Autocorrect is always spot on and genuinely helps me be more productive on my mobile device.

Autocorrect is your friend. Always and everywhere.

I would be very productive, but I keep being distracted by two things.

Anything and everything.

Scientists have recently discovered that 3 out of 5 habitual marijuana users developed over productive saliva glands.

When asked if anything can be done, one leading scientist advised, "Yes, you can either spit, or get off the pot".

How do people take an all-night flight and still manage to be productive the next day?

Red eye mind tricks.

80% of Swedish nationals report enjoying the lockdown despite having initially rejecting it. They say it makes them more productive.

Personally, I think it’s just a case of Stuckhome syndrome.

What was the least productive period of the USSR?

When their leader was Stalin for 30 years

Thank goodness Reddit is back up

I was almost productive for a second there!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend said that having sex all day isn’t productive.

And I said no, but it is reproductive.

Talking about a one-dimensional space isn't always productive

But it's usually not pointless

Studies show the average worker is productive for 2 hours in an 8 hour work day...

...I totally disagree, because it’s hard work trying to not get caught doing nothing by your boss.

Hey Captain Kirk, who's your most productive officer?

That would be Pavel - any task I give him, he'll quickly Chekov.

I waste so much time trying to strangle myself for pleasure when I should be being productive

I wish I'd never got into autoerotic procrastination.

You hear about the highly-productive pastry factory that has trouble retaining employees?

It has a high turnover rate.

I had to leave the granite industry

It was counter productive

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