An old Jewish joke. Original is in Yiddish.

A Rabbi and a Priest are sitting on a bench in front of church. They have bowls in front of them to collect money and as the parishioners exit the church they leave some change and bills for the Priest and give the Rabbi dirty looks.

After some time one of the parishioners takes pity on the ...

A Yiddish speaking newcomer to America took his pregnant wife to the hospital, but during the delivery, when he found out they were twins, he fainted.

He didn't regain consciousness for a few days so his brother was brought in to help name the children.

"My brother named my kids?!" he exclaimed when he woke up. "But my brother is illiterate! And he can't even speak any English. Okay, so what did he name the girl !?"

"He named her Den...

Did you hear about the new Yiddish search engine?

Koogle

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A clearly inebriated woman, stark naked, jumped into a taxi in New York and laid down on the back seat.

The cab driver, an old Jewish gentleman, opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman.

He made no attempt to start the cab.

The woman glared back at him and said, “What’s wrong with you, honey? Haven’t you ever seen a naked woman before?”

The old Jewish driver answered, “Let me ...

A woman living on a shtetl in Poland goes to see her rabbi

"Rabbi!" she says. "My son Avram has a very strange fear - he is afraid of kreplach!"

The rabbi says, "Kreplach? He's afraid of the meat dumplings we make for Rosh Hashanah?"

She nods. "Yes. I've tried to tell him there's nothing to be afraid of, but whenever he sees kreplach he runs o...

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The Great Debate

Several centuries ago the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy.There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community so the Pope offered a deal.

He would hold a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community. If the Jews won, they could stay in Ita...

Translation of an old Yiddish Joke...

One day in Czarist Russia, a poor old man and his very young daughter were on their way to town. They put all of their possessions in the back of a donkey driven wagon in hopes of selling some of them to make money. As they were traveling, up the road they saw a small group of Cossaks. They braced t...

The definition of chutzpah:

Is the man who killed his parents who asks for mercy from the court.
The judge asks “On what grounds should we grant you mercy?”
Man “On the account of I’m an orphan!”

This is a very old one.
#yiddish is fun

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For years I’ve been looking for barley legal Jewish porn..

Turns out the proper term is, Yiddish and skittish.

Whats the difference between a chihuahua and a Jewish kid playing Hopscotch?

One is yippy and skiddish, the other is skippy and Yiddish!

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How do you say "Fuck You" in Yiddish?

Trust me!

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An old Jewish lady is sitting in a restaurant sipping tea.

When 3 nuns walk in and sit at the table next to her. They start talking about where they want to go on vacation.

The second nun says to Mother Superior "Let's go to Jerusalem?"

Mother Superior says "No, too many jews there."

The third nun says to Mother Superior "Let's go to N...

I recently found out that "shlong" was Yiddish.

It made me wonder what other Kosher things my dad gave me as a child.

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The once was a Mob Boss

There once was a Mob Boss who employed a Jewish accountant who only spoke Yiddish. Despite the language barrier, the Mobster was satisfied with the guys work. That is until one year he decided to check the books and found he was short 2 million dollars.

So the mob boss sent out two goons to b...

Two Jewish guys go to a Kosher Chinese restaurant.

Their Chinese waiter greeted them in Yiddish, took their order in Yiddish, made small talk with them in Yiddish, gave their order in Yiddish, and took their bill in Yiddish.

On their way out, the two guys tell the restaurant owner what a pleasant surprise it was for them be able to talk with ...

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A rabbi and the Pope have a religious debate

Several of the Pope's officials are concerend about the growing Jewish population in Rome, so the encourage the Holy Father to set up a religious debate with the head Rabbi. If the Rabbi loses, he must leave Rome. If he wins, they can stay.

However, the Rabbi doesn't speak Italian or Latin an...

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Alternate meanings

From The Washington Post

1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.


2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.


3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.


4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanati...

Something's Not Kosher Here

Back in the cowboy days, a westbound wagon train was lost and low on food. No other humans had been seen for days. And then they saw an old Rabbi sitting beneath a tree.

The leader rushed to him and said, "We're lost and running out of food. Is there someplace ahead where we can get food?"...

What Is Chutzpah?

Chutzpah is a Yiddish word meaning gall, brazen nerve, effrontery, sheer guts plus arrogance; it's Yiddish and no other word, and no other language, can do it justice.

A little old lady sold pretzels on a street corner for a dollar each. Every day a young man would leave his office building a...

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