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Appalling Jokes

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The Queen of England is taking a tour of an American hospital when she spots a patient furiously masturbating through an open door.

Her Majesty: "What's going on here? This is absolutely appalling."

Nurse: "Actually, Your Highness, it's for medicinal purposes. This patient has a very serious condition, and if he doesn't orgasm at least once every eight hours, his testicles will swell and cause fatal clotting."

Her ...

Saw something appalling at the gym today!

Someone put their water bottle in the Pringle’s holder!

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It's appalling how society treats people who don't like butter.

Margarinalized.

It's appalling that despite advances in Science, the constant media circus has made us insensitive to the fact that every minute...

Sixty seconds pass away

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Guy comes back from deployment after a year...

And immediately when he gets home, he shows his wife a new trick he taught himself. He drops his pants and looks at his member and says "Soldier, ten-hut!"
His member immediately shoots errect.
She finds this ammusing.
"Baby," he says "there is more."
He looks down at his member and says...

As compensation for their appalling behaviour, United Airlines are going to sponsor a lot more community sports and activities

Their first project will be Drag Racing

Or else!

Timmy was a soft spoken mell-mannered lad and he was soon to be married to Jane. His mates were worried that, with his mild nature, he'd end up being dominated by his new spouse and had a plan to "show her who's the boss". Obviously Timmy thought that would be an appalling idea but finally gave in.<...

What's black and white and red all over?

* Classic answer: A newspaper.
* Children's answer: A zebra with a suntan.
* Holiday answer: Santa at the bottom of the chimney.
* Religious answer: An priest realizing that he really is wearing a dress.
* Appalling answer: An interracial couple in an automobile accident.

So, John received a parrot, as a gift.

Now this parrot was the rudest, noisiest, most foul mouthed parrot you can imagine. Every other word out of this parrot's beak was profanity, and strings of filthy insults - absolutely appalling behaviour!

Well, over the course of the next week, John tried speaking to it softy and calmly, pl...

I decided to go vegan after visiting the meat production factory.

The livestock conditions were appalling.
The process involving production of Meatballs and Salami was bad.
But wait till you see the one of German sausage. It was the wurst.

Edit : Sweden has already decided to bring in regulations. I'd say they are ahead of the korv.

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A tourist is walking through an isolated village in India

As his walk progresses, his stomach starts to gurgle and his butt puckers like the mouth of an infant who was cruelly given a lemon.

He looks around for a place to privately relieve himself. He sees an outhouse and rushes inside. In the outhouse is just a short divider wall to lean over and...

Quasimodo needs a vacation.

He goes to the Dean of the cathedral and asks for a leave. He’s told taking time off is OK if he will arrange for someone to take his place temporarily. So Quasimodo posts a job on LinkedIn for a bell ringer.
Several people respond but the best candidates were a pair of twins. They were quite eag...

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Classic Rocky and Bullwinkle pun

On a December trip to Frostbite Falls, Minnesota, Ferdinand Feghoot was summoned to the local college, Wossamotta U. by Inspector Fenwick, the Chief of Police.

There he was confronted with an appalling scene. Bullwinkle, the town's leading citizen, had been smashed flatter than a kippered her...

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building

A little boy spends the afternoon watching some builders at work on a neighbor's house. When he goes inside his mother asks him what he's been doing. "Learning about building," he replies. "and what did you learn?" she asks. "Well," the boy replies. "First, you put the goddamn door up. Then the son ...

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