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Karate Jokes

I just beat a black belt at karate...

My next challenge is a green sock .

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was at the bar in the International Airport when a small Chinese guy comes in, stands next to me, and starts drinking a beer. I asked him, "Do you know any of those martial arts, like Kung-Fu, or Karate?" He says "No, why in the hell would you ask? Is it because I am Chinese?"

"No", I said, "It's because you're drinking my beer, you little fucker."

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I once dreamt that I was masturbating to pictures of my karate teachers.

Then I came to my senseis.

What do you call a pig that knows karate ?

Pork Chop

I can't believe I came in last at the Karate competition.

I'm still kicking myself.

Started teaching my son and his friends Karate...

I'm not qualified I just really enjoy kicking children.

My neighbor's son was constantly being beaten at school, so she put him on Karate Classes

Now he is beaten both at Karate and at school

What do you call a 1 armed man who does karate?

Partial arts

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Karate Dog

A man walks into an exotic pet shop and is surrounded by animals he would not consider as normal pets: foxes, tigers, tarantulas, monkeys. He sees a dog in a crate in the corner.

He asks the shop owner, "why is there a regular dog in an exotic pet shop?"

The owner replies, "it's actual...

I have a karate addiction

But I'm about to kick it

Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion yesterday in less than 5 moves.

Finally my high school karate classes came in useful.

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Asian guy walks into a bar

He sits down at the the bar and start drinking a beer. The guy next to him ask: you know kung fu or karate or any or this shit? The asian guy replies: why you ask this, is because I chinese? The other guy replies no it’s because you’re drinking my fucking beer.

I asked a Black Belt if he liked karate

He said hi-Yah!

*My gf woke me up to tell me she came up with a joke and I'd figure I'd see the reception, thank you for your time*

What did the karate master ask for when he was thirsty?

Waaataaaaaaaa!

What do you call an amputee trying to do karate?

Partial Arts.

Edit: It's been pointed out that the grammatical construction of this joke could have been better. How about: "What is it called when an amputee does karate? Partial Arts.

Edit edit: best follow up question: What's an amputee's favourite karate weapon? Nub chucks.

How do you say hello to someone who knows karate?

Hiya!

An old, blind Marine wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
'Before you tell that ...

A huge guy walks into a bar, approaches a little guy and karate chops him in the back. When the little guy gets up, the huge guy says, "That was a karate chop from Korea."

"A little later, the huge guy walks back over to the little guy and karate chops him in the back. The huge guy says, "That was a karate chop from China."

The little guy leaves the bar, comes back and hits the huge guy on the back. The huge guy lies unconscious on the floor. The little guy te...

Karate Dog

There once was a young couple who lived in a town filled with crime. After three neighbors' houses had been robbed, the couple decided to get a guard dog.
So one day the wife went to the pet store and said, “I need a good guard dog.”

And the clerk replied, “Sorry, we're all sold out. All...

What was the name of the movie about a baby goat that learns karate?

The Karate Kid

A young couple's house gets burgled, so they decide to get a guard dog...

The wife goes to a pet shop and tells the owner "I'd like to see the toughest guard dog you've got!"

The owner answers "I've got just the dog for you!". He presents to her to a tiny chihuahua called Roxy.

"Sure he's cute, but can he really guard a home?" she asks skeptically.

"L...

What do you call a ginger kid who’s good at karate?

The Carroty Kid.

My brother is a Karate expert, a Chef and a Lawyer.

When he's not around, Dad now calls him "Chop Suey."

I was sitting at a bar last night

And this Asian looking fella sits down next to me and takes a sip of beer.

I glance over at him and ask if he knows any of those martial arts like Kung fu, or Karate or Ju Jitsu. He says no, WTF man!? Are you asking because I’m Chinese?

I said no, it’s because you’re drinking my beer.

I decided to teach karate to my neighbors kid

He was enthusiastic for the first two days but then quit before he could finish painting the fences

It's not that I love karate

I just hate boards

What do you call a tree that does karate

Spruce Lee

I saw my old karate coach in his car yesterday

He drove a KIIIIAAA.

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Did you hear the one about the giraffe who learned Karate?

He looked like a fucking idiot.

How does a computer learn karate?

With a punch card

Why did the straw learn karate?

