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How do you say hello to someone who knows karate?

Hiya!

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I once dreamt that I was masturbating to pictures of my karate teachers.

Then I came to my senseis.

An old, blind Marine wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
'Before you tell that ...

I just beat a black belt at karate...

My next challenge is a green sock .

I decided to teach karate to my neighbors kid for his self-defense

He was enthusiastic for the first two days but then quit before he could finish painting the fence.

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I was standing at the bar in an International Airport when this small Chinese guy comes in, stands next to me, and starts drinking a beer I asked him, "Do you know any of those martial arts things, like Kung-Fu, Karate, or Ju-Jitsu?"

He says "No, why the fuck would you ask me that? Is it because I am Chinese?"

"No", I said, "It's because you're drinking my beer, you little fucker."

What do you call a 1 armed man who does karate?

a Partial artist

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Karate Dog

A man walks into an exotic pet shop and is surrounded by animals he would not consider as normal pets: foxes, tigers, tarantulas, monkeys. He sees a dog in a crate in the corner.

He asks the shop owner, "why is there a regular dog in an exotic pet shop?"

The owner replies, "it's actual...

I was thinking of a karate joke…

But it doesn’t have a good punchline

I once met a chimp who knew how to do karate

He thought all the other chimps were chimp pansies

What did the karate master ask for when he was thirsty?

Waaataaaaaaaa!

I asked a Black Belt if he liked karate

He said hi-Yah!

*My gf woke me up to tell me she came up with a joke and I'd figure I'd see the reception, thank you for your time*

What was the name of the movie about a baby goat that learns karate?

The Karate Kid

My neighbor's son was constantly being beaten at school, so she put him on Karate Classes

Now he is beaten both at Karate and at school

A huge guy walks into a bar, approaches a little guy and karate chops him in the back. When the little guy gets up, the huge guy says, "That was a karate chop from Korea."

"A little later, the huge guy walks back over to the little guy and karate chops him in the back. The huge guy says, "That was a karate chop from China."

The little guy leaves the bar, comes back and hits the huge guy on the back. The huge guy lies unconscious on the floor. The little guy te...

A guy visited his friend with a broken foot in the hospital

He asked him what happened and the guy recounts his story.

He said that he was in the pet shop when he saw a parrot he liked. He asked the owner about it and the owner said that the parrot could do karate.

The way this worked was when one said "Parrot karate [object]", the parrot wou...

You should never have a fight with me

I know karate, taekwondo, kung fu and many other asiatic words

I have a karate addiction

But I'm about to kick it

Hammer

This little guy is sitting in a bar, drinking and minding his own business.When all of a sudden a great big guy comes in and bang! knocks him clean off the barstool and onto the floor.The big guy says, “That was a karate chop from Korea.” The little guy gets up, brushes himself off and leaves the pr...

My brother is a Karate expert, a Chef and a Lawyer.

When he's not around, Dad now calls him "Chop Suey."

I saw my old karate coach in his car yesterday

He drove a KIIIIAAA.

What do you call a pig that knows karate?

A pork chop

Why did the straw learn karate?

There were too many tired people hitting the hay

What do you call a ginger kid who’s good at karate?

The Carroty Kid.

What does a karate master keep in his pants?

Gi’s nuts.

Danny kicked his way to the karate tournament title without throwing a single punch

Turns out he's a master of partial arts

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The Japanese Banking Sector is crashing!

Employees at the Karate Bank are for the chop.

The Bonsai Bank has had to cut some branches.

The Karaoke Bank is going for a song.

The Sumo Bank had to trim the fat.

Employees at the Sushi Bank are getting a raw deal.

Prices at the Samurai Bank have been slashed....

I defeated our local chess champion in less than three moves ...

Finally, my high school karate lessons paid off.

awkward situation growing up

when he was 15 years old, his friend gave him condoms, just as a prank but he put the condoms aside, because he was only 15.

him and his friends were learning karate from a friend Mike, Mike was a black belt in Karate the rest of them learning from him were beginner yellow belts.

his ...

Karate Dog

There once was a young couple who lived in a town filled with crime. After three neighbors' houses had been robbed, the couple decided to get a guard dog.
So one day the wife went to the pet store and said, “I need a good guard dog.”

And the clerk replied, “Sorry, we're all sold out. All...

Started teaching my son and his friends Karate...

I'm not qualified I just really enjoy kicking children.

How does a computer learn karate?

With a punch card

Whats the american version of a karate chop?

A Connecti Cut!

Netflix announced another karate kid spinoff, this time the dojo trains insufferable whiney entitled children.

It's called Cobra Caillou.

Russian karate kid be like:

Smirn on, Smirn off. Smirn on, Smirn off...

