Hypocrite Jokes

My friend got called a hero for donating a kidney, but when I turn up to donate 10 they call me a monster!

They compose when they are alive and decompose when they are dead!

I doctor patients for weeks and no one bats an eye, but doctoring one little PhD is apparently crossing a line.

"I'll have a standard, please. Make it a double."

He has a fur coat that he always wears.

A hypocrite!

I saw a bumper sticker that said "I stand up for **GOD!**" but that dude was totally sitting in his car.

He claimed to be pro-life and died

but people who start sentences with 'I'm not \_\_\_ or anything' suck.

He said: "No way, you cannot possibly marry my mother!"

But him marrying my mother was totally ok? What a hypocrite.

because it doesn't have mushroom to talk.

Don't be a hypocrite.

What's your name?

A Hypocrite

I called her a *hypocrite* and unplugged her life support.

I also hate it when they call me a hypocrite

The two thousand member Baptist church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning.

The preacher was ready to start the sermon when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church.

One of the two men walked to the middle of the church ... read more

so Ghandi is giving out some free advice and a woman goes up to him and asks him to tell her son to stop eating chocolate. Ghandi says, "okay come back in a week and I will give him some advice." So after a week the woman comes back to Ghandi and Ghandi tells the kid, "Stop eating chocolate." The wo... read more

Me: all my friends do it

Parents: if all you’re friends jumped off a cliff would you do that too

Me: ok it’s bad enough that you won’t let me joke about it but you don’t need to be a hypocrite

Three Irishmen are sitting in the pub window seat, watching the front door of the brothel over the road.

The local Methodist pastor appears, and quickly goes inside.

"Would you look at that!" says the first Irishman.

"Didn't I always say what a bunch of hypocrites they are?"<... read more

Then they fired me for violating the dress code at the bank. Hypocrites. How am I ever going to become a sumo wrestler now?

A Catholic priest, a Methodist pastor, a Baptist minister, and an Episcopalian rector were attending an ecumenical conference. After the conferences were done and they had supper, they were relaxing in the hotel restaurant, talking.

The Catholic priest said, "You know, it's great to get to k... read more

It's people who can't count

and hypocrites

A hypocrite

I hate hypocrites though.

1. Critics
2. People who dont raed their jokes before posting
3. Hypocrites

I say he’s a hypocrite. Especially since I don’t exist

An atheist was walking in the forest admiring all the beauty of creation. He heard and saw a large bush rustling and decide to investigate. He frightened a large bear which started to chase him. He ran hard, looked back and saw the bear catching up. He ran harder, looked back and the bear was still ... read more

It's gingers, dyslexia, racists, and hypocrites.

...and (2) Hypocrites

Three Irishmen were sitting in a pub across the road from the local brothel. As they watched through the window, they saw the Methodist minister creep up to the door of the brothel and slip inside.

"Ah, now - didn't I tell you? They're all a bunch of hypocrites, that lot. Such a shame, a man ... read more

Preaches waiting for marriage and all that. Meanwhile he just goes and gets nailed 3 times in one day.