How many idiots does it take to paint a wall?

101 - one to hold the brush and the other 100 to move the wall.

A PESSIMIST sees a dark tunnel

An OPTIMIST sees light at the end of the tunnel

A REALIST sees a freight train

The TRAIN driver sees 3 idiots standing on the tracks

Fool: Why do ducks walk like idiots?

Wiseman: Why do idiots walk like ducks?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

9/10 Redditors are fucking idiots

Glad to be in that 1%

99.9% of people are idiots.

Fortunately, I belong to the 1% of intelligent people

My bullies broke my MP3-Player at school. Luckily, my parents bought me an MP4 for my birthday, but these idiots destroyed it again.

Tomorrow, I'll bring an MP5.

I tried to find an anagram for "napping idiots."

The result was disappointing.

Cannibals

Recently, a large corporation hired several cannibals to increase their diversity. "You are all part of our team now," said the Human Resources rep during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any employees....

How many idiots does it take to change a lightbulb?

Three; one to hold the bulb and two to turn the chair

A large corporation hires a Tribe of cannibals...

And they tell them: "You have full rights as employees, but you're not allowed to eat anybody."

Things go well for several weeks and then the CEO calls the Tribe into his office. The CEO says:

"Somebody has been reported missing. Did you eat them?"

The chief of the Tribe checks ...

I can't stand idiots that don't know the difference between to and too.

There so stupid.

Dad, what are idiots?

\- "Are they kind of animal?" kid asks dad.

\- "No son, those are people like you and me." dad answers.

There was a slightly long bridge, wide enough for only one car and one day, two cars tried to cross over from opposite directions and met at the middle of the bridge, obviously unable to get past the other......

One driver poked his head out of his window and yelled - "I don't make way for idiots!"

The second guy rolled his window down and yelled back - "I do!" and backed up his car...

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Why the long face?”

The horse says, “Because idiots keep eating up my dewormer medicine.”

The village of idiots.

There is a village of idiots. Every month the village gathers in the town square, where 3 people from the neighboring town each bring in an object so,the town's folk can guess what it is. It's great fun for the whole town women, men, young and old alike join the festivities. The first person walks t...

Three idiots get lost in the desert......

After walking for hours, they begin to realize they are in trouble knowing they need water very soon. Fortunately for them they happen upon a crashed and deserted car, the first idiot: the radiator must have water, the second idiot the wind shield wiper container must have water, the third idiot doe...

All the rich idiots in my town drive BMWs.

It's the only foreign car they can spell.

Please stop calling Congress village idiots.

Village idiots are far less useless.

I wish we cold stop idiots from being literate.

Then jokes like this would never happen.

What do idiots on Twitter and a cartographer have in common?

Map awareness.

As a non-American I just wanted to say I don't think America is filled with idiots.

Yeah, right sub.

What do you call a group of idiots?

A dim sum.

Two idiots are painting the roof of the barn...

Two idiots are painting the roof of the barn when it catches on fire. The only way down is to jump into the manure pile.

The first idiot says, “I’ll jump first and tell you how deep it is.” He jumps, and a few seconds later the second idiot hears, “it’s only ankle deep!”

The second id...

A was talking with a friend of mine and she

told me that she was pregnant with twins. I told her; ok what's the matter and she answers;Since they're twins, will I be pregnant for nine or 18 months? And I'm answering her, don't worry about that. Worry about the possibility that kids might be idiots like you.

Old Russian joke. Russia has 2 major problems: roads and idiots. One of them can be solved by a road roller...

But it's impossible to figure out what to do with roads.

Two idiots want to escape prison

One says "Go to the wall, if it's short enough we'll jump over it. If it's too tall, we'll dig a tunnel."

The other one goes outside to check.

When he returns, he says "Dude, we can't escape."

"What!? Why?"

>!"There's no wall"!<

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two idiots were boasting to each other.

"Back in my home town, we were so poor that we ate the lizards crawling on our walls." Says Manny.

"Oh yeah? In my home town we ate literal shit just to survive." Jinkee said.

Manny then proceeds to take a shit on his hand. "Alright then. Eat this."

Jinkee says, "Why? We're no...

An idiot moves to a very religious catholic neighborhood.

This particular idiot loved to eat chicken, so he grilled it every day. Now, on Fridays, the people of his neighborhood would get irritated that someone was eating meat when they had to abstain, so they took it up with their pastor. Their pastor then went to the idiot, and told him about the message...

People who eat Tide Pods are idiots.

The Costco brand pods are half the price. Just saying.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An art teacher, a math teacher, and a science teacher are all arguing over which one of them is the smartest.

The art teacher shows the others a giant clay sculpture of a dog he made. “This thing took me nearly a month to make.” He said. “Clearly this proves that I’m the smartest.”

The math teacher just laughs at him. “That’s nothing” she says. She then pulls out a huge 1’000 question math test which...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.