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A man and a woman get married in Arkansas

They have a big wedding with both their family's in attendance. They say their vows and ride off in a car on their way to their honeymoon. They get on a plane and fly to Cancun, booking a hotel for their stay. They prepare to spend the night consummating their love for one another, but then the woma...

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An all boys high school teacher was doing the attendance roll call one morning

She went through the list of names and each student replied, “Yes miss” as their name was called.

“James?”

“Yes miss,” replied James.

“Is Robert here?”

“Yes miss,” replied Robert.

“Jack?”

After about 5 seconds of silence, Jack hadn’t replied.

The teac...

A young artist exhibits his work for the first time...

... and a well known art critic is in attendance.

The critic says to the young artist, "would you like my opinion on your work?"

"Yes, " says the artist.

"It's worthless," says the critic

The artist replies, "I know, but tell me anyway."

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A crusty old Marine Corps Colonel found himself at a gala event downtown, hosted by a local liberal arts college.

There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Colonel for conversation.

She said, "Excuse me, sir, but you seem to be a very serious man. Are you this way all the time, or is something bothering you?"
"No," the Colonel said, "just ser...

Everyone is talking about how the inaugural attendance was 1/40 of what it was in 2009...

They don't understand how killer the commute from Moscow is.

Teacher: alright time for attendance. Is X Æ A-12 here?

**X Æ A-12:** present

**Teacher:** okay and how about... umm... achhh-med???

**Ahmed:** -__-

Attendance at my monthly introvert meetup is it an all time high...

It's just that I feel like we're attracting the wrong crowd.

WNBA announces plan to play abbreviated 22-game season in Florida beginning in late July without fans in attendance.

Come on. Do I even have to type the punchline for this one?

Elsa got an award for perfect attendance

Because a cold never bothered her anyway

Mandatory Attendance

A drunkard walking on the street, is approached by the police at 3:00 AM.


The policeman asks: "Where are you going at this hour?"


The drunkard answers:
"I am going to attend a conference on alcohol abuse and the lethal effects on the body, the bad example it creates on chi...

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A teacher was taking attendance

She noticed one student was missing and marked him absent. She continues on with her lesson until, about a half hour in, the student walks in. She says to him, “You’re late.” He says nothing and instead pulls out a clock, “No,” he says and proceeds to sit on the clock, “I’m right on time.”

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A man with perfect work attendance calls in sick one day...

His boss is really worried about him, as he'd never missed a day of work in 15 years. So he gets in his car and drives over to his house to make sure he's okay.

He knocks, but there's no answer. He puts his ear to the door and hears moaning. "Oh no! He's dying!" the boss says. He busts in the...

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A failing zoo was desperate to drive attendance.

After much discussion, they finally purchased a gnu from Africa.

In anticipation of its arrival, the zoo built a new exhibit for the hard-to-obtain animal. It was a beautiful indoor/outdoor enclosure and contractors worked diligently to meet the deadline of the animal’s arrival.

Unfort...

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