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Jazz Musician Jokes

What do you call an English jazz musician?

An Anglo-Saxophonist

Why can’t jazz musicians be trusted?

Because they always play sus chords.

A self-absorbed jazz musician is sitting at a bar after a playing intense music all night.

A beautiful woman shyly walks over to him and says “Excuse me, I hate to bother you. Your music is phenomenal. It moves me in so many ways.

Artistically, it opens my appreciation of beauty and skill.

Intellectually, your music helps me to understand and think and reason.

As a wo...

My friend wants to be a famous jazz musician on his brass instrument but he never practices.

I told him his stage name could be “Rusty Trombone.”

Guys I really want to break up with my Jazz musician girlfriend but I can't

The Sax is too good

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many jazz musicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Fuck the changes; let's just play!

What’s the difference between a pop musician and a jazz musician?

A pop musician plays 4 chords to thousands of people, and a jazz musician plays thousands of chords to 4 people.

What does a rock artist say to a jazz musician?

To the airport please

My jazz musician friend would always hit people who played the wrong note

Well, sax to be you.

A rock musician, a classical musician and a jazz musician are sitting together, drinking...

Rock musician talks about his recent band tour,
- "and after all taxes were paid and such, I was able to afford a nice little yacht from the remaining money."
The classical musician smiles and says,
- "Well, kinda nice. My orchestra sold so many records though, I was even able to afford ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why aren't jazz musicians missing their girlfriends during quarantine?

They're already used to the sex on phone

BREAKING: American Jazz musician sentenced to 12 months in prison, legally changes name

Felonious Monk will be eligible for parole in 6 months

How does a jazz musician get a million dollars?

By starting with two million dollars.

A forlorn jazz musician, lost relatives.

Two jazz musicians meet passing on the street one day. But one looks forlorn, and almost on the verge of tears. His friend asks, "What has the world done to you, my old friend?"
The sad fellow says, "Let me tell you. Three weeks ago, an uncle died and left me forty thousand dollars."
"That's n...

The world's greatest blues musician and the world's greatest jazz musician are having dinner together. Who pays the tip?

Nobody. They don't charge at the soup kitchen.

Why do jazz musicians drink gin straight?

Because they can never find the tonic.

Don’t upset jazz musicians

They might snap

A coach full of jazz musicians has broken down on the motorway, blocking all lanes.

Police say to expect some long jams.

What do jazz musicians and sneakers have in common?

They put their soul on the track.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do jazz musicians prefer to drive crappy old cars?

Because they're always making a new sound.

A conductor is getting an orchestra together for a performance but having trouble finding a clarinet player.

Finally, he calls a contractor who tells him "Well, the only guy I've got available at this moment is this jazz clarinetist.”

The conductor replies "I can't stand working with jazz musicians! They dress lousy, they're always late, and they all have an attitude problem.”

“Well" replie...

Kids jokes

Q: What did the ocean say to the airplane?

A: Nothing, it just waved.



Q: Do old planes retire?

A: No, they just get more turbulent.



Q: Why did the young plane study so hard?

A: He really wanted a higher education!



Q: Did you hear the ...

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