God, bored one day, decides to visit one of his most loyal followers and grant him one wsh.

Follower: Wow, anything I want!?!?

God: Yes, as long as it is in reason.

Follower: OK, can I get a highway from my house to Hawaii?

God: I'm sorry, that would interfere with other people and nature, so I'm afraid I cannot do that.

Follower: Alright, I wish to be able to u...

A loyal employee, Skip, was bragging that he knew almost anyone in the world personally

Naturally, his boss took him up on the offer. He took him to a Chicago Bulls game, and walking into the tunnel, Michael Jordan recognized him and said "what's up Skip?". His boss naturally was impressed. So he took it a step further and went to the White House. President Bush immediately recognized ...

Ben Shapiro was loyal to Steam

All his friends, family, and co-workers knew that Ben would defend Steam in any argument, claiming it to be the superior game launcher, and the only one people should use. His loyalty was unmoving, and even gained him some branding deals with Valve.



One day while Ben was on his comput...

Unlike you guys, I’m loyal

I would never cheat on my girlfriends!

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I'm so loyal to my Girlfriend

The Porn I watch doesn't even have women in it

What did the loyal calculator say to its human?

You can count on me!

The most loyal, kind and noble of all dog breeds is the hot dog...

He's the only one who feeds the hand that bites him

A man writing in his diary:

I am an ideal man. I don't smoke, drink, or go to night clubs. I have always been loyal to my wife and don't flirt with strange women. I sleep at eight o'clock and wake up early. I exercise daily and work regular hours. But all this will change as soon as I get out of prison.

"Donald is intensely loyal. To family, friends, employees, country."

-His 3rd wife

Donald Trump "is intensely loyal...he will never let you down." ....

- his third wife

Loyal wife

This woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.

One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what?

You have been wi...

A king had ten loyal, trusted knights...

... each named for a number from one, of course, to ten. These knights were the strongest, bravest, and smartest warriors in the kingdom.

One day, the princess's favourite necklace went missing. The king was outraged, as he himself had given the necklace to his daughter for her birthday. He c...

Loyal Guards

Kim Jong-Un and Vladimir Putin were having a summit meeting at a 20-story building. During a break, the two leaders made a bet about the loyalty of their guards.

First, Putin called his guard Ivan into the room, opened the window and said, "Ivan, jump down."

Ivan replied in tears, "Mr....

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There once was a king who had a very promiscuous wife.

Having severe doubts on her, he decided to confirm his doubts by performing a test. He hid a tiny blade in his wife's vagina. A few days later, he inspected the penis of everyone inside the palace. And sure enough, there was a cut on everyone's penis, except for the king's minister. The king was dee...

My wife thinks it's hot that I'm so loyal to her.

I said her sister told me the exact opposite.

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Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a loyal Canadian ally, and an old bum walk into a bar. Who is served first?

The old bum. The other three don't exist.

Donald Trump dies and goes to hell

In 50 years, he comes to the devil and says: "I know I'm going to spend an eternity here. I would like to ask you for a favor. I miss my country, I miss the United States. Can I go back to Washington DC for 15 minutes? I will go to the nearest bar, drink some beer and have a little chat with the bar...

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There was a king with a beautiful virgin daughter

The king ruled a wealthy and massive kingdom, but he was obsessed with keeping his daughter a virgin. He had a device planted into her vagina that would chop off anything inserted into it.

He then called in his 3 best knights and told them that he would be off on a trip and that they would be...

A Doberman, German Shepherd, and Cat are sitting before God in the judgement hall

God looks at the Doberman and asks "Doberman, what did you believe in?"

The Doberman replies "I believed in being faithful and loyal to my master until the day I died."

God answers "Very well. You may come sit to my left side. Shepherd, what did you believe in?"

The Shepherd say...

Cats

Its true that dogs are loyal.

But cats dont tell the police where your drugs are hidden.

Lorraine is gone...

There was a guy and he had a girlfriend called Lorraine. She was very pretty and he liked her a lot.

One day he went to work to find that a new girl had started working there. Her name was Clearly, and she was absolutely gorgeous.

He began to like her and after a while it became obviou...

Three men attend a job interview to join the FBI.

The first man walked into the office, and the FBI agent who was conducting the interview explained: ‘To be in the FBI, you must be loyal, dedicated and willing to obey orders. Here’s the scenario: your wife is sitting on a chair in the next room, and I want you to go in there and shoot her with this...

