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Hooked Jokes

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I once hooked up with a Japanese porn star...

...but it was a total blur.

I was hooked on auctions after only going once ...

...going twice…

I bet my farmer friend $100,000 I could get his cows hooked on weed

The steaks have never been higher

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Hooked up with a GILF

We get to her place she said she didn't need a safe word. If anything went wrong just hit her LifeAlert button

Pros of my high school years: I graduated top of my class, was voted prom king, and hooked up with the hottest girl in my grade.

Cons of my high school years: my twin sister and I were homeschooled.

Potassium and Oxygen hooked up

It would have been OK, if Potassium hadn't come first.

Bonus: Oxygen, Hydrogen, and Carbon always wear their best suits when they get together. They're a formyl group.

A Circle was talking to his other circle friends, he said did you know that our buddy circle hooked up with that lady circle? And circles asked...

Venn?

What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and the computer he’s hooked up to?

The computer runs.

I've hooked up with a Geiger Girl.

We just clicked.

I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium hooked up last night.

I was like OMg.

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I hooked up with a martial artist last week.

She floated like a butterfly, and now it stings when I pee.

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I hooked up with a girl....

I hooked up with a girl. She said she wanted me to give her 8 inches and make her bleed!

So I fucked her twice and punched her in the nose

A fisherman took his boat far out to sea. He hooked a huge fish, and fought it for hours.

Unfortunately, as he wasn’t strapped into his seat, he was yanked overboard, and began to drown. Suddenly, he was rescued and brought back to his boat by a pair of dolphins. Without thinking, the fisherman thanked them.
They replied, “You’re welcome!” Aghast, the fisherman said, “You can talk! Th...

I hooked up with a very promiscuous native American.

I think I now understand why they call him "fire snake"

A couple hooked up to the Joy of painting.....

9 months later they had a happy little accident

I finally hooked up with the girl who said, “You’re like a brother to me”.

I said, “Well, if you incest”.

I hooked my blind friend up with a guy in a Pennywise mask as a prank

They hit it off last night.
She totally didn't see IT coming.

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A rural farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called and that on the few occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.

The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady.

He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring.

Climbing do...

My African-American friend hooked up with a girl from Thailand...

It was a real black-Thai affair.

Hooked up with this woman for a nooner

We were in bed going at whrn she hears her husband coming in the front door. She says "quick use the backdoor." Looking back I probably should have left, but how often do you get an offer like that.

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My grandfather, a Vietnam veteran,hooked up with a Viet girl a few years after the war.

He told me the story of how they met at a bar, and how he took her home that night, and how he began having PTSD flashbacks as soon as she undressed.

"Why's that?" I asked him.

"It was just like the war," he said. "I couldn't see the Vietnamese in all the bush."

\----

Be...

Why was the nun hooked up to an IV of holy water?

She was taking god's name in vein.

I hooked up with a blind woman the other day

She said I was the biggest she's ever been with, I said "ah you're just pulling my leg"

My German plumber hooked up my gas pipe to my shower...

Looks like old habits die hard

I know this guy that's hooked on brake fluid

He said he could stop anytime.

I can make you speak Irish

Say "Whale oil beef hooked" quickly

What do ducks get hooked on?

Quack

Prof.X died the other day whilst hooked up to his mind machine.

As a consequence, everyone on earth was frozen in time.

It's a terrible condition... Cerebro Pausey

Three women die enter hell, and Satan greets them at the doorway.

"Welcome, sinners!" he says with a grin. "In heaven, your rank would be based on your purity, but not down here! Your mode of transportation will be decided by the number of MEN you have hooked up with." He turned to face the first woman. "How many men have you hooked up with?"

"Around five I...

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