Melissa's parrot was a horribly, horribly foul-mouthed bird-

One day, after having this parrot for a while, she's finally gotten fed up with listening to the darn thing cursing at her all the time, and so she takes the \*\^[email protected]!! thing to the vet.

The vet tells her, "Look, Melissa, I had a parrot in here a while back that had the same problem as yours- I...

I found a ghost who wanted to pose for a photo for me! Unfortunately, it came out horribly underexposed.

The spirit was willing, but the flash was weak.

Every morning when this woman's husband wakes up he let's a loud and horribly smelling fart.

She tells him over and over "some day you're going to fart your guts out!"
Her husband just laughs and brushes it off.

This goes on for months until Thanksgiving comes around and she is preparing the turkey. The woman gets this idea. Her husband is still sleeping so she grabs the turkey gu...

The Dyson Ball Vacuum…

Is a horribly misleading name for this product.

I'm horribly depressed guys.

All this gravity is really bringing me down.

With all the bars closed, how horribly ironic is it that Joe Diffie died?

We can't even prop him up beside the juke box.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A kid was doing horribly in math class..

He always brought home an F or C- on his report card. His parents decided to put him in a private catholic school to help him improve. All of a sudden his grades improved drastically. He had an A+ on every report card for Math. His parents finally asked, "Son, what changed? How did you improve so mu...

Teaching as a career

A school teacher walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I'm so worn out," he complains to the bartender. "The entire American school system is horribly disorganized and poorly run." "Well, then I guess it's true," the bartender says. "School really does prepare you for real life."

If a joke's over your head it's a "whoosh". But if a joke crashes and dies horribly,

That's a "Boeing".

How do you know that the prostate exam is going horribly wrong?

When the doctor places both hands on your shoulders.

I have a feeling that my mouth transplant surgery went horribly wrong.

The voice in the back of my head keeps telling me that.

I tried to deep fry my turkey this year but it went horribly wrong

Boom. Roasted.

If anyone knows how to correct cosmetic surgery that's gone horribly wrong?

I'm all ears.

A man with a giant, round orange head walks into a bar....

He sits down at the bar and the bartender asks why the giant round orange head....

The man says 'I came across a magic lamp and rubbed it and the genie granted me three wishes.'

'With my first wish I wished for all the money I would ever need and that's why I'm ordering a round for eve...

The husband in a married couple kept farting horribly in bed,

The husband in a married couple kept farting horribly in bed, for years, it was terrible. His wife suffered greatly and kept nagging him to do something about his indigestion, often saying, “One day, Trevor, your horrible farting is going to force your guts right out!”

The husband only made f...

What do you call a one night stand that goes horribly, horribly wrong?

Your wife

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