UPJOKE
hostessemceecomperelegionserverguesthordeinnkeeperhospitalityarmybanqueteventupcomingshowvenue

Hosts Jokes

I'm opening a bar that hosts brass bands every weekend.

I'm calling it "HornPub".

A small company hosts a costume party

A small startup company announces they will be holding an employee costume party to celebrate the end of their first fiscal year in business.

The theme of the party is “Past and Present” to celebrate the work that has been done while also looking forward to the years to come. To further expa...

What do you call a warship that hosts greek weddings?

A dishtroyer.

Bert and Ernie served as daytime radio hosts for over twenty years.

Bert and Ernie worked together as daytime radio hosts for over twenty years. They'd traded jokes, played pop music and generally made peoples lives a touch brighter as they trundled to their workplace.

Now though, there was a silence on the air. Ernie silently reread the fax from civil defen...

The Queen hosts a garden party in Scotland.

The Scottish waiter arrives carrying a tray with many cakes on it. Queen asks, “Is that a scone, or a meringue?”

The waiter replies: “Naw, yer quite right, that’s a scone.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A penis has a wonderful life.....for the optimists!

His two closest friends hang around and constantly update him on the weather.

His best friend is a pussy.

He never has to comb his hair.

He can quadruple in size and stand up if he really wants to see something.

He can take over all his hosts functions and thoughts whenev...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

During a dinner party, the hosts’ two little children enter the dining room totally nude and walk slowly around the table.

The parents are so embarrassed that they pretend nothing is happening and keep the conversation going. The guests cooperate and also continue as if nothing extraordinary is happening. After going all the way around the room the children leave, and there is a moment of silence at the table, during wh...

When traveling India one of my hostel hosts invited me for his daughters wedding

At the wedding I shortly got to talk to the bride and I commented her beautiful wedding dress. She said she was the 7th generation who got married in this dress and it was her great great great great grandmother who had the dress made for her wedding back in 1982.

A man hosts a party for 4 of his friends.

(This joke is translated from Chinese. It sounds a lot better in the original due to the reiteration and how the syllables works out)


Three of the guests arrived on time, but long has past since they waited for the 4th. The host, impatient, started muttering.

Host: "The one who i...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call someone who masturbates to the hosts on OAN?

A Q-cummer

Who hosts the tool awards?

Emcee Hammer

There is an experience some podcast hosts have in which the more popular they get, the dumber they seem and the more ridiculous shot they do.

It’s called the Joe Rogan Experience.

Who hosts the Late Night Show in North Korea?

Jimmy Kim-il

When it comes to talk show hosts I don’t usually go for Conan...

I find his humor and style a bit too Barbarian for my personal taste

Trump hosts Putin for a state dinner at The White House

When a guest asks "Mr. President, what have the two of you been discussing all day?", to which Trump responds "Planning World War 3." The guest asks "What will that be like?" Trump: "We're going to kill 4 million muslims and one dentists." The guest appears confued and asks "But why one dentist?", w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man hosts a dress-up party, where the theme is you have to come dressed as a mood...

...on the night of the party, the man is at the front door greeting his guests and asking them what mood they were dressed as.

A couple of women arrived all dressed in green saying "we're green with envy".

A trio of men turned up dressed in red saying "we're red with rage".

More...

An elite club in New York City hosts its annual banquet...

It is known for upholding a number of very picky rules, notably a strict dress code.

Justin Timberlake walks to the door wearing a sports coat and khakis. The bouncer says, "You didn't meet the dress code. Please leave."

Leonardo Dicaprio walks to the door wearing a collared shirt, for...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So an American businessman goes to Japan.

The hosts lay it on thick for him as there is a lot of money involved. An attractive woman he has met accompanies him to his hotel room. One thing leads to another and soon the woman is writhing on the bed saying "chiagu ana chigau ana" He finishes off and she lets out a deep deep sigh. Job well d...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke that Abraham Lincoln told

I’ve never seen this joke here before, I read it in some biography long ago in my school days. This is a joke that actual President Lincoln told:

There was an American ambassador to England after the revolutionary war, and his bitter hosts wanted to antagonize him.

So they got a port...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.