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Tory Jokes

Three contractors bid to fix a fence at 10 Downing Street...

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at 10 Downing Street. One is from up North another is from Poland, and the third is a Tory Party Donor. All three go with a Tory Party official to examine the fence.

The contractor from up north takes out a tape measure and does some measuri...

My friend said to me 'The Tory party is just cuts after cuts after cuts!'...

... I told him 'You're one letter off.'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Prime Minister visits a school

The Prime Minister was visiting a Glasgow primary school and the class was in the middle of a discussion about words and their meanings.

The teacher asked The Prime Minister if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'Tragedy'.
So the the prime minister asked the class if they cou...

What sort of exercise does a tory do?

They run this country into the ground

Operation Tory

A Tory MP woke up in hospital after a serious operation and found that the curtains around him were drawn. He called for a nurse and asked "why are the curtains closed, Is it night"?
The nurse replied "No it's just that there's a fire across the street and we didn't want you to think the operat...

My brother made this one!

What’s a snake’s favourite subject at school?
Hisssss-tory!

Although some do enjoy maths too… especially the adding!

Buckingham Palace say the Queen will interrupt her annual stay in Balmoral in Scotland to hold an audience with the incoming new prime minister.

Creaking a bit, with limited mobility, but still doggedly in charge, the Tory party gets its new leader on September 5th.

She was a Corbynite Labour activist, and he was a tenth-generation Tory

But in spite of their political differences, they found each other irresistible, and after a whirlwind romance, they arranged the wedding for a romantic day in the run-up to Christmas.

As it turned out, there was a surprise call for a General Election and their mid-week wedding day coincided ...

Yesterday, UK protesters tore down monuments of Boris Johnson and Theresa May

Lawyers assume that they will be charged for a statue-tory crime

He was a dyed-in-the-wool Tory and she was a militant Labour radical, but they fell madly in love anyway.

And after a whirlwind romance they tied the nuptial knot at a dream wedding. Unfortunately, in the car from the reception to the honeymoon hotel, they unwisely started talking about politics, and the talk escalated into an argument and then a blazing row, and by the time they had checked into the ro...

At the laboratory, what did they name their first experimental subject?

Lab rat Tory

We had a mandatory meeting at work today

Tory and Amanda weren't even there!!!!

Hens were often used in the Revolutionary War to identify colonists that were loyal to the Crown.

You never learned about chicken-catch-a-Tory?

My son came up with this joke today. What do you call it when you're counting stock at a Ducati dealership?

Vin-vin-tory

What do you call a Conservative MP who can actually calm things down?

An anti-inflamaTory.

Paul Revere’s Chicken (OC)

Paul Revere has a chicken named Gallo. When the American Revolution was well underway, he spent several nights training the chicken secretly in his barn. When he finally felt Gallo was ready, he brought it with him to the Sons of Liberty. At first, they laughed.

“Well, now, laugh if you want,...

Liam Gallagher, lead singer of Oasis, decides to learn the politics of his home country. So he goes up to Noel and asks-

"What's a Tory, (Morning Glory), weeeelllll??"

For someone who's name is Amanda Victoria

A nickname is Manda Tory

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