There were too many tired people hitting the hay

Russian karate kid be like:

Smirn on, Smirn off. Smirn on, Smirn off...

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I know Karate...

...And like two other Japanese words.

Why did the karate kid sue Mr Miyagi?

For watching him while he wax off.

A karate professional is shooting a movie scene

He fails the first take, to which the director remarks, "Aren't you a professional? "

"Yeah, but this is take one though. "

I completed my karate exam with flying colors!

Black and blue that is.

Did you hear about the karate champion who joined the army?

It was pretty bad. The first time he saluted, he almost killed himself!

Whats the american version of a karate chop?

A Connecti Cut!

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Karate

is the ancient Japanese art of getting people to buy lots of belts.

A karate dojo and its owner had to change their names.

The parents of the dojo's students were very concerned upon hearing how their children acquired their skills, when they told them "From Master Bei Ting!"

I asked my karate instructor if I'd ever be able to do a dragon punch.

He said, "Suuuureyoucan!"

What does a karate master keep in his pants?

Gi’s nuts.

What do you call someone who threatens legal action against a karate dojo?

Chop suey

A Karate master teaches his students how to break a piece of wood

He points his finger to the center of the board and tells his students, "This is the punch line"

Someone was handing out certificates for a free Karate Lesson at the mall yesterday

He told me I could only Taek Won Do

What do you call handicapped kids doing karate?

partial-arts

I know karate, kung fu, judo, juijitsu, taekwondo...

and a whole bunch of other words that describe skills I don't have.

Danny kicked his way to the karate tournament title without throwing a single punch

Turns out he's a master of partial arts

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What kind of karate do Rabbis know?

Jew Jitsu.

A karate instructor was arrested after leaving the store

He was charged with chop lifting

Netflix announced another karate kid spinoff, this time the dojo trains insufferable whiney entitled children.

It's called Cobra Caillou.

My career as a karate instructor finally came to an end.

The parents found out I wasn't qualified and just enjoyed kicking children.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I beat a chess grandmaster in only three moves

Turns out he's pretty shit at karate.

awkward situation growing up

when he was 15 years old, his friend gave him condoms, just as a prank but he put the condoms aside, because he was only 15.

him and his friends were learning karate from a friend Mike, Mike was a black belt in Karate the rest of them learning from him were beginner yellow belts.

his ...

My wife says it's time I stop pretending to be The Karate Kid.

I had to put my foot down.

What do you get when you cross Michael Jackson with the Karate Kid?

Jacks on Jacks off

Why did the karate student wear brown shoes to the dojo?

He didn't have a black belt

What do you get when you mix a pig and a karate master?

A porkchop.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On the sixth day

**ON THE SIXTH DAY... **

**God Creating Spiders**

God: Make it have 8 legs

Angel: Seems excessive but OK

God: And 8 eyes

Angel: You need to calm down a li-

God: Give it a bum rope

**God Creating Kittens**

God: make them fluffy & adorable li...

What do you call karate kid with high-end guitar amp?

Marshall artist

A student at the karate convention asks a teacher where to stay.

They respond " At the Hyaaaatt ! "

What do you call a lawyer with a black belt in karate?

A self defense attorney!

What's the difference between Karate and Judo?

Karate is a martial art and Judo is used to make bagels.

I used to think my Karate instructor was very wise.

However, yesterday my pregnant neighbour Mrs. Wong and her husband rushed to hospital.

When they came back today they had the baby with them so I figured I'd go say hi.

Strangest thing! The baby is Caucasian!

I couldn't believe my eyes, this whole time my instructor had been lyi...

When vegans get into an argument is it still called beef?

I have no idea. But if it gets physical, all vegans know the art of foot karate.

They call it tofu.

Why do indie kids suck at karate?

They never got past the white belt.

A guy visited his friend with a broken foot in the hospital

He asked him what happened and the guy recounts his story.

He said that he was in the pet shop when he saw a parrot he liked. He asked the owner about it and the owner said that the parrot could do karate.

The way this worked was when one said "Parrot karate [object]", the parrot wou...

My blackbelt karate teacher has honed his skill of painting high ranking military officials for years

Now he is a master of marshal arts.

I've always been terrible at Karate, so my Sensei told me "Wax on, Wax off."

I'm now in burning pain, but my chest is *spotless.*

What does this have to do with Karate?

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