Adultery and grains of rice

In a European country, in the 1930's, a man and a woman just got married. As they want to avoid any argument, they decide to ignore any cheating. But, as a confession, each time they have an affair, they have to put a grain of rice into a box. The two boxes would be opened in their old days.

...

Three devout nuns were summoned into the priest office one day.

He told them “You have been loyal to the Lord and our church. Because of this, I am granting you permission to go out and sin one time. At the end of the day come back, confess your sin, bathe in holy water, and you will be forgiven.”
At the end of the day the three nuns returned. The priest...

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An old Russian man is at his dying wife's bedside.

The doctor on visit to their apartment looks her over and says, "I'm terribly sorry, but the only way to save your wife is to have anal sex with her."

"I can't do it," says the man, "I'm a loyal Communist and have dutifully served my country. I fought the entire war and earned many medals, in...

A Manchester United fan, Liverpool fan and an Everton fan were caught drinking in Saudi Arabia....

An Everton fan, a Liverpool fan and a Manchester United fan were all in Saudi Arabia drinking a smuggled crate of booze.

All of a sudden Saudi police rushed in and arrested them.

For their punishment the Saudi Arabia Sheik decided that the punishment should be 20 lashes with a whip....

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At the height of WWII on the Eastern front, a high-level meeting takes place in the Kremlin between Stalin and the marshals on the situation on their respective fronts.

When the meeting ends, Marshal Georgy Zhukov is the first one to step out. As he does so, he mutters under his breath "Fucking asshole with a mustache!" It just so happens that Stalin's secretary, Alexander Poskrebyshev hears this. So being a loyal servant to the cause, he reports it to his boss. St...

A guy is trying to sell his dog to a potential buyer:

\-Healthy?

\-Healthy!

\-Intelligent?

\-Intelligent!

\-Loyal?

\-The most! It's the 5th time I'm selling him.

3 men died and they come to gates of heaven...

St. Peter asks the first one: "How many times did you cheat your wife?"
The man says: " Many times, about 15"
St. Peter gives him keys of an old VW Golf IV and lets him into heaven
He asks the second man the same thing: "How many times did you cheat your wife?"
The second man says: " Onl...

Billy the ant scientist.

Once there was a mad scientist named Billy obsessed with experimenting on ants. For the this he earned the nickname "Ant billy" Billy ant" or "that weird ant dude" or variations there of and was generally considered a laughingstock of the town.

Determined to not be such a goddamn failure anym...

It's Judgment Day and three married men are sent to heaven

Three friends are standing in line waiting to be judged: Jim, Billy and Kevin.



Forward comes Jim and God tells him: "Jim, you've been loyal to your wife and never cheated". God gives Jim a brand new sports car and tells him to drive to heaven and off goes Jim.



Next com...

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Lee Smart was always a trouble maker throughout his life.

In school, Lee Smart was always getting in trouble. His friend, Isaac, always stuck by his side, though. They were always best friends.

Though Isaac was getting sick of Lee’s crap. Lee kept drinking and driving, he kept smoking Marijuana and snorting Cocaine. Isaac was so close to just leavi...

A man sells a dog.

The buyer asks, “Is he healthy?”

“My dog is very healthy,” the seller answers.

“Is he smart?”

“My dog is very smart.”

“Is he loyal?”

“Yes, my dog is extremely loyal! I’m selling him for the fifth time already.”

Two guys were talking about pets

"Yeah, so I have a couple of cats and a chihuahua. What about you, Flynn?"

Flynn looked at the man with a look of both pain and peace. "Well, Danny... I had a dog once."

Daniel sympathetically responded. "What happened?"

Flynn let out a quiet sigh. "It's a long story."

Da...

Don’t know if this is a repost but here we go.

Three men die and arrive at the pearly white gates of heaven. St. Paul says, “Depending on how loyal you were to your wife you will be awarded a vehicle.” The first man steps up and says, “I have been with my wife for 15 years and I cheated on her 4 times.” So doing what he said, St. Paul gives him ...

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Do you have what it takes?

The CIA had an open position for a true loyal agent who would follow orders without question. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were completed, they had narrowed the field down to 3 possible agents.

For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large meta...

Cheating husband dies and makes it to the pearly gates.

