So, Jesus is going over the bill for the Last Supper...

So Jesus is going over the bill for the Last Supper when the apostles notice he has closed his eyes, and is rubbing the bridge of his nose. Exasperated, he asks: "Why... WHY would anyone order wine?"

Jesus enters the restaurant where the last supper is going to take place. Jesus: “table for 26, please” Waiter: “I count only 13 people”

Jesus: “Yeah, but we are all going to sit on the same side”

"What time are we getting together for the last supper, Jesus?"

"Oh, hey, Judas. Come over about thr...wait, *last* supper?"

"Yeah, no, like, supper. When's supper?"

Jesus, waving around a baguette at The Last Supper

"You wanna piece of me!?"

Last supper

Last supper- the bearded man takes the bread and says- eat it, my body.
Last supper - the bearded man lifts up the glass of wine and says- drink it, my blood.
Every one eats and drinks
Bearded man lifts up a small bowl- mayonnaise anyone????


Got something new for an ex-Catholi...

Jesus and the disciples are at the Last Supper

Jesus holds up a cup of wine and says, "This is my blood."

Then he holds up a loaf of bread and says, "This is my body."

Then he holds up some mayonnaise and Peter says, "Let me stop you right there, Jesus."

What did Jesus say to his disciples while having the last supper?

Get on this side of the table if you want your picture taken.

At the Last Supper, the server is bringing in bread and stubs his toe...

"Ow! Jesus Christ!"

Jesus: "Yes, my son?"

The last supper

Jesus goes for supper with his 12 disciples and asks the inn keeper, "Would like a table for 26, please."
The confused inn keeper replies "But I see only 13 of you here. Are we expecting more?"
Jesus replies "No. We are all going to sit on the same side of the table."

Jesus sits down at the Last Supper with his disciples.

He rises and addresses them: "I'm the son of God."
"No way!" they say.
"Yahweh."

How did the apostles prepare for the Last Supper?

Peter set the table. Paul cooked the food. Jesus swept.

Judas: C´mon Jesus we´re gonna be late for last supper

Jesus: The what??
Judas: The supper.. we´re gonna be late for supper.

Judas- Hey Jesus, see you at the last supper!

Jesus- What?

Judas- Supper. See you at supper.

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Jesus is at the last supper with his disciples,

And at the last supper, Jesus takes the bread, blesses it, and says,

"Take this, all of you, and eat it, for this is my body."

He then proceeds to bless the wine and says,

"Take this, all of you, and drink it, for this is my blood."

Finally, he picks up the milk, but Pete...

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Jesus arrives at the last supper...

...he walks in and sees a mad party - alcohol, hookers, tables bending under the weight of the food and music thumping. He asks Peter: "what the fuck, Pete?! This was supposed to be a humble going-away dinner; where did you get the cash for all this?!" Peter replies: "I don't know; Judas sold someth...

The LAST Last Supper

On the eve of his crucifixion, Christ gathered his disciples for a final meal.

As he broke bread, Christ turned to the table and said, "On this night, one of you shall betray me."

There is a panicked murmur among the disciples.

Finally Peter steps forward. "Is it I, Lord? Am I ...

What would be the title of the TV series covering 'The Last Supper'?

Breaking Bread.

Jesus at the last supper

Jesus speaks to his apostles during the last supper and says, "One of you will betray me."

John turns to Jesus with fear in his eyes and asks, "Will it be me? Will I betray you lord?" Jesus smiles kindly at John and says, "No my brother, you will not betray me".

Peter next approaches J...

I can't help but think that The Last Supper must have been a bit tense...

...with Jesus relating the bread to his broken skin and the wine to his own blood.

I bet no one touched the meatballs.

Jesus is preparing for the Last Supper...

Jesus: Judas, I need you to go to each and every one of my disciples and tell them to meet me here for supper. Also, stop by the market and get some fish, vegetables, and a dessert. When you've come back and are done cooking, set up the table and our best plates.

Later that evening, while ev...

The Last Supper

The Lord Jesus, on the night he was betrayed, took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and said, “This is my body, which is for you; do this in remembrance of me.”

In the same way, after supper he took the cup, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood; do this, whenever...

The apostles are at the last supper...

Jesus is eating like a slob and spilling wine everywhere and Judas says to him "Were you born in a barn?"

Why is there no cheese in the menu for the Last Supper?

Because Jesus took the wheel.

I'm painting a still life version of The Last Supper with all the apostles as vegetables

Judas is carrot.

A Jewish man goes to the Vatican

And demands to see the Pope, the cardinals and guards recognize this man from an old family from Jerusalem, and they begin to turn him away.

