Did you hear about the karate champion who joined the army?

It was pretty bad. The first time he saluted, he almost killed himself!

Why did the Cupboard learn Karate?

for Shelf-Defense

I asked a Black Belt if he liked karate

He said hi-Yah!

*My gf woke me up to tell me she came up with a joke and I'd figure I'd see the reception, thank you for your time*

I saw my old karate coach in his car yesterday

He drove a KIIIIAAA.

What is it called when an amputee does karate?

Partial arts

What do you call pig who knows karate?

Pork Chop

Karate Dog

There once was a young couple who lived in a town filled with crime. After three neighbors' houses had been robbed, the couple decided to get a guard dog.
So one day the wife went to the pet store and said, “I need a good guard dog.”

And the clerk replied, “Sorry, we're all sold out. All...

Why did the karate student wear brown shoes to the dojo?

He didn't have a black belt

What do you call a ginger kid who’s good at karate?

The Carroty Kid.

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.....

...in a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,

"Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

* The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
* The bouncer is a blonde girl.
* I'm a 6...

Why did the karate master rob the shoe store?

Just for kicks

I asked my karate instructor if I'd ever be able to do a dragon punch.

He said, "Suuuureyoucan!"

It's not that I love karate

I just hate boards

My neighbor's son was constantly being beaten at school, so she put him on Karate Classes

Now he is beaten both at Karate and at school

I was really upset that I came in last at the karate competition yesterday.

I was kicking myself.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Financial collapse in Japan

Origami Bank has folded.


Sumo Bank has gone belly up.


Bonsai Bank has had to cut back some of its branches.


Karaoke Bank has been put up for sale and is going for a song.


There's something fishy going on at Sushi Bank...shareholders are afraid they...

A karate professional is shooting a movie scene

He fails the first take, to which the director remarks, "Aren't you a professional? "

"Yeah, but this is take one though. "

What is it called when the fat kid does karate?

Pork Chops

My blackbelt karate teacher has honed his skill of painting high ranking military officials for years

Now he is a master of marshal arts.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In two weeks I Masters Ninjitsu, Karate, Judo...

And two other Japanese words.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear the one about the giraffe who learned Karate?

He looked like a fucking idiot.

I completed my karate exam with flying colors!

Black and blue that is.

I beat a black belt at karate.

My next challenger is a green sock.

I know karate, kung fu, judo, juijitsu, taekwondo...

and a whole bunch of other words that describe skills I don't have.

What do you get when you mix a pig and a karate master?

A porkchop.

A student at the karate convention asks a teacher where to stay.

They respond " At the Hyaaaatt ! "

Chinese Martial Arts!

I was standing in a bar in town yesterday when a little Chinese guy came in,stood next to me & started drinking a beer.

I asked him, "*Do you know any of those martial arts things, like Kung-Fu, karate or Ju-Jitsu?"*

He replied, "*No! Why the heck you ask me that? Is it because I...

A blind man walks into a bar

He makes his way to the front, takes a seat and says to the bartender:
"You wanna hear a blonde joke?"
To which the bar tender replies:
"Mate, im blonde, and over there we have the world wrestling champion and he is blonde, on the other side of the room we have the womans boxing world cha...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Karate Kid was about masturbation....

Wax on, Wacks off.

A Karate master teaches his students how to break a piece of wood

He points his finger to the center of the board and tells his students, "This is the punch line"

What do you call handicapped kids doing karate?

partial-arts

What do you call an amputee trying to do karate?

Partial Arts.

Edit: It's been pointed out that the grammatical construction of this joke could have been better. How about: "What is it called when an amputee does karate? Partial Arts.

Edit edit: best follow up question: What's an amputee's favourite karate weapon? Nub chucks.

What do you call karate kid with high-end guitar amp?

Marshall artist

I decided to teach karate to my neighbors kid

He was enthusiastic for the first two days but then quit before he could finish painting the fences

What do you call a tree that does karate

Spruce Lee

A man walks into a bar, he takes a seat and asks the barmen if he wanted to hear a blonde joke?

the barmen replies before you tell this joke I want to tell you something, see the women over there, she is a black belt in karate, she’s blonde , see the bouncer over there he is also a blonde, see the chick over there with that pool que she is also blonde, also I have a shotgun behind the bar i’m ...

I advise you, don't mess with me, I know karate, kung fu, judo, tae kwon do, jujit su...

and other 28 dangerous words.

Started teaching my son and his friends Karate...

I'm not qualified I just really enjoy kicking children.

What do you call a lawyer with a black belt in karate?

A self defense attorney!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Only Australians and/or New Zealanders will get this joke

A large man walks into a bar and looks for a place to sit. Every stool and table is taken but at the end of the bar is a little man drinking a beer by himself. So, the big man walks up behind him and slaps him across the back of head and he falls to the floor.

The little man gets up rubbing h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW The wax job

A trucker sees a Japanese massage parlor and decides to partake of the services.

He goes inside, pays $40 and they give him a perfectly ordinary massage.

He protests "Hey, wait a minute! Haven't you got something else? Something a little 'special'?"