St Peter looks at him and says "You were unfaithful to your wife 28 times. Don't worry, you'll be accepted in -- only you won't get a brand new car like those who were more loyal in their marriage"

Confused the man asks "I get a car though?"

St Peter replies "Of course. Everyone needs ...

Two men are walking their dogs (a doberman and a chihuahua) when they see a restaurant.

They're pretty hungry, do they decide to head in for a bite to eat. Unfortunately, they see a sign out front that says "NO DOGS ALLOWED".

The man with the doberman says "I know what to do, just follow my lead." He throws on a pair of sunglasses and walks in.

The waiter tells him "I'm ...

There's a reason they call it "March Madness".

A Duke fan, a Kentucky fan, and a Tennessee fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves their team the most.

The Tennessee fan insists that he is the most loyal and then yells “This is for the Vols!” and jumps off the mountain.

Not to be outdone, the UK fan next professes h...

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Three men go before the Queen to be rewarded for their service.

Three British soldiers gruesomely wounded in Afghanistan meet the Queen, who wishes to reward them for their loyal service.

The first soldier is in a wheelchair. He has very long arms. The Queen takes one look at him and says "Measure this man from fingertip to fingertip and pay him 1,000 po...

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O Dick NSFW, Long

A recently married soldier was coming up on the end of his leave. Although things between him and his new wife were wonderful, he worried about her loyalty while he was gone. Resolved to find her something that would occupy her time and satisfy her until he could return home, the man went into a nea...

Cats and Dogs

God was relieving St. Peter at the Pearly Gates one day when 2 dogs and a cat arrived.

God said to the first dog, a labrador, "Why should I allow you into heaven ?"

The dog replied "I was a loyal dog to my master and I drowned after I had saved his baby son in a flood"

"Excellen...

A string is walking home from work one Friday evening after a long week at work.

And so the string decides that he shall stop at his favorite Pub and treat himself to a pint before going home to the wife. But after a decent walk he arrives at the pub to find a new sign on the door that reads " No Strings Allowed".

The string becomes infuriated. "How dare they" he thinks t...

My boss came to work with a new Ferrari

“Nice car, boss!” I complimented

“If you work harder with conviction,stay committed and loyal to the company, I would be able to get another one soon” the boss replied

Barack, Hillary and Donald are standing in front of the throne of heaven...

Almighty God looks at them and says, “Before granting you a place at my side, I want to ask you what you have learned and what you believe in.”



God asks Barack first: “Son, What do you believe in?”



Obama thinks long and hard, looks God straight in the eye, and says, “I ...

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Once upon a time there lived a king and his nymphomaniac queen

King wasn't into sex but the queen has the burning desire to get f**ked in a hard way. She started to release herself by having sex with all the royal guards one at a time. Few days later king got wind of this news and was furious. He drugged his queen and with help of royal surgeon he implanted her...

Women say all men are dogs

but fail to realize that dogs are the most loyal creatures in the world if you treat them right.

So God creates Adam...

...and soon after he notices that Adam is lonely.

God says "Do not fear, my child. For I will create a partner to accompany you and man from this time forth. She will be known, as a woman."

God continues "She will be obedient, loyal, passionate and nurturing."

Adam hesitates..<...

The Lone Ranger

THE LONE RANGER WAS AMBUSHED AND CAPTURED  ... !!!

The  Lone  Ranger  was ambushed and captured by a  hostile Indian War Party.

The Indian Chief proclaimed, 

 "So, YOU  are the great Lone Ranger...

In honour of the Buffalo Hunt, YOU will be sacrificed in three days."
<...

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"A razor up the queen's vagina"

In a kingdom far far away, there lived a king and a queen. The king was always under the suspicion that the queen might be cheating on him with some of the knights of his court.

One day, he needed to go to the neighbouring kingdom to meet with the king who ruled over there. Before setting of...

My neighborhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs

I was really shocked, because I've been his loyal customer for 6 years and I had no idea he was a barber

The Obedient Wife

There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, but was very stingy.

Just before he died, he said to his wife..."When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."

And so he got his w...

My wife came home from work and stormed angrily into the bedroom where I was sat.

"I get the impression you aren't being loyal to me," she said.

"Why?" I frowned.

"You've been very quiet recently. And you're always hanging around with that girl from work, Rachel?"

"Rochelle." coughed a voice from the wardrobe.

