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I told my buddy that Jewish people call god by a different name

He was like, "No way!"

I was like, "Yahweh"

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A king declares that all Jewish people must leave the kingdom, unless one can beat his priest in a contest.

The rules are simple: without saying a single word, the contestants must argue their faith until one concedes. Among the Jewish citizens, only one old man steps forward to compete.

The priest and the old man take the stage before a crowd, and the contest begins.

The priest raises his ...

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A clearly inebriated woman, stark naked, jumped into a taxi in New York and laid down on the back seat.

The cab driver, an old Jewish gentleman, opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman.

He made no attempt to start the cab.

The woman glared back at him and said, “What’s wrong with you, honey? Haven’t you ever seen a naked woman before?”

The old Jewish driver answered, “Let me ...

What would you call it if Mel Gibson apologizes to the Jewish people?

Melatonin

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Why do Jewish people watch porn backwards?

They like the part where the prostitute pays them

Why do some Jewish people believe in Santa Claus?

because he isreal

1948; "Did you hear,the Jewish people finally got their own country? Is this real?" "Yes,it is real!"

My best original joke, taa daaa. !!!

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Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal.

Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He'd have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if t...

What is the difference between Jamaicans and Jewish people?

Their reaction when someone asks if they want to get baked.

How do Jewish people defend themself

Jewdo

Who led the Jewish people across a semi permeable membrane?

Os-Moses.

What do Jewish people wear in the pool?

Synagoggles.

Even the Jewish people didn't believe they had an independent state.

So they called it IS REAL?

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20 black people, 13 Jewish people, 18 Chinese people, 10 Russians and 26 white people are in a bar...

It's crowded.

Why do Jewish people have big noses?

Air is free.

Why do jewish people love breaking their fast with sweet potatoes?

So that they can properly celebrate Yam kippur.

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Jesus fed 5,000 Jewish people

With bread and fish, and he's adored for it.

I don't get it,

Hitler made 6 million Jewish people toast and he's hated for it

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Why don't Jewish people eat pussy?

Because it's too close to the gas chamber.

(NSFW) What's the difference between Harry potter and jewish people?

Harry could escape the chambers

Why can't you insult Jewish people?

Because they've already been roasted.

why dont jewish people like getting made fun of?

Because millions of them already got roasted

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Why do Jewish people have circumcised penises?

Because they're 20% off

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What do rioting jewish people throw?

Mazel tov cocktails

What type of AIDS virus only Jewish people can get?

H Oy Vey

I hate talking with Jewish people

It really takes me out of Mein Kampfort zone!

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A man walks into a bar... (No offense jewish people)

and sees another man sitting down having a drink that looks exactly like Adolf Hitler. The man goes and sits down at the bar next to the fellow that looks like Hitler and asks, "Are you Hitler?"
The man replies, "Yes! I am Adolf Hitler! I am the man that killed six million jews and one canadian."...

Which US National park is most welcoming to Arabic and the Jewish people?

Yosemite.

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Why do Jewish people hate all the letters in the alphabet except the last one?

Because they're all Nazis (not Z's).

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What do you call a family of jewish people who grow apples

Apple Jews

Judaism is said to be successful because our religion has a lot of wisdom. Yes, the Jewish people always ask very wise questions...

Such as "Wise this jacket so damn expensive?! Dontcha have a discount for me??"

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A Jewish guy and a Chinese guy are sitting on a bus

The Jewish guy turns to the Chinese guy and says "man I really hate Chinese people." The Chinese guy goes "why?" And the Jewish guy goes "because you guys bombed Pearl Harbor!" The Chinese guy says "that wasn't us that was the Japanese!" The Jewish guy replies "Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese you're a...

There are three truths in religion:

1) Jewish people do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.


2) Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.


3) Baptists don't recognize each other in the liquor store.

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A Jewish man and a Vietnamese man waiting in the doctor's office.

A Vietnamese man and a Jewish man are waiting in the Doctor’s office for an appointment and as the time goes on they become more and more irritated until finally the Jewish man says, “I hate you Vietnamese people!”.

Shocked, the Vietnamese man says, “What in the world would compel you to say ...

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Indian Jews

Two Jewish men, Sid and Al, were sitting in an Indian restaurant in New York. Sid asked Al, 'Are there any Jewish people of our faith born and raised in India?'

Al replied, 'I don't know, let's just ask our waiter.'

When the waiter came by, Al asked him, 'Are there any Indian Jews?'...

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Woody Allen's Moose hunting joke

I shot a moose once. I was hunting upstate New York, and I shot a moose. And I strapped him onto the fender of my car. And I'm driving home along the West Side Highway, but what I didn't realize was that the bullet did not penetrate the moose. It just creased the scalp knocking him unconscious. And ...

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An old Jew is sitting on a park bench

reading Louis Farrakhan's newspaper. His friend Harry walks by, stops, and says, "Irv, what are you doing reading that paper? You should be reading The Jewish Journal.'"

Irv says, "'The Jewish Journal' has stories about anti-Semitism, problems in Israel...all kinds trouble for Jewish people....

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As a man of Jewish descent

As a man of Jewish descent I don't like jokes about us Jews.
I think they often cement prejudices and misinterpretations of the Jewish people and culture.
But every now and then even I enjoy a good laugh and feel that I shouldn't be so serious about everything.

So I have a very good ...

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One day the pope decided to throw all the Jews out of Rome...

He made an announcement to the Jewish community: "Send me your smartest scholar to convince me why I should let the Jewish people stay and I may reconsider my stance." The Roman Jewish community sent Rabbi Moshe, a 78 year old Hebrew school teacher and, according to everyone but himself, the smartes...

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World War 2

Man: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
Priest: "What have you done?"
Man: I harbored Jewish people in my basement to keep them safe from the Germans."
Priest: "That's not a sin. That's a good deed."
Man: "But I have been charging them one dollar a night until the war is over."
Pr...

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A Black, a Jew, a Mexican, and a Bigot are sitting on a park bench.

The black guy notices an old oil lamp under the bench and rubs the dirt and dust off of it when POOF! A genie comes out of it. The genie says "thank you so much, I have been in that lamp for 2000 years, I am so grateful that I will grant you each one wish." The black guy says "I wish that all black ...

Man dies and goes to heaven, filled with rooms he hears a party behind each door is happening.

St. Peter (or whoever the afterlife tour guide is) took him to the first door and opened it. The room was full of Muslims welcoming the man to come in and join them.

Passing they moved on to the next door to find a room full of Jewish people celebrating the afterlife.

Next a room of Bu...

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During the Dark Ages, the Pope decrees that he is going to expel all of the Jews out of Europe...

...naturally, the Jews aren't very happy with this. Jewish people all over Europe start protesting in the streets, demanding that the Pope change his mind and let the Jewish people stay. Since the protests and riots are starting to get a bit chaotic and violent, the Pope creates a proposition. He wi...

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Girl on the bus

I was on the bus the other day, and I sat next to a girl who was reading a book called "sex and statistics" and I just had to ask her about it.

She said: "it's fascinating, really. Native Americans have the thickest cocks. Polish people have the longest, and Jewish people cum the fastest, for...

A rabbi walked into a bar..

Rabbi Epstein was a particularly tenacious clergyman and couldn't stand seeing Jewish people getting drunk. So one day he went into a particular tavern frequented by Jewish patrons.

Rabbi Epstein walks into the pub and sees Stan from shul. "Stan, do you want to go to heaven?" The man said, "I...

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