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Gigs Jokes

My band is called 999 megabytes. We don't have any gigs.

lol

Why did the cannibal comedian hate playing gigs at retirement communities?

Tough crowd.

Pearl Jam have had to cancel some gigs in Europe after Eddie Vedder experienced some issues with his throat.

The band tried to source a temporary replacement vocalist, but they can’t find a better man.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One ejaculation contains over 15000 gigs of DNA. So what does that make pornstars?

Fucking genuises

Had to quit my band after nobody came to any of our gigs.

Going to miss the boys from "Private Function".

When Daft Punk started wearing robot masks, their manager sent them out on the road to see if people at gigs could tell who they were.

It was called The Touring Test.

What Ricky Gervais said after taking some digs at fat people at a show

"I don't want fat people to feel uncomfortable at my gigs. So next time, buy two seats"

In early The Who gigs their drummer would sometimes go on stage dressed in nothing but a layer of blue paint. However, he didn't do it too often.

In fact, it would only happen once in a blue Moon.

When I was younger...

I used to be in a bar band called Terabytes.


We had thousands of gigs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I bought a chilli dog and a thumb drive at a gas station...

Ya know, for shits and gigs.

Why the musician sold his computer...

Not enough gigs.

I used to perform in a backup group.

We were called "The Plumbers". Most of our gigs were in kitchens and bathrooms.

Being an aspiring musician is like getting a contract with Verizon.

10 gigs for $80 a month

My wife stopped me on the way out the door with my viola case in hand.

Wife: Where do you think you're going?

Me: I got a gig.

Wife: A gig? I thought all your gigs got cancelled?

Me: I got a new one.

Wife: Who hires a violist when we're all quarantined?

Me: The health department. They want me to walk down the street playing my viola ...

A dog, a pig, and a horse are in a band (Worth the read)

They are relatively unknown, and are struggling to become popular. They play gig after gig but cannot seem to break through. The horse soon falls into despair, and resorts to doing drugs. He is kicked out of the band, and right after he leaves the band hits it big. Contract labels are starting to pa...

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