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Emo Jokes

Emo girls be like- how much am I worth...

Girl scan the code on your wrist

Anyone ever heard of emo pizza?

It’s the kind that cuts itself.

I regret going to an emo barber.

Instead of cutting my hair he just kept cutting himself.

Why was the Emo girl jealous of her phone?

It died

How many Emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, they all sit in the dark and cry.



It's cake day : )

Edit: thanks for my first silver kind stranger!
A Gold also! Thank you very much!

What do you call an emo a capella group?

Self Harmony

What do you call an emo person with cancer

Chemo

I'm making a film about emos.

I really need to stop saying "cut!" at the end of each scene.

What do you call 2 emos making out in a science classroom?

My Chemical Romance

Why did the emo kid leave the bar?

It was happy hour.

Always get in a fight with an emo.

They'll take themselves out before you know it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Got a job working with a bunch of Emo kids. It's depressing, they're always going on about dying, they look terrible with their white skin, and complain about how shit their life is.

Sorry not Emo kids......Chemo kids..

An emo kid applied for the marines last week...

He made the cut.

What kind of coffee do Emo's drink?

Depresso's

An emo became a perfect film editor

he made very accurate cuts

What’s an Emo’s favourite type of bath Bomb?

A toaster

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How to make Emo Cupcakes

What You'll need:

Cupcake Tray

An oven

Milk

Butter

Eggs

Flour

Sugar

We're

Going

Down

Swingin'

What do you call an emo with a flat chest?

a cutting board

what did the emo dolphin say?

theres no porpoise in life

What do emos and unsalted popcorn have in common?

They're both white and flavorless

What do you call a Emo kid in Hawaii?

A Tropical Depression

Heard about the new Emo-grass for your lawn?

It cuts itself.

How do emo bands prepare for their shows?

They self-harmonize.

What do you call 4 emo friends?

Suicide Squad.

Which one touches the ground faster, a feather or an emo kid?

The feather cuz the emo kid’s attached to a rope…

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a horny emo who practices self-control?

An edgelord

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the emo kid get kicked out of the amusement park?

He kept cutting in line.

What’s an emo person’s favorite sport?

Jump rope.

What happened to the emo

A depressed emo high off shrooms was walking in the forest when he came across a tree with arms. He tried to give him a high-five but the tree left him hanging.

What do you call a video of an emo, appearing in a video game??

A cut scene.

How do you get a group of emo kids to change a light bulb?

You don't, just let them sit and cry in the dark

What is the difference between an emo kid and a gallon of milk?

The milk won't hang itself after you dump it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just planted emo grass.

Ignore it and it cuts itself.

What do you call an obese emo teenager

An edgelard.

Alternatively, names.

A leaf and an emo fall from a tree, who hits the ground first?

The leaf. The rope stopped the emo.

Wish my hair was emo...

Then it would cut itself

Did you hear about the Mexican emo band?

They're called 'Hispanic at the Disco'

What do you call an emo a Capella group?

Self Harmony

How do emo's like their meat cooked

medium rawr

What's an emo's favorite musical instrument?

The forearm violin.

An emo kid tries to high five a tree…

The tree left them hanging

what was the emo robot diagnosed with?

self destructive behaviour

Emo Friend Is Bad At Shaving

My emo friend is really bad at shaving.
Whenever he shaves, it always cuts his skin.


I don't know why he shaves his wrists though.

What makes a great emo band?

Lots of Deep Cuts

How do you get an emo out of a tree?

Cut the rope.

I think my wife has weekly sessions with the devil on how to be more evil.

I don't know what she charges him for it though.




Edit: Considering the attention, I should attribute this to the great Emo Phillips:

"People come up to me concerned... I'll reproduce"

"People come up to me and ask, Emo, do people really come up to you?"

"I len...

Want some emo coffee?

It's fresh brood!

Me: "Why does that emo cake cost so much?"

Bakery Cashier: "It cuts itself."

I started an emo salsa band

We're called Hispanic at the Disco

How many emos does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. They just sit in the dark and cry

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did anybody see the movie about the emo kid who was a compulsive masturbator?

It was a real tear jerker.

emos and goths should wear more gold

its pretty metal

Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!" He said, "Nobody loves me."

I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?"

He said, "Yes." I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?" He said, "A Christian." I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?" He said, "Protestant." I said, "Me, too! What franchise?" He said, "Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southe...

Emo Philips posted his favourite Judy Tenuta joke in honor of her passing:

My favorite Judy Tenuta story: after a show, the comic who opened for her is driving her to their next gig; as they re passing cornfields at 2 AM he asks, "So what did you think of my act" & she replies,
"Ask me again when we get a bit closer to town"

Godspeed, Judy Tenuta.

I disappeared when the emo phase died off....

I was never scene again

What do emo birds call their mouths?

What do emo birds call their mouths?

Bleaks

What's the most emo country in the world?

Qatar

what do you call an emo acapella group?

Self Harmony

What‘s an Emos favorite sub?

/wrists

Heresy

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. I immediately ran over and said "Stop! Don't do it!"

"Why shouldn't I?" he said.

I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!"

"Like what?"

"Well ... are you religious o...

What did the emo acid say to his mom?

“Its just a PHase!”

My emo friend needed a new truck...

They decided on the Titan XD

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