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Productive Jokes

I had decided to be a different person and be productive

But the other person turned out to be unproductive too......

Thank goodness Reddit is back up

I was almost productive for a second there!

Monday and Tuesday are my most productive days

After that, it’s WTF

I used to work in a car wash, but I wasn't very productive.

In hindsight, it probably wasn't the most practical place for a painter.

If Germans are so efficient and productive, why hasn't Germany built an unsinkable ship yet?

Because why would we waste our time building a ship if nobody has ever sought of it yet?

Scientists have recently discovered that 3 out of 5 habitual marijuana users developed over productive saliva glands.

When asked if anything can be done, one leading scientist advised, "Yes, you can either spit, or get off the pot".

I would be very productive, but I keep being distracted by two things.

Anything and everything.

What was the least productive period of the USSR?

When their leader was Stalin for 30 years

Talking about a one-dimensional space isn't always productive

But it's usually not pointless

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend said that having sex all day isn’t productive.

And I said no, but it is reproductive.

Hey Captain Kirk, who's your most productive officer?

That would be Pavel - any task I give him, he'll quickly Chekov.

How do people take an all-night flight and still manage to be productive the next day?

Red eye mind tricks.

80% of Swedish nationals report enjoying the lockdown despite having initially rejecting it. They say it makes them more productive.

Personally, I think it’s just a case of Stuckhome syndrome.

How to be Productive:

1.) Make a list

2.) Cross off the first thing on your list

3.) Reward yourself with a nap

What's the least productive country in the world?

The Vatican. They've only ever produced 27 papas.

I was reading my emails...

The other day I was reading my emails and there was one from my boss, it said;

"Mr. Morgan I regret to inform you that although I thought this company could tolerate your ADD, I'm afraid you're just not productive enough. You may turn up Wednesday to collect your things. I sincerely hope you ...

Studies show the average worker is productive for 2 hours in an 8 hour work day...

...I totally disagree, because it’s hard work trying to not get caught doing nothing by your boss.

You hear about the highly-productive pastry factory that has trouble retaining employees?

It has a high turnover rate.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm most productive at work when I'm in the bathroom.

It's where I get shit done.

I waste so much time trying to strangle myself for pleasure when I should be being productive

I wish I'd never got into autoerotic procrastination.

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