An old man is on his death bed...

An old man is on his death bed, and his family has come in from all over the country to be with him in his final hours.

He opens his eyes, and says "Is Ruthie here? My beautiful, loyal wife?"

"Oh yes, my handsome prince! I'm right here!" Ruthie replies

He continues, "...and wha...

The Cow Did

So on an Irish farm they had a cow.

This cow was the only means of survival for the farmer and his family.

One day the farmer goes out to feed the cow and the cow was dead.

The farmer was so distraught he hung himself in the barn.

The farmer's wife comes out and sees th...

[Long] Since you guys liked the last one, here's another joke from my country

In a far away kingdom, the king got married to a beautiful wife. After being married to her for a year, the king started to worry that his beautiful wife might be sleeping around.

So he got a blacksmith to build a device to fit in her ladyparts which will dice anything that goes in. He manag...

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A King was going to war

A King was going to war but was worried about his beautiful Queen who was horny all the time.

Days prior to the war, he summoned the Royal Inventor and told him to design a chastity belt that will chop off any penis that got near her royal parts.

The Royal Inventor succeeded and the ...

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Jesus on the cross..

After a brutal and tough day carrying the cross up Golgatha, the Romans nailed Jesus with no remorse to the heavy wooden structure. Golgatha was a grand hill, and as the cross was raised Jesus looked down upon all those gathered before him.

He saw his wonderful mother Mary.
He saw gods chi...

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This morning I had a job interview

It was for an upper management job, so they started directly with the tough trick questions:

"For your CFO post, you have to choose between three assistants. We asked them what would they do if they caught you committing embezzlement and fraud, and these were their answers:

1 - "My loy...

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Three men are standing at the pearly gates.

Jesus says, "Congratulations, you've all made it to heaven. However, God decided to replace the stairway to heaven with a 100-mile highway. How loyal you were to your spouse in your life decides the quality of the vehicle you get."

The first man walks up to Jesus. He says, "I was completely l...

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The King of the Jungle [long] [nsfw]

The lion, the king of the jungle, once summoned all the animals to celebrate his new born child. Sure enough all the animals showed up and gazed with awe upon the famous lion's rock.

The lion roared fiercly and all animals awaited silently the big announcement of their king. After a brief mom...

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A woman posts an ad in the paper looking for a patner

In the ad, the woman stats that the man has to be loving, loyal, and good in bed. After 2 weeks of no one responding to the ad she starts to lose hope of ever finding a lover. The next day her doorbell bell rings, the woman opens the door to see a man with no arms and no legs on her porch. The man h...

There's a church running out of funding

Because their beliefs aren't popular anymore. They're very conservative, and the members are very loyal. There isn't another church like them in any nearby town, and they don't want to let their members down. The church is run by friars sworn to be completely devout to the church and work nowhere el...

A boxer loses his sight in a freak accident.

Not being able to compete again, all he can do now is training with his loyal training partner and hitting the bag. Since he can’t see, he is required to remember and move only a certain amount of steps (both forward and backwards) to keep the distance. Suddenly his partner stops the session and the...

A king gets murdered in his sleep...

Two of his most loyal servants found the body, with a sword in the king's chest. One the servants turns to the other and says "Wow, he must have had a bad knight."

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The Shah and the Vizier

Once upon a time there was a Shah and his vizier. The Shah didn't like his vizier as the vizier was a smart-ass and the Shah was looking for a way to kick him out of his palace. One day he told the vizier to make him a kebab with male ants.

"I want to know for certain that those ants are male...

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An English man, An Irish man and a Scotish man.

An English man, An Irish man, and a Scotish man are sick to death for working on the same building site for years now.
The English man Says "Here look at this" pointing at a newspaper ad "Join the Secret service today."
"not very Secret then," says the Irish man.
"no ya goon it's like a Sec...

A woman was about to go into labor...

when the doctor revealed a revolutionary new device that could transfer some of the pain of childbirth to the father.

The woman's husband, being the nice, loyal guy he is, decided to man up and take some of the pain for his wife. The doctor started at 20%.
20% of the pain was transferred...

A girl had taken singing lessons from a famous teacher.

He was present at her recital, and after it was over she was anxious to know his reaction.

He didn't come back to congratulate her, and so she asked a friend, "What did he say?"

Her loyal friend answered, "He said that you sang heavenly."