The Pope happens to be walking around and hears the commotion, and asks what is going on.

One of the cardinals tells him that this man and his fa...

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An old jew visits the pope

The pope was sitting in his office one day when his secretary came running in.

“Your Holiness, there’s an old jew who’s been sitting outside your door every day for the last few weeks. He said he wants an audience.”

The pope was surprised by this statement, but seeing as the jew had w...

Should have seen it coming Jesus!

Judas: still on for Friday?

Jesus: Friday?

Judas: yeah, the last supper

Jesus: the what?

Judas: supper, normal supper with the fellas

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At the gates of the Vatican, there stood a jew demanding to meet with the pope.

The cardinals on gate duty knew him to be the head of an ancient Jewish family, that had tried to meet with The Pope for generations.

As they were shooing him away, The Pope walked by and heard the commotion.

"what is going on?" he asked.

"Your Grace, it is simply a jew who wish...

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Jesus after the Last Supper goes through the bills.

"Guys, seriously, what the fuck, who ordered wine?"

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Jesus and his disciples are sat around the Last Supper table...

Jesus and his disciples are sat around the Last Supper table. They're all talking and debating when suddenly Jesus stands up from the table.

A hush falls across the room.

Jesus looks around, picks up a goblet of wine and says, ''This is my blood, take it and drink it''.

So he pa...

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A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor for help. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervious I take a sip."

So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass he found the following note on his door:

Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.

There are 10 commandments, not 1...

Hundreds of years after their deaths, Galileo, Leonardo Da Vinci, and Marco Polo are walking in heaven and decide to have a conversation with Jesus...

Galileo says, “Jesus, I’ve been thinking about my past life on Earth, and I wanted to know what I am remembered for all these years later.”

Jesus pauses and replies, “Galileo, you are remembered as the Father of Modern Physics. By being one of the first to apply mathematics to motion, you le...

Every time a new Pope is elected...

...there are a lot of rituals in accordance with tradition. Well, there is one tradition that very few people know about. Shortly after the new Pope is enthroned, the Chief Rabbi seeks an audience. He is shown into the Pope's presence, whereupon he presents the Pope with a silver tray bearing a velv...

Karl had the worst headache ever.

After he slowly opened his eyes, one at a time, he found that his wife had already left the bedroom. He was lying on the floor for some reason and had a raging headache and a big bump on his forehead. That probably meant he was getting screamed at, when he got downstairs.

He tried to go to th...

Happy Easter

Three blondes died in a car crash trying to jump the Grand Canyon and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St Peter tells them that they can enter the gates only if they can answer one simple religious question. The question posed by St. Peter is "What is Easter"?

The first blonde replies, "Oh...

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The pope decides to remove all of the jews from italy.

The jews, obviously, disagree with this; so the pope agrees to have a debate with a rabbi for if the jews should stay in italy or not. The jews vote and decide on an old, wise rabbi.

The time for the debate comes, and it dawns on them that they can't understand each other, so they decide to ...

Jesus is setting up for supper and he calls Judas

over to help. "Judas, please set the table. " Judas complies and sets the table. "Judas, put the food on the table." Judas places the food on the table. "Judas, please call everyone to the table. " Again, he does as he is told and gathers everyone.

As they are enjoying the feast Jesus plann...

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A theologician went to an isolated tribe...

The isolated Tiktik tribe living in the middle of the Borneo jungle had recently come into contact with the outside world. A theologician from a Christian university was sent to the Tiktiks to spread the word of the Bible. The Tiktik chief had quickly learned the English language after first contact...

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A Jew meets the Pope

A Jew applied for an audience with the Pope. After insistently waiting for three days and refusing to budge before an audience with the pontiff, he was finally granted one...

'Your Holiness, I come from a long line of cooks', said the Jew.

'That's very nice', said the Pope. 'What can I...

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King of Jews

Jesus wasn't known as the king of Jews until the last supper when he decided not to tip.

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a few lighter-side "yo momma" jokes

in general, the vast majority of "yo momma" jokes I hear are simply nasty or mean, with the only "humour" lying in the gross factor and/or the insulting nature of the dig (obviously those belong in /r/insults). but every now and then I hear a good one that makes me genuinely laugh, usually because o...

The Spice Mafia

It is a little known fact that some people want spices that they cannot obtain legally. Be it decades-old oregano, salt from the Last Supper, or the flesh of Sean Spicer, some people love strange and unusual spices. However, in order to obtain these spices, they only have one place to turn: the Spic...

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