Interstate Jokes - 58 Hilarious Interstate Jokes

A blonde is driving on the interstate…

Her husband calls her and says... "Be careful darling, it's just been on the radio that someone is driving the wrong way on the interstate" "Someone?" she replies, "theres hundreds of em!"

I got jumped by five black guys in Baltimore...

They were real nice. Car started right up, and they even helped me with directions back to the interstate.

A Scrabble game got dumped all over the interstate highway.

That's the word on the street at least.

Police pulls over a car driving 15 mph in a 70 mph speed zone

It was an older woman driving. He asks her why she was driving slow.

She says - "I saw a sign that said I-15, so I thought the speed limit was 15 mph"

Officer - "That is the sign for the Interstate 15. The speed limit is 70 mph on this road"

Then he notices 3 other older ladies ...

A newly married man had to work interstate for a week

He didn’t want his new bride to miss out whilst he was away, so be bought her a vibrator.

After a couple of days, he asked her if she was enjoying the new toy.

She told him that it was ok, but the only problem was that it knocked two of her teeth out.

A police officer stops a old women on the interstate for speeding....

....He pulls her over and asks her if she has and weapons in her vehicle. She reply’s
“
yes I have a 22 in my glove box.”

He says ok anything else? she says,

“yes I have a shotgun in my trunk. “

He reply’s, is that all. She says

“no I have a handgun in my purse.”...

Me: “According to Waze, someone got decapitated on the interstate”

Wife: “What? Seriously?”

Me: “Yeah, apparently police reported ahead”

A cop pulls a car over for going 20 mph on the highway

The driver is a little old lady, and there are two old ladies in the back seat.

The cop asks, "Why were you driving just 20 miles per hour?"

The old lady responds, "I was just going the posted speed limit!" and points to a sign up ahead.

The cop smiles and says, "That's not the...

There was a man and woman driving down an interstate…

They speed past a sheriff stationed on the side of the road, and the sheriff checks the radar gun. Sure enough, they were speeding, so he takes off and catches up with the elderly couple. He flashes the lights, and they eventually pull over on the side of the road.

The sheriff walks up to th...

The Interstate to Hawaii

A guy is walking along a beach and discovers a broken bottle, from which a genie comes appears. The genie informs the guy that he can have one wish granted with the caveat of no asking for more wishes.

The guy makes his wish: “Can you build an interstate to Hawaii because I hate flying and dr...

A fellow bought a new Corvette and was out on an interstate for a nice evening drive.

The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph he suddenly saw a flashing red and blue light behind him.

"There ain't no way they can catch a Corvette," he thought to himself and opened her up further...

Did you hear about the sweet potato truck that crashed on the interstate?

It caused a huge traffic yam.

So these two pieces of Interstate highway are drinking at the bar...

So these two pieces of Interstate highway are drinking at the bar. The first says "I'm I-10, baby! Atlantic to Pacific! Long and Strong. All day, traffic, truckers and they're flying along at ninty miles per hour. Cuz I'm the Best!" The other piece of highway snorts. "You got nothin! I'm I-95. Alway...

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A guy is speeding down the interstate...

A cop sees him and pulls him over. "License and registration" says the cop. "I'd give you my license officer, but I lost it after my 3rd DUI" says the speeder. "You're driving on a suspended license?" "Yes sir." "Well, let me see your registration" The man says "I'd give it to you sir, but the truth...

I asks a friend if he wanted to go and count 18 wheelers on the Interstate?

He seemed semi-interested.

Kansas, Colorado, New Mexico, and Texas are all about to Outlaw Interstate Begging

These four states are all against the Oklahoma panhandle.

An 18-wheeler spilled a load of strawberry preserves on the interstate today

It was a real traffic jam

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An Alabama police officer was patrolling the interstate with his partner...

An Alabama police officer was patrolling the interstate with his partner. They found a dead body of a black man at the side of the road. The officers went to investigate. He was shot a total of 30 times, 10 to the head. The officer looked at his partner and said, "That's the worst case of suicide I'...

A highway patrol officer pulls a car over for going too slow on the interstate.

A highway patrol officer pulls a car over for going too slow on the interstate and, stepping up to the window, finds it to be occupied by two little old ladies.

The driver is calm as ever, but the woman in the passenger seat is shaking violently.

The officer looks to the driver and sa...

A deranged man was tossing a brick off of the interstate overpass

He had the brick tied to a rope which he was using to toss at cars, then reel back in, to toss at more cars.

Police surrounded him, telling him to drop the brick. As they started moving in, he tossed the brick again, aiming right at a semi.

The brick crashed through the windshield, ca...

If my life is like a highway, I sure hope it's like an interstate

Lots of opportunities to get off

An elderly lady calls her husband during his drive home, "Stanley, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 5, Please be careful!"...

Stanley said, "It's not just one car. There’s hundreds of them!"