Why did the karate master rob the shoe store?

Just for kicks

Did you hear about the karate champion who joined the army?

It was pretty bad. The first time he saluted, he almost killed himself!

Why did the karate kid sue Mr Miyagi?

For watching him while he wax off.

I asked my karate instructor if I'd ever be able to do a dragon punch.

He said, "Suuuureyoucan!"

What do you call an amputee trying to do karate?

Partial Arts.

Edit: It's been pointed out that the grammatical construction of this joke could have been better. How about: "What is it called when an amputee does karate? Partial Arts.

Edit edit: best follow up question: What's an amputee's favourite karate weapon? Nub chucks.

What do you call a tree that does karate

Spruce Lee

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An Asian guy walks into a bar

He sits down at the the bar and start drinking a beer. The guy next to him asks: you know kung fu, karate or any of that shit? The Asian guy replies: why do you ask this, is it because I am Chinese? The other guy replies no it’s because you’re drinking my fucking beer.

A karate professional is shooting a movie scene

He fails the first take, to which the director remarks, "Aren't you a professional? "

"Yeah, but this is take one though. "

I was really upset that I came in last at the karate competition yesterday.

I was kicking myself.

It's not that I love karate

I just hate boards

A Karate master teaches his students how to break a piece of wood

He points his finger to the center of the board and tells his students, "This is the punch line"

Why did the karate student wear brown shoes to the dojo?

He didn't have a black belt

My blackbelt karate teacher has honed his skill of painting high ranking military officials for years

Now he is a master of marshal arts.

What do you get when you mix a pig and a karate master?

A porkchop.

What do you call a lawyer with a black belt in karate?

A self defense attorney!

Someone was handing out certificates for a free Karate Lesson at the mall yesterday

He told me I could only Taek Won Do

My wife says it's time I stop pretending to be The Karate Kid.

I had to put my foot down.

What do you call handicapped kids doing karate?

partial-arts

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Did you hear the one about the giraffe who learned Karate?

He looked like a fucking idiot.

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On the sixth day

**ON THE SIXTH DAY... **

**God Creating Spiders**

God: Make it have 8 legs

Angel: Seems excessive but OK

God: And 8 eyes

Angel: You need to calm down a li-

God: Give it a bum rope

**God Creating Kittens**

God: make them fluffy & adorable li...

A karate instructor was arrested after leaving the store

He was charged with chop lifting

So a young man comes to his first ever Karate lesson

He steps through the doors of the dojo and sees three groups being taught moves by an instructor

He is directed to the first line where one of the Sensei's is teaching them how to block a hit

The man quickly learns the move and advances to the second group, proud of his achievement
...

A blind man gets into a blondes only bar

He approaches the bar, asks for a beer, and tells her:

- Do you want to hear a very funny joke on blondes?

- Ohh man, you got into the wrong place with this joke! I am 200 pounds blonde barwoman, at your right there is a blonde bodybuilder, at the right there is a blond black belt on k...

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Japanese banks

The recent tsunami in Japan has badly affected the banking sector.

Origami bank has folded.

Sumo bank has gone belly up.

Bonsai bank has cut back some of its branches.

Karaoke bank has been put up for sale and is going for a song.

Analysts report that there is some...

Have you seen the new karate opera?

Critics are calling it sensei-tional.

What do you get when you cross Michael Jackson with the Karate Kid?

Jacks on Jacks off

A student at the karate convention asks a teacher where to stay.

They respond " At the Hyaaaatt ! "

What do you call karate kid with high-end guitar amp?

Marshall artist

My career as a karate instructor finally came to an end.

The parents found out I wasn't qualified and just enjoyed kicking children.

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Karate

is the ancient Japanese art of getting people to buy lots of belts.

I used to think my Karate instructor was very wise.

However, yesterday my pregnant neighbour Mrs. Wong and her husband rushed to hospital.

When they came back today they had the baby with them so I figured I'd go say hi.

Strangest thing! The baby is Caucasian!

I couldn't believe my eyes, this whole time my instructor had been lyi...

Why do indie kids suck at karate?

They never got past the white belt.

I hear that if you draw a really good portrait of Jason Segel you will instantly be proficient in Karate, Taekwondo, and Jiu Jitsu

I think it has something to do with becoming a master Marshall artist

What's the difference between karate and judo?

Karate is a method of self defense and judo is what bagels are made of.

I've always been terrible at Karate, so my Sensei told me "Wax on, Wax off."

I'm now in burning pain, but my chest is *spotless.*

What does this have to do with Karate?

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I beat a chess grandmaster in only three moves

Turns out he's pretty shit at karate.

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