UPJOKE
torahmatzoorthodox judaismnisanshavuotisraelitesjudaismpesachslaveryancient egypteucharistsukkoteasterthe exoduspassover seder

Passover Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Jewish man took his Passover lunch to eat outside in the park..

He sat down on a bench and began eating.

After a few minutes, a blind man came by and sat down next to him.

Feeling neighborly, the Jewish man passed a sheet of matzo to the blind man.

The blind man ran his fingers over the matzo for a few seconds, looked puzzled, and finally ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A British Jew is to be knighted by the King.

He is to kneel in front of him and recite a sentence in Latin when he taps him on the shoulders with his sword. However, when his turn comes, he panics in the excitement of the moment and forgets the Latin. Then, thinking fast, he recites the only other sentence he knows in a foreign language, which...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why didn’t the Jews eat Jesus on Passover?

Because Jesus rises.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Passover joke about rabbits.

So this Jew owns two pet rabbits. Every so often, he'd give them some cardboard to chew on.

On Passover, he decided to give them some matzah to see how they'd like it.

The two rabbits try the matzah. One said to the other, "Does this cardboard taste a bit funny to you?"

The seco...

Pontius Pilate: “As a gesture of goodwill to mark the beginning of Passover, we will release one prisoner.”

Crowd:

PP: “It’s part of my new Pilate program.”

Crowd: BOOOOOOOOO

Why is Passover the slowest time of the year for Jewish divorce lawyers?

Leaven is forbidden.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jews will be celebrating Passover soon...

...to commemorate the day John Stewart was passed over for the spot on the late show.

I plead with those of the Jewish faith, please don't passover this joke

And let it dayenu.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three blonde friends died together in a car wreck...

They found themselves standing in front of the pearly gates with St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter heaven, they had to tell him what Easter was about.

The first blonde said, "Easter is a big holiday where we give thanks, have a big feast and eat turkey."

"Nooooo," sa...

I'm in a synagogue, and can't leave due to a heavy storm

I'll just wait for it to Passover

why couldn't the rabbi eat out during passover?

His girlfriend had a yeast infection

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do Jews do when there's a heavy storm?

Wait for it to Passover

My friend was cranky from fasting all day for Yom Kippur yesterday.

I’m sure it will Passover.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(Nsfw) How do jews smoke weed?

They puff puff passover

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

a Male Hen

It was Passover and the priest had lost his Rooster and didn't know where to find it. So at the sermon on Good Friday he asked, "Has anybody got the cock?" All the men stood up. "No! no! I mean has anybody seen the cock?" All the women folk stood up. "No! no! I mean has anybody seen my cock?"
...

Pope Francis has cancelled the Easter events this year due to COVID-19.

I guess he’s just gonna Passover it this year.

A Jewish father calls his son in New York and tells him...

“I hate to tell you, but your mother and I can't stand each other anymore and we are divorcing. That's it! I want to live out the rest of my years in peace. I am telling you now so you and your sister shouldn't go into shock later when I move out."

The father hangs up and David immediately c...

It looks like Jared and Ivanka's Judaism is really rubbing off on Trump.

He's even cleaning out his Cabinet for Passover.

If He has risen...

...does that mean Jesus isn’t kosher for Passover?

Happy Easter

Three blondes died in a car crash trying to jump the Grand Canyon and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St Peter tells them that they can enter the gates only if they can answer one simple religious question. The question posed by St. Peter is "What is Easter"?

The first blonde replies, "Oh...

What's long, Jewish, and rough with your ass?

Passover

Three blondes

Three blondes are driving down the street in a little car and get in an accident in which they all die. They awake to find themselves at the gates of Heaven, with Saint Peter smiling sweetly. He welcomes them and announces "ladies, before me I have the book of life. In it, i can see you've done some...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.