I asked a Black Belt if he liked karate

He said hi-Yah!

*My gf woke me up to tell me she came up with a joke and I'd figure I'd see the reception, thank you for your time*

I decided to teach karate to my neighbors kid for his self-defense

He was enthusiastic for the first two days but then quit before he could finish painting the fence.

A huge guy walks into a bar, approaches a little guy and karate chops him in the back. When the little guy gets up, the huge guy says, "That was a karate chop from Korea."

"A little later, the huge guy walks back over to the little guy and karate chops him in the back. The huge guy says, "That was a karate chop from China."

The little guy leaves the bar, comes back and hits the huge guy on the back. The huge guy lies unconscious on the floor. The little guy te...

What do you call an amputee learning karate?

Partial arts

What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop!

I have a karate addiction

But I'm about to kick it

"An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake...

"An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake...

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent....

My brother is a Karate expert, a Chef and a Lawyer.

When he's not around, Dad now calls him "Chop Suey."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On the sixth day

**ON THE SIXTH DAY... **

**God Creating Spiders**

God: Make it have 8 legs

Angel: Seems excessive but OK

God: And 8 eyes

Angel: You need to calm down a li-

God: Give it a bum rope

**God Creating Kittens**

God: make them fluffy & adorable li...

Why did the straw learn karate?

There were too many tired people hitting the hay

I beat a black belt at karate.

My next challenger is a green sock.

What was the name of the movie about a baby goat that learns karate?

The Karate Kid

Russian karate kid be like:

Smirn on, Smirn off. Smirn on, Smirn off...

I saw my old karate coach in his car yesterday

He drove a KIIIIAAA.

My neighbor's son was constantly being beaten at school, so she put him on Karate Classes

Now he is beaten both at Karate and at school

Whats the american version of a karate chop?

A Connecti Cut!

How does a computer learn karate?

With a punch card

Danny kicked his way to the karate tournament title without throwing a single punch

Turns out he's a master of partial arts

Netflix announced another karate kid spinoff, this time the dojo trains insufferable whiney entitled children.

It's called Cobra Caillou.

What do you call a ginger kid who’s good at karate?

The Carroty Kid.

Did you hear about the karate champion who joined the army?

It was pretty bad. The first time he saluted, he almost killed himself!

I asked my karate instructor if I'd ever be able to do a dragon punch.

He said, "Suuuureyoucan!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Karma

Back in the mid-1960s, in an English country pub, a man is sat quietly enjoying a pint of Timothy Taylor Landlord (an excellent English ale). All of a sudden, a bunch of noisy yobs come into the pub and order lager. The mouthiest of the bunch walks across to the man and says, "Oi! You're sitting in ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I beat a chess grandmaster in only three moves

Turns out he's pretty shit at karate.

Karate Dog

There once was a young couple who lived in a town filled with crime. After three neighbors' houses had been robbed, the couple decided to get a guard dog.
So one day the wife went to the pet store and said, “I need a good guard dog.”

And the clerk replied, “Sorry, we're all sold out. All...

It's not that I love karate

I just hate boards

Why did the karate kid sue Mr Miyagi?

For watching him while he wax off.

Started teaching my son and his friends Karate...

I'm not qualified I just really enjoy kicking children.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Asian guy walks into a bar

He sits down at the the bar and start drinking a beer. The guy next to him ask: you know kung fu or karate or any or this shit? The asian guy replies: why you ask this, is because I chinese? The other guy replies no it’s because you’re drinking my fucking beer.

What do you call an amputee trying to do karate?

Partial Arts.

Edit: It's been pointed out that the grammatical construction of this joke could have been better. How about: "What is it called when an amputee does karate? Partial Arts.

Edit edit: best follow up question: What's an amputee's favourite karate weapon? Nub chucks.

Why did the karate student wear brown shoes to the dojo?

He didn't have a black belt

Why did the karate master rob the shoe store?

Just for kicks

A karate professional is shooting a movie scene

He fails the first take, to which the director remarks, "Aren't you a professional? "

"Yeah, but this is take one though. "

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In two weeks I Masters Ninjitsu, Karate, Judo...

And two other Japanese words.

Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion yesterday in less than 5 moves.

Finally my high school karate classes came in useful.

What do you call a tree that does karate

Spruce Lee

A Karate master teaches his students how to break a piece of wood

He points his finger to the center of the board and tells his students, "This is the punch line"

I was really upset that I came in last at the karate competition yesterday.

I was kicking myself.

My blackbelt karate teacher has honed his skill of painting high ranking military officials for years

Now he is a master of marshal arts.