A police officer pulls over an elderly woman on the highway.

“Ma’am”, the officer says, “I clocked you at 22 mph. The minimum speed on the highway is 45 mph.”

“But I just saw a 20 mph speed limit sign,” the woman replies.

Chuckling, the officer explains to the woman that the sign she saw was for interstate 20.

He notices that the woman’...

A State Trooper pulled over a guy on the interstate, and asked him if the driver knew why he’d been pulled over.

“I assume you’re selling tickets to the State Troopers’ Ball,” smirked the driver.

“State Troopers don’t have balls,” replied the officer. Then he thought about what’d he’d just said, and said, “Have a nice day, sir.”

Lena is listening to the news as she makes dinner…

It’s rush hour around St. Paul and she knows Ole will be on his way home from the office. As she’s putting things in the oven, she hears a story about a car going the wrong way on the interstate! She immediately calls Ole to let him know he needs to be careful.

“Ole, are you headed home soon?...

BREAKING: An 18 wheeler full of wigs and toupees crashes and spills over the I-95 interstate at 1:30pm today.

Police are still combing the area.

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Wife phoned her husband, be careful on the road, just seen on sky news some idiot is driving the wrong way down the interstate, husband replies one?

There are fucking hundreds.

The Pope visits Texas

The Pope was state bound scheduled to give a speech in Dallas, TX. On their way to the venue the Pope rolls down the privacy glass in the limo and says to his chauffeur, "Hey, you know what? I've always rode in these things, but I've never driven one! Do you mind if we switch spots?" Being it was th...

A cop is sitting by the highway in his patrol car.

Suddenly, a Mercedes goes screaming past at twenty over the speed limit. The officer turns on the sirens and races after the speeder.

When its driver sees the police cruiser, the Mercedes pulls over without incident. The officer goes up to its window, expecting to find a rich kid out for a j...

A married couple is driving...

down the interstate doing 55 mph. The husband is behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him. "Honey, I know we've been married for 15 years, but I want a divorce." The husband says nothing, but slowly turns up to speed to 60 mph.

"I don't want you to talk me out of it, because I've been hav...

A Highway Patrol Officer pulled over a little old lady for going 10mph on the highway.

As he walked up to old lady’s car he noticed there were 3 other elderly folks looking very frightened and rigid.

He leaned down to the old lady’s window and noticed she was as calm as could be.

“Do you know why I pulled you over, ma’am?”

“No I do not,” she replied sweetly. ...

A cop pulls over 3 old ladies

A cop pulls over 3 old ladies doing 20 in a 65mph zone. The cop walks up to the window.

"How can I help you officer?"

"Did you realize you were doing 20 in a 65mph zone?"

"I thought we were doing the speed limit. It says so right there." The old woman pointed to a sign....

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An old woman was watching the news while waiting for her husband to return from the Elk's club

A breaking news story came on about a car driving the wrong away on the interstate.
Being worked for her husband's safety she called him.

"Bill I hope I haven't caught you too late," she said. "The news is reporting a car driving the wrong way down the interstate you use to come home. You ...

So I was pinching one at a highway restaurant toilet

There I sat, reading a magazine, minding my own business. A couple of minutes later comes this other dude and enters the next cubicle. I stay silent, hearing him unzip, taking his pants off, shuffling around, sitting down and starting his thing.

A minute later, I hear him say "Hey, what's up?...

Do you know what the opposite of a drag race is?

I don't, but the truck driver passing another on the interstate sure might.

A woman sees the news, and anxiously calls her husband.

He picks it up,

“Matthew, are you driving home from work?”

“Yes! At least I'm trying!”

“Well be careful out there. There’s some idiot on the interstate going in the wrong direction.”

“Honey... everyone's going in the wrong direction!"

Your Mama is so fat that...

...if she were an interstate the speed limit would drop to 55 due to curves.

Did you hear about the Dole truck that crashed?

It was speeding down the interstate going 20 over the speed limit with a bunch of monkeys hanging off the side when suddenly it lost control and crashed, spilling the contents of it's trailer across all four lanes blocking traffic for hours.

It was bananas.

A man leaves for work in the morning, kissing his wife goodbye.

She leaves for work about 15 minutes later, and turns on her radio to check the traffic. The traffic reporter announces that there is a wrong way driver on the interstate, and she recognizes that route as the one her husband takes to work.

Frantically, she calls her husband to warn h...

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NSFW A blonde has been out for cocktails with her friends. She drives off and is speeding down the Interstate, when she hears the wail of a siren & then sees the blue & red lights in her mirror. The police wave her down. So she takes the exit, parks and the police car pull up behind.

The cop nudges his partner and says "She's a blonde, just watch this"
He walks up to her car and indicates for her to wind down her window. She does so.

Cop: "Ma'am, any idea what speed you were doing?"

