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Jacked Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy gets to prison, meets his new cell mate, this jacked motherfucker, British sitting at the edge of the bed.

Cell mate: (British Accent) Listen mate it’s going to happen, so let’s get this over and done with, would you like to do it with spit or without?

Guy: (Scared) What do you mean?

Cell mate: Would you like to do it with spit or without?

Guy: Well fuck, if I have to I guess I will...

I jacked off on an elevator

It was wrong on so many levels

What do really jacked guys and moms have in common?

They are both bodybuilders.

An American man gets married to a British woman

Before the big night, his father tells him: "Tonight I want you to carry your wife in your arms to show her that the US is a strong nation.

Then I want you to throw her on the bed to show her that the US is a proud nation


And finally I want you to take of your clothes to show her ...

So the life guard jacked me up the other day...

"Hey, I'm going to have to throw you out. You can't pee in the pool!"

"Everyone pees in the damn pool!" I say.

"That's a maybe, but not from the diving board!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Was running late so I jacked off in the herb garden.

I wanted to cum on thyme.

What happened to the Guns N' Roses tour bus when it got a flat tire and had to be jacked up for repair?

Its axle rose

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

John gets pulled over for speeding

John: Howdy officer, is there a problem?

Officer: You were speeding, sir. License and registration

John: Dude, I got no license

Officer: You're driving without a license?

John: hell yeah!

Officer: And registration?

John: I jacked this car!

Officer: Ar...

Been lifting weights without much results. Saw a super ripped trainer at the gym and asked him how he got so jacked . . .

He paused and then said 'Let me show you the whey'.

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