The cute Japanese gi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to watch movies with my friend when we’re growing up.

One thing I don’t really get is how he used to adore who I hate. Johnny in The Karate Kid, Draco Malfoy in Harry Potter, Gaston in Beauty and the Beast. They are the definition of a bully.

He just came out last week. No wonder he likes assholes, he’s gay.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Karate

is the ancient Japanese art of getting people to buy lots of belts.

An old, blind man walks into an all female bar without realizing it ...

He sits down at the bar, orders a beer and yells out, "Anyone wanna hear a blonde joke?!?" The bartender, seething already, warns him, "mister, I can see that your blind, so before you go any further, let me make you aware of something. I'm blonde and also hold a black belt in karate ... the blond...

Someone was handing out certificates for a free Karate Lesson at the mall yesterday

He told me I could only Taek Won Do

There was a man who became the karate champion on Christmas Day...

So he decided to go by the name, "The Nutcracker."

My wife says it's time I stop pretending to be The Karate Kid.

I had to put my foot down.

I've always been terrible at Karate, so my Sensei told me "Wax on, Wax off."

I'm now in burning pain, but my chest is *spotless.*

What does this have to do with Karate?

So a young man comes to his first ever Karate lesson

He steps through the doors of the dojo and sees three groups being taught moves by an instructor

He is directed to the first line where one of the Sensei's is teaching them how to block a hit

The man quickly learns the move and advances to the second group, proud of his achievement
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Asian guy walks into a bar

He sits down at the the bar and start drinking a beer. The guy next to him ask: you know kung fu or karate or any or this shit? The asian guy replies: why you ask this, is because I chinese? The other guy replies no it’s because you’re drinking my fucking beer.

I hear that if you draw a really good portrait of Jason Segel you will instantly be proficient in Karate, Taekwondo, and Jiu Jitsu

I think it has something to do with becoming a master Marshall artist

My career as a karate instructor finally came to an end.

The parents found out I wasn't qualified and just enjoyed kicking children.

I used to think my Karate instructor was very wise.

However, yesterday my pregnant neighbour Mrs. Wong and her husband rushed to hospital.

When they came back today they had the baby with them so I figured I'd go say hi.

Strangest thing! The baby is Caucasian!

I couldn't believe my eyes, this whole time my instructor had been lyi...

Have you seen the new karate opera?

Critics are calling it sensei-tional.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Japanese Banking Crisis

Uncertainty has hit the Japanese banking industry.


In the past week, Origami bank has folded, Sumo bank has gone belly up and Bonsai bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.


Last week it was announced that Karaoke bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song w...

I was sitting at a bar last night and this Asian looking fella sits down next to me and takes a sip of beer.

I glance over at him and ask if he knows any of those martial arts like Kung fu, or Karate or Ju Jitsu. He says no, WTF man!? Are you asking because I’m Chinese?

I said no, it’s because you’re drinking my beer.

Why do indie kids suck at karate?

They never got past the white belt.

One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus and drove off along the route:

No problems for the first few stops.
A few people got on, a few got off and things went generally well.

At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on.

Six foot eight, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground.

He glared at the driver and said. "Big John...

What's the difference between karate and judo?

Karate is a method of self defense and judo is what bagels are made of.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some guy knocked on my door wanting to tell me the great news about our Lord.

I said "fuck off, i dont beleave in of that shit."


As I tried to close the door in his face, he grabbed my arm and twisted it up my back slamming my face into the wall, then with a single rabbit punch broke 3 of my ribs, he then kung fu kicked my leg shattering the bone in three places.<...

Karate chop

A huge guy walks into a bar, approaches a little guy and karate chops him in the back. When the little guy gets up, the huge guy says, "That was a karate chop from Korea."

A little later, the huge guy walks back over to the little guy and karate chops him in the back. The huge guy says, "That...

A young couple's house gets burgled, so they decide to get a guard dog...

The wife goes to a pet shop and tells the owner "I'd like to see the toughest guard dog you've got!"

The owner answers "I've got just the dog for you!". He presents to her to a tiny chihuahua called Roxy.

"Sure he's cute, but can he really guard a home?" she asks skeptically.

"L...

Game Show

Some folks see me as a know-it-all. I'm not, but I have a reasonable memory, and it got me on a game show, once.

The television game show was being recorded - they do a whole week at a time, and this was the wrap-up. I was in the hot seat for the last big question.

The host turned to m...

A blind man walked into a bar one night...

. One of the patrons at the bar saw him and helped him get to a barstool and get a drink. After a few minutes, the blind man leaned over to his new friend and said, "I just heard the world's best blonde joke. Would you like to hear it?"

The other man said, "Friend, before you say another word...

A student is failing an exam, so he decides to make a bet with the proffesor

He walks up and says: "lets bet on a 'C' that I can break your desk with one hit using my left hand". The proffesor says: "There's no way, lets bet". The student swings his left and and karate chops the desk in half.
Then he says:"Wanna bet on an 'B' that I can hit my head through this chalk boa...

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