Blonde: "How would I know that?"
Cop: "The speedometer Ma'am.
Blonde: "Wh...

An old man goes in to town...

An old man decides to go into town one day to run some errands. On the way back, his wife calls his cell phone.

"Look out honey, I just saw on the news that there's a car driving the wrong way on the interstate."

"Not just one car, they all are!"

Unusual Ornithological Behaviour

The Department of Tourism clean-up crew recently found over 200 dead crows off and along interstate 93 near Boston and there was concern that they may have died from some sort of Covid/Avian Flu.

A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the pro...

10 ants were applying for a joint rental application...

...They meet with the rental agent and are discussing details of the property. One of the ants says "so this ant next to me is Dave, we met in university - great guy. Sarah, Jack and Bobby over there I met through work at the ant hill two trees over, we used to go out leaf hunting together - so much...

A car gets a flat tire

A car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day. The lady driver eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk.

She then takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. The lif...

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Juggler's running late

A state trooper pulls over a speeder on the Interstate. When he asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a Juggler and was running late for a show.

The trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling and said if the driver would do a little juggling for him then he w...

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Yet another blonde joke

A blonde is driving down the interstate when she sees a police car behind her with its lights on. She pulls off to the side of the road, the officer comes over to the driver side window, and pulls his penis out. The blond looks at it and says "not another breathalyzer!"

Speeding Car

A cop is doing is regular routine, driving on the highway when he spots a car going 95 miles per hours.

He finally catches up with the vehicle and pulls it over, and both vehicles come to a complete stop at the side of the highway. As the cop walks towards the vehicle, on the back seat, he sp...

A cop pulls over a blonde.

A cop pulls over a car for going 30 mph on the interstate. The blonde protests and says "30 mph was the speed limit on the sign." The cop chuckles and says "no maam that is the highway number not the speed limit." The officer notices her passengers are all rigid, ashen, shaking, and obviously sc...

Steph Curry picks up a veteran and a rookie teammate on his way to a game against the Lakers.

While on the road, they wind up behind an SUV and Steph sees that Shaq is behind the wheel. Steph kicks it into overdrive and passes Shaq going 70 mph.

A little while later they see Arnold Schwarzenegger in a Mustang. Steph floors it and passes him going 80 mph.

Halfway to the game, t...

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Emergency flashers

Yesterday, I had a flat tire on the interstate. So I eased my car over to the shoulder of the road, carefully got out of the car and opened the trunk.

I took out two cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of my car facing on-coming traffic. They looked so lifelike you wouldn...

A man is driving down the highway with his wife....

He's driving for a bit down the interstate when all of a sudden he gets pulled over.

The cop screams, "Get out of the car!"

He complies.

The cop asks, "What the hell is the matter with you? Didn't you notice that your wife fell out of the car half a a mile back?"

"Oh than...

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An Old Man and his Wife get Pulled Over

An old man and his wife are driving down the interstate one day when they begin to get pulled over.

The old man who is driving says “Damn, we’re getting pulled over!”

The old woman, who is hard of hearing cups her ear and mutters “Eeeehhh?”

The old man replies “WE’RE GETTING PU...

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Women drivers amirite?

This morning on the Interstate, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Cadillac doing 65 mph with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner.

I looked away for a couple seconds ... to continue shaving and when I looked back, she was halfway over i...

Emily and the Apache Woman

Emily was driving in her Chevrolet Bolt along the Interstate 17 in Arizona, on her way home to Phoenix.

Suddenly she saw a poor, elderly Apache woman walking very slowly along the side of the highway.

Recognising that this situation was quite dangerous and feeling sorry for the poor wo...

A New Yorker Asks for a Cab Ride to Chicago

A man gets in a cab at 33rd St. and Park Ave. and says, "I need to get to the Palmer House."

The cabbie says, "The Palmer House Hotel?"

The man says, "Yeah."

The cabbie says, "That's on Wabash in Chicago."

The man says, "Yeah."

The cabbie says, "I'm not gonna drive...

A trucker walks into a bar.

He sits at the bar and orders a beer, the bartender is a bit surprised to see the trucker. "Hey Bob, haven't seen you in a while, what have you been up to? "

Bob takes a swig of beer, "man that tastes good, haven't had a beer in 18 months, I have been in prison" he says.

"You, I can't ...

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Ted Nugent

Ted Nugent is driving down the interstate late at night when nature begins to call. He sees a sign for a rest stop. He says to himself, "Oh man, I know what goes on at these places at night, but I gotta go!"

So he pulls in to the rest stop, looks in the bathroom and finds it empty. Relieved...

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Magic Dildo

A man was in a sex shop looking for a gift for his wife. Mother's Day was just around the corner and he wanted to get her the perfect gift. He was having trouble deciding so he went up to the counter to get some help. He asked the girl at the counter, a stunningly hot blonde, what her favorite toy w...

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