She couldn't quite believe that her tea...

An engineer dies...

An engineer dies and stands before St. Peter at the gates of heaven. After going through all his records, St. Peter finds that the man must go to hell. The engineer complains, as he's always been loyal to his wife and friends, never stolen, and always tried to lead a good life.

"I'll take i...

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It’s really misogynistic and hurtful to call women bitches, because bitches are female dogs and...

Dogs are loyal

A young woman accidentally summons a genie.

"What is your wish?" asked the genie.

"World peace!" blurted the idealistic but naive young woman.

"People give me that all the time. I am not that powerful. Sorry. Wish something less powerful." replied the genie.

"This dog is very loyal and loves me. Turn him into a man so he ...

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So the Pope visits Queen Elizabeth II and she says

"Watch Francis! With a wave of my hand I can make every loyal subject go completly hysterical." So she waves her hand and every loyal subject goes completly apeshit.

Then Pope Francis tells her "Well Elizabeth with a wave of my hand, I can give every Irishman and Scotsman eternal joy." To whi...

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A man is set to marry the love of his life

But during the planning process, he noticed that his soon to be mother-in-law, who was very attractive, seemed to be flirting with him. He quickly dismisses this idea and sums it up to the stress causing him to think too deeply about the situation.

At the rehearsal, she pulled him aside and ...

Important safety warning:

An ancient Babylonian general was once involved in a plot to overthrow the king. His plot included a number of followers in the upper ranks of the army. However, his plot was uncovered, and the king threw him in jail. The king sentenced him to death without a trial.

However, from the jail he ...

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A joke my friend told me (translated to English)

So there was this army general whose wife was cheating on him with his men. So the general decided to punish those that had sex with his wife, and to reward those that didn't.

The general placed a small needle in his wife's vagina. On the next day, he walked into the room with his men and he...

Why do S and U feel comfortable sharing intimate details to the one next to them?

Because that's where loyal T lies.

Benny the Bare Faced Viking

Benny was your typical Viking..
Strong, tall, courageous, he was the ideal viking in every way, except for one..
See Benny couldn't grow a beard, for all his 30 winters on Earth, he still had just as smooth a face as the day he was born.
This bothered Benny, because when he was out pillag...

Disillusioned with the Republican Party, Donald Trump gets inspired...

Disillusioned with the Republican party, Trump wakes up one day with an idea. Summoning Mike Pence to his office, he lays out his vision.

"Mike, the Republican Party is a relic of the past. We need to start fresh with a brand new party of loyal Americans."

"That's brilliant sir, but wh...

During a huge storm, a man's city calls for an emergency evacuation

As his neighbors are driving away, they offer him a seat in their minivan. He says, "No thank you. I believe in God, and God will protect me from this storm."

The flood waters start to rise and the man is standing on his balcony. A family in a fishing boat come by and offer a space on their b...

Elderly Woman and Her Cat

An elderly woman sitting on her porch, petting her beloved cat. A genie walks up her sidewalk. "Ma'am, you have lived a happy and simple life, I wish to grant you three wishes."

The woman smiles, "Oh, I have to think, well, I would like to be 18 again." The genie nods his head and she transf...

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The king of england had a beautiful wife..

The king of England had a beautiful wife who he loved, but the king was needed to command his armies in a far away land. The king knew that he would be gone for months and did not trust any of the men around not to have sex with his wife. The king ordered Tybalt to meet with him.

"Tybalt, you...

North Korea

Kim Jong Il and Vladimir Putin are having a summit meeting in Moscow. During a break, they’re bored, and they decide to take a bet to see whose bodyguards are more loyal. Putin is on the 20th floor and calls on his bodyguard Ivan, opens the window, and says: “Ivan, jump!” Sobbing, Ivan says: “Mr. Pr...

Three Army Lieutenants have to cross a river for infantry training.

The first one prays to God and says "Lord give me the strength to cross this river." There is a flash of light and he is granted stronger arms to swim.

The second one says "Lord give me the endurance to cross this river." Another flash of light and he is granted strong lungs to help him swim....

John the employee

John, a very experienced employee, was once having a drink with his boss, and found it a great opportunity to discuss a subject he has always been thinking about.

"Can I get a raise in salary?" John gently asked.

After a moment of thinking, the boss replied: "Of course! No one could re...