What do you get when you mix a pig and a karate master?

A porkchop.

A very drunk guy starts beating up a nun on the street

He throws kicks, uppercuts, regular punches, even some drunk karate moves.



Once he is exhausted he steps back and says "You disappoint me, Batman"

What do you call a lawyer with a black belt in karate?

A self defense attorney!

Someone was handing out certificates for a free Karate Lesson at the mall yesterday

He told me I could only Taek Won Do

My wife says it's time I stop pretending to be The Karate Kid.

I had to put my foot down.

A karate instructor was arrested after leaving the store

He was charged with chop lifting

So a young man comes to his first ever Karate lesson

He steps through the doors of the dojo and sees three groups being taught moves by an instructor

He is directed to the first line where one of the Sensei's is teaching them how to block a hit

The man quickly learns the move and advances to the second group, proud of his achievement
...

I was sat at the bar in a pub in Dublin..

..when a Chinese man comes in, sits next to me and starts drinking. I asked him " do you know any of those martial arts like karate or kung fu?"
He says "NO - why the he'll you ask me that! Is it because I am Chinese!!?"
I said "No , it's because your drinking my Guiness"

Have you seen the new karate opera?

Critics are calling it sensei-tional.

What do you call handicapped kids doing karate?

partial-arts

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear the one about the giraffe who learned Karate?

He looked like a fucking idiot.

I know karate, kung fu, judo, juijitsu, taekwondo...

and a whole bunch of other words that describe skills I don't have.

A student at the karate convention asks a teacher where to stay.

They respond " At the Hyaaaatt ! "

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Karate

is the ancient Japanese art of getting people to buy lots of belts.

My career as a karate instructor finally came to an end.

The parents found out I wasn't qualified and just enjoyed kicking children.

I hear that if you draw a really good portrait of Jason Segel you will instantly be proficient in Karate, Taekwondo, and Jiu Jitsu

I think it has something to do with becoming a master Marshall artist

Two men got into a fight at the bar...

As one throws a punch, the other asks “Do you know karate?” the other man responds “No”. “You don’t strike me as someone who would”

There was a man who became the karate champion on Christmas Day...

So he decided to go by the name, "The Nutcracker."

I've always been terrible at Karate, so my Sensei told me "Wax on, Wax off."

I'm now in burning pain, but my chest is *spotless.*

What does this have to do with Karate?

What do you get when you cross Michael Jackson with the Karate Kid?

Jacks on Jacks off

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Financial collapse in Japan

Origami Bank has folded.


Sumo Bank has gone belly up.


Bonsai Bank has had to cut back some of its branches.


Karaoke Bank has been put up for sale and is going for a song.


There's something fishy going on at Sushi Bank...shareholders are afraid they...

Blind/blonde joke

A blind guy walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink. After a while, he asks the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bartender replies, "Sure, but before you start you should know, I'm blonde. The woman on your left is a blonde, and the man on your right has a black belt in karate and ...

1. What do you call a fight between celebrity actors? ( more)

1. **What do you call a fight between celebrity actors?**

**Star Wars!**



**2. What do you call a man with two pieces of wood on his head?**

**Edward Woodwood!**



3. **What do you call a pig that knows karate?**
**Pork chop!**


4....

Why do indie kids suck at karate?

They never got past the white belt.

What's the difference between karate and judo?

Karate is a method of self defense and judo is what bagels are made of.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Only Australians and/or New Zealanders will get this joke

A large man walks into a bar and looks for a place to sit. Every stool and table is taken but at the end of the bar is a little man drinking a beer by himself. So, the big man walks up behind him and slaps him across the back of head and he falls to the floor.

The little man gets up rubbing h...

My alarm system kept breaking down

The alarm system kept breaking down so, instead of repairing it I decided to get a guard dog instead.

I went to the pet store and the shopkeeper showed me a lot of breeds to choose from. A Rottweiler, a German Shepherd, A Doberman, but there was this one tiny little pug that caught my eye. I...

I was sitting at a bar last night and this Asian looking fella sits down next to me and takes a sip of beer.

I glance over at him and ask if he knows any of those martial arts like Kung fu, or Karate or Ju Jitsu. He says no, WTF man!? Are you asking because I’m Chinese?

I said no, it’s because you’re drinking my beer.

A man walks into a pet shop and sees a dog for $10,000

"Why does the dog cost that much?", asked the man. The owner replies, "This dog can do karate. Here, watch."

The owner then walks to a table and speaks to the dog, "Karate this table". The dog lifts a paw and in one swift movement cuts the table into two.

As the man looks on in shock, ...

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