Harpoon Jokes - 19 Hilarious Harpoon Jokes

A physicist got stabbed in the chest with a harpoon

His last words were, “This is normal to me”

What does a mansplainer do with a harpoon?

Whale, actually

How do Reavers clean their harpoons?

They put them through the Wash.

What’s a whaler’s favorite part of a woman?

Harpoon

I visited the wailing wall the other day...

standing there like an idiot with my harpoon.

Yo mama's so fat...

...whales harpooned her.

What's three feet tall and can't turn around in a hallway?

A toddler with a harpoon in it's throat.

So I was in the movie theatre...

and I was watching an incredibly sad film. So sad that the man behind me started wailing, then he hit me in the head with a harpoon.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once, I met a pirate with a peg leg, a hook hand, and an eye patch

I asked him "What happened to your leg?"

"Arr," he responded, "One day I was in a battle at sea and a cannon ball blew my leg right off. I cut the throat of the man who fired the shot though."

"That sounds awful. What happened to your hand?"

"Arr, one day at sea I was knocked of...

The Pope, the Packers & the Vikings

On a tour of Texas, the Pope took a couple of days off to visit the coast for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the beach in the pope-mobile when he heard a frantic commotion just off shore. A helpless man wearing a Green Bay Packer jersey was struggling frantically to free himself from the ja...

What is the funniest thing to get hit by?

A har harpoon

How do you save a baby from drowing in the ocean?

Harpoon it.

Your Best 007 Impression

I had to shoot an assassin with a harpoon last week.

I think he - got the point.

I wanted to take yo mama out,

but I didn't have a harpoon.

I went to the cinema to see a really, really sad film.

The guy behind me was just wailing. Half way through, a harpoon hit the back of my head.

What is black and white and red and brown and silver and can't turn around in an elevator?

A nun with a harpoon through her head.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs...

...on your front step? Matt
...in a pot? Stu
...in a pan? Fry
...floating in the ocean? Bob
...bouncing on the highway? Skip
...hanging on a wall? Art
...that's been harpooned? Pierce
...lying face down in prison? Fucked

Little Johnny was sitting in Geometry class

The teacher asks the class: "If a whale is swimming in the ocean at 314 miles per hour and the ocean impales it with a harpoon, what is the mass of the whale?"

Little Johnny raises his hand and says "That's impossible! What do you mean the ocean impaled it?"

"Well, it doesn't r...

An Irish Whaler (Long)

There was once an Irish whaler. Like Ahab, he had a particular nemesis whom he had hunted most of his life. Old and gnarled, he declared one more quest to vanquish his foe before descending into his Mother Earth.

Unlike Ahab however, revenge was not his only motive. This particular whale a...

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