Built In Jokes

I don’t even know where that is!

A man is having a house built in Kansas. He drives to the site to see how its going. The crew is hanging up rafters with suspicious looking braces.

The man finds the General Contractor and asks him about the braces.

"Oh, them. Them, there's called Hurricane Ties." says the GC

"... read more

Slackers everywhere suddenly feel a massive obligation to be more productive.

After the cell tower was erected, people living near the tower started reporting worrying symptoms, such as, as dizzy spells, vomiting, and insomnia.

Over the next few months, these symptoms increased in both frequency and intensity--sometimes people would completely lose consciousness and fa... read more

It just looks that way.

It will be the lowest of Lowe's.

A girl recently told me that she was impressed with my persistence. I replied with, "Mt. Rushmore wasn't built in a day. I'll chip away until you have something disappointing and smaller than imagined."

The council officer calls in the first tender, who offers to do the job for £3k, when asked about the breakdown the council are advised 'It's 1K for me 1K for my crew and 1K for materials.

The second tender then comes in and offers to do the job for £6k, advising It's 2k for me, 2k for my cre... read more

Alexus.

I really don't like buying foreign products.

Talk about a waist of time.

So I gave him a glass of water

Probably not.

A couple moves from Vancouver to Newfoundland. The wife has a wooden leg and needs it insured in her new location so they go to a local insurance agent who quotes them $39 (sorry I know it should be Canadian dollars). They are astounded as it cost almost 2,000 in Vancouver and inquires why so cheap ... read more

They have built in scales

An engineer dies and goes to hell. At first, he's reluctant to come to terms with where he is.

The devil sees him, and says" Cheer up, hell isn't so bad. I'll prove it, you can have the best room in the house."

The engineer happily accepts and is led to something that looks like it was... read more

They fly over the Empire State Building and Reagan proudly boasts:

"See that? We built that in a few days from scratch!"

Then they fly over the Buckingham Palace and Thatcher proudly says:

"See that? That we built in a week!

When they got to Russia and flew over the Krem... read more

We make nothing in Britain these days;just noticed on the back of my TV it says ‘Built in Antenna’- this is a country I’ve never even heard of.

There once was a man who that grew up humbly, on an island. As he aged, he remained in the same grass hut he built in his youth. He expanded his home through the years, but lived humbly. He only had one vice. He liked purchasing items that belonged to royalty, in particular, thrones. He purchase... read more

A foreign tourist hired a guide to take him around Delhi and Agra. At the
Red Fort at Delhi, he admired the architecture and asked how many years it
took to build.

"Twenty years," replied the guide.

"You Indians are a lazy lot," the tourist said. In my country, this could have... read more