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I went to meet my fiancé's family...

I had just become engaged to a wonderful young woman, and to mark the occasion, she wanted me to meet her entire family all at once. Now, I had spent time around her parents once or twice before, but this would be the first time that I'd ever encountered any of her siblings, and this was apparently ...

The Greatest Pig...

A man was visiting his worldly uncle on his farm, when a pig in a wheeled cart trotted past him, missing its two hind legs. He leaned over to his uncle and asked "Uncle, what happened to that pig in the wheelchair?"

The uncle takes a deep draw of his pipe and points to the pig. "I owe that pi...

So Adam was lonely.

God asked Adam, "What's wrong?"
Adam replied, "I'm lonely."
So God said, "Adam, I will make you a partner. She will wash and cook and clean for you; she will listen to what you have to say and never interrupt you. She won't nag you about your actions and she will even bear your children. She w...

I like my men, like how I like my dogs.

Loyal, easy to look after and always licks me.

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I talked to a homeless man this morning and asked him how he ended up this way.

He said, "Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had TV and Internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library. I had lots of loyal friends. I had sex almost every day.
I was working on my MBA on-line. ...

Dogs vs Girlfriends

If you ever want to see who is more loyal, your dog or your girlfriend, just take both of them in their sleep and put them in the trunk of your car. Drive around for a couple of hours, park, open the trunk, and see which one will be happy to see you.

The King and the Thrones

Once there was a king- his kingdom was made up of houses made from the hay, mud and reinforced by waterproof grass fronds from the riverbanks. The king, naturally, had the biggest house, his being the only one in the kingdom to have two floors; a tricky bit of engineering for an all natural structur...

A scientist travels back in time to ancient Babylonia to see the beauty of the Hanging gardens...

...after trying to impress the King by demonstrating magnetism between his crown and a magnet, he finds himself in big trouble.

In court, the people are mixed about what his punishment should be. Some see him as a valuable ally while others see him as a dangerous threat. The kind and generous...

The Purina Diet

Yesterday I was at Costco buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Necco, the Wonder Dog, which weighs 191 lbs.

I was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had..an elephant?

So because I'm retired and have litt...

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Lenny is a righteous man who devotes his life to charity work ...

Every week, he prays to god that he should win the lottery. "god, I don't desire much and I do your work on this earth, but I've never enjoyed the material things--a large house, fast car, steak dinners, that deep down I want to enjoy.

Finally one week Lenny breaks down and says during his w...

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An archeologist is riding through the desert

[Another great joke from German comedian Otto Waalkes]

An archeologist is riding through the desert on his loyal horse Wallah, when he hears a voice.

*get off*

...

*get off*

He gets off his horse and looks around. He doesn't see anyone.

Then he hears it agai...

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A man gets into a fight with his wife. (Put together terribly)

They live right on the coast of California, the man gets kicked out of his house by his wife so he goes for a walk along the beach. The man suddenly stops when he hears this loud booming voice.

Terry(Thats his name from now on) I see you have gotten into quite the fight with your wife, its tr...

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Infinity loop

a woman walks into her hypnotherapists office and says " Doctor, I have been loyal to my husband for 12 years but, last night I broke that loyalty and had an affair. I just want you to make me forget it happened". The Doctor said " Not again"

Originally an Arabic joke!

A small town had one pharmacy until another opened across from the old one. A guy walks in the new pharmacy and asks the pharmacists for some Aspirin the pharmacist hands him one giant tablet, the man asks, “How is this supposed to help? It’s not gonna kill me?” The pharmacist says “Oh no, you see, ...

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A older woman decides to look for love

So she decides to use a dating service on the internet. In her requirements she listed the following three things:

1) Must not be abusive
2) Must be loyal
3) Must have a long penis

The woman began getting responses and was not happy with any of them. Nothing but sleazy men resp...

Three men died and went to heaven...

... and met St. Peter at the pearly gates, who was explaining a new reward system to the newcomers. Each person who made it to heaven would receive a vehicle, the quality of which would be determined by how faithful they were to their spouses on Earth. The first man had his fair share of adulterous ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Look what the wind blew off!

A soldier and his longtime girlfriend had just gotten married and were enjoying their honeymoon in a romantic oasis; both were virgins and had waited years for their consummation. As they were about the make love he was contacted by the army who said World War II had just begun and he had to be depl...

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