said, ''did Santa bring it to you?''

''Yep,'' the little boy said, ''he sure did!''

The cop looked at the bike and while handing the boy a $20 ticket he said, ''Next year, tell Santa to put a license plate on the back of it.''

To go along with the cop, the little boy said, ''Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring i...

I want to try translating a Finnish joke to English and see if it works.

What is the animal that steals license plates?
- A turtle.

I was driving behind a BMW in which the driver was signalling all the turns ...

If you own one and your license plate is CJKM6144, your car has been stolen!

Ociffer

An off-duty police officer, familiar with radar guns,
drove through a school zone within the legal speed limit when the flash of a camera went off, taking a picture of his license plate.

The officer, thinking the radar was in error, drove by again;
even more slowly. Another flash. ...

Something funny my daughter said

I took the family on a road trip to Colorado to go snowboarding. (FYI: my kids are Vietnamese).

Had my two youngest daughters in the back, Nhi 9 & Oanh 11.

Youngest was reading license plates off, "Kansas, Texas, Colorado" etc.

Then I hear Nhi (little one) in her viet/engl...

Fall is the most beautiful time in Florida, really...

All the license plates start changing colors.

I got a new tag on my car

On the front of my car, there's a license plate that says "Dodge."

That's not the manufacturer, it's a suggestion.

A pickpocket is a victim of a motorcycle hit-and-run.

A police officer comes to his aid.

"Do you remember his license plate?" he asks.

"No" says the pickpocket weakly, "but here's his wallet."

How do you tell if someone is a Trump supporter?

If their hat, shirt, bumper sticker, four flags on their car, license plate, the seven flags outside their house, and their personality doesn't tell you, I don't know what to say.

The sharp eye-witness

While Mark was shopping for pet supplies, one of the salespeople came running up to him. “Mark! Mark! I just saw someone driving off with your BMW!”

“Dear God! Did your try to stop him?”

“No,” said the clerk, “but don’t worry. I got the license plate number!”

Speeding in the south

Years ago I was pulled over for speeding on the Atlanta connector. As he walked up to my window, I suppose the trooper didn't much like my Michigan license plates. "Son" he said, "no one goes tearing that fast through Atlanta"

I blinked. "Well.... Sherman did."

I feel like a gigolo

A lady came to the shop with her front license plate hanging off. I put in a couple of screws and she gave me $10.

Blondes and a Mummy

Two blondes are looking at an Egyptian mummy.

Blonde 1 : look so many bandages ! Must have been a car accident.

Blonde 2 : yeah ! They have give the license plate number as well , BC 1760

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pope Francis came to visit the US…

He was to address the UN in the morning, and give mass at Madison Square Garden later that day. After the UN address, the pope was given a chauffeur driven limo to get to MSG in time for the mass. Leaving the UN, he ran into New York City bumper-to-bumper traffic, and was stuck with the time for m...

This is how good my dog is, LOL.

I tell ya, my dog is lazy. He don’t chase cars. He sits on the curb and takes down license plate numbers.
—Rodney Dangerfield

Two scientists are studying a nest of newly-hatched crows..

The new parents are doing what they can, and the three chicks are noisy and demanding.

One day, the scientists notice that one of the chicks isn't making noise anymore. They see he's making the motions, but no sound is coming from his beak.

The scientists decide to do something to try ...

Happy Retirement

My friends that still work ask me frequently what I do every day, now that I'm retired. Well, for example, the other day I went downtown and entered a shop; I wasn't there for even five minutes.

When I exited, a cop was filling out a ticket for double-parking. I quickly approached him and sai...

An Asian guy walks past a bar with a strange sign.

The sign reads: "We double-charge for all drinks. If you leave without finishing your drink the remaining money will be credited to the first person who asks for them instead of being returned to you. Please ensure you order just enough!"

He sits down next to an Asian girl. She turns...

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