An elderly, but hardy cattleman from Texas once told a young female neighbor...
....if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on her oatmeal each morning.
She did this religiously and lived to the age of 103.
She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 21 great-grandchildren, five great-great-grandchildren and a 40...
Tom Hardy goes to a movie theater
Tom Hardy goes to a movie theater to rewatch his movie - the Dark Knight Rises. To avoid being recognized on the street, he rushes into the theater, forgetting to wear his mask. Before he gets far, one of the theater employees stops him. Tom thinks it’s one of his fans asking for an autograph but to...
'Hardy's, Bitter, Fosters, Strongbow'
Daft Punk ordering a round at the bar
Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tom Hardy, and Owen Wilson dressed up as musicians for a party.
Tom Hardy said, "I'll be Beethoven."
Owen Wilson said, "I'll be Mozart."
Arnold Schwarzenegger said, "I'll be Bach."
In the end, the tribe of cannibals caught the Hardy Boys.
That night, they had mystery meat.
What do pirates say when they wake up in the morning
What the sidekick to resting on one’s Laurel?
Resting on one’s Hardy
Once, there was a sailor. The captain welcomed him aboard as a new crew member...
The Sailor was just settling in when he noticed that there were no female sailors. He was a hardy young man whole needed his fill of beer, bacon, and most of all women...
So the sailor went to the captain and asked him, "Captain, there are no women aboard, and i am a man who needs lots of wom...
“My husband can do the work of two men."
"Unfortunately those men are Laurel and Hardy.”
(Source - Jo Brand)
When Karl Marx was a young philosophy student, he took it upon himself to travel across the country to see the wide world and learn all that he could to develop his theories.
Hither and thither he would ride across the German countryside, in his little pony-cart pulled by a pair of strong, hardy donkeys, meeting people, studying their lives and professions, and seeking to understand the world.
A time came when he was high in the German mountains. Snow was thick ...
Two Little Boys
After a hardy rainstorm filled all the potholes in the streets and alleys, a young mother watched her two little boys playing in the puddle through her kitchen window.
The older of the two, a five year old lad, grabbed his sibling by the back of his head and shoved his face into the water hol...
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It took us ages to get this joke... Want to have a go?
So the theme for my [House Warming Party](http://i.imgur.com/TaE9k.jpg) was "Puns" and everyone came dressed as a pun. I sewed boxes of smarties to my pants (hardy har har). [This guy](http://imgur.com/a/yWeqt#0) arguably had the hardest one to guess. Those are sprigs of thyme. They're in white ...
For as long as I can remember, I've had a thing about pigeons.
I think they're fascinating creatures, robust, hardy birds that thrive the world over yet can live on just breadcrumbs and worms.
It was 'pigeon this' and 'pigeon that' as a child, my mom used to joke that I'd BE a pigeon if I could.
It was a bit of a struggle maintaining relationsh...
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Two guys sitting in an airport lounge
The first guy laments how he totally embarrassed himself earlier that day. "I was flying into Pittsburgh and when I went to the ticket counter, I couldn't stop looking at the prodigious bosom of the ticket lady. What I meant to say was 'I need a ticket to Pittsburgh....what came out was 'I need a ti...