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Sneakers Jokes

What kind of sneakers do kidnappers wear?

White Vans.

Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them

The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them.

The first guy drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on.

The second guy says, “What are you doing? Sneakers won’t help you outrun that bear.”

“I don’t need to outrun the bear...

I just bought some sneakers from my drug dealer

I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day.

I'm thinking of buying some Velcro strips for my sneakers, and getting rid of the laces.

I mean, why knot?

Did you hear about the guy who can talk to sneakers?

He converses with them

True Story that is also a joke. (It really is true.)

I was doing tourist stuff in New Orleans one summer and had gone down to the waterfront. I was sitting on a bench looking out at the water when a guy came up to me and offered me a bet. He said, "I bet you $5 I can tell you where you got your shoes."

I was from several states away so I figure...

Why do elephants wear red sneakers?

To hide in cherry trees.

You don't get it?

Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?

No? See it works.

what do rappers use to keep their sneakers so white?

**bleeatch!**

ok, first, it's not my joke, and second, it doesn't have the same effect in print, context needed;

My ex-gf was meeting my family for the first time, she was nervous, so decided to tell some 'sweet jokes' at dinner.. imagine this coming from a cute 5ft ginger girl, co...

Why were the sneakers so sad?

Because they had ten issues.

What do Germans call Micheal Jordans sneakers?

Herr Jordan's AirJordans

What do jazz musicians and sneakers have in common?

They put their soul on the track.

I was in a shoe shop today trying out a new pair of sneakers

I said to the assistant, ‘It’s too tight’.

She said, ‘Try it with the tongue out.’

I said, ‘It’th nho ghood, it’th thtill thoo thigh!’

I was trying on my new sneakers my husband bought me the other day...

Me: But, do they make my feet look big??

5-year old son: If I was your husband I’d say no. But yes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A wheelchair user rides towards a bar.

On his way in he notices a man stood by the door smoking a cig.

The wheelchair user looks at the smoker and says "you do know that there is no reason for doing that at all. It won't make you feel better. It won't help you to fit in. It won't make you look cool."

"Really" says the smoke...

The person who took my sneakers while I was on the jumpy castle at McDonald's

Please grow up.

If I glued dollar bills to my sneakers, what would you call them?

Cashews

I ordered a pair of sneakers from an online shopping site and found it to be defective.

Is that an e-shoe?

There is a clerk at the butcher shop. He is 5'10" and wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weight?

Meat.

What do you call two ninjas?

A pair of sneakers

Two Men on a Camping Trip See a Bear Heading In Their Direction.

The first guy starts to panic, while the second guy calmly begins to lace up his sneakers.

First guy: "Are you crazy? You can't outrun that bear."

Second guy: "No, but I can outrun you."

Americans have a strange dialect.

It's all "sneakers" instead of "trainers"...

... and "sweater" instead of "jumper"...

... and "shooting range" instead of "high school"...

Mac the sailor docked at New York after a frustrating three-month voyage. Unfortunately he'd lost most of his pay playing poker on board ship, so when he eventually found a lady of the night, all he could offer her was $0.50 and a pair of sneakers.

She refused with disdain.

He wandered around in search of a more accommodating girl, but was refused time and time again. Eventually he found a more sympathetic lady who told him that although she could not possibly accept his offer herself, he could always try Mabel down the road. But she wa...

I was down in the sleazy part of town last night and saw this guy selling sneakers, he looked a bit like a druggy, but I bought a pair off him anyway

I don't know what he laced them with, but I have been tripping since.

FATHER'S DAY DAD JOKE: What kind of shoes does a ninja wear?

Sneakers

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman always has a visit from her lover while her husband is at work.

One day the nine-year-old son hides in the closet to watch what the two are doing ... Suddenly the husband comes home and the wife hides her lover in the closet.

The son whispers: "Dark in here ..."

The man: "Oh... it's you! Ehm... yes, you are right. It is dark in here."

The s...

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After 6+ years of me and my wife being together, she still gets mad whenever i use her toothbrush

So if anyone knows another way to remove dogshit from my sneakers id be happy to hear it

the day after halloween, a trick or treater knocked on my door.....

he was dressed in just red tights and a red spandex shirt, red sneakers, red hat.

i said to him, "sorry little buddy, halloween is over, i dont have anything for you today...what are you supposed to be anyway>?"

he said "im a period, sorry im late..scared ya didnt i?"


...

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Rabinovich, a Soviet trade official, is called to the Party meeting to be fired.

"Please, I have a family to feed," he begs the Party official.

"Okay," the partorg says, "You will go to Paris to sell Soviet perfume. If you get the contract, we will give you a bonus and let you stay."

So Rabinovich flies off to Paris. A week later, Moscow receives a telegram.
...

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Young boy sneaks into his parents room while the mother was with her lover...

And hides in the closet to peek


But, the husband suddenly returns from his job


Lover jumps in the closet and meets the boy


Boy: -Its dark here

Lover: -Yeah

B: - Wanna buy my ball?

L: -No

B: - My father is right outside...

L: -How m...

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A visual joke...

So a woman goes to the doctor and asks about options to augment her breasts. She doesn't want surgery, so that rules out implants.

The doctor suggests a new technology for her bra that uses the inflatable pump mechanism that was made popular with basketball sneakers. If she helps trial the pr...

What are the best shoes to wear for stealth purposes?

Sneakers made of hide.

A woman is in bed with her lover...

A woman is in bed with her lover when her nine year old son walks in and hides in the closet. Suddenly, the door opens and the woman's husband walks in, and she hides her lover in the closet not knowing her son is there.

"It's dark here" says the boy

"It sure is" says the lover

...

What item of clothing is essential for a spy?

Sneakers

How would you know who is a billionaire in a black tie event?

Look for the dude wearing a T-shirt, jeans and sneakers

Two men in the woods come across some bear tracks...

The first man takes off his boots and starts puttin on runnin sneakers.

The second man asks "do you really think you gonna outrun a bear?"

First man replies "I just gotta outrun you"

What do you call two men hiding inside a shoebox?

Sneakers

A man is taken to a hospital after an accident.

In the hospital, a doctor comes up to him and says:

- I have bad news and good news. Bad news is that we'll have to amputate your feet.

The man asks:

- And what's the good news?

The doctor replies:

- I'd buy your sneakers for $150.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 students at a high school get into trouble and are put on detention after school.

But instead of just sitting in a classroom they are tasked with helping the school Janitor clean the school basement.

So they set about clearing the basement. They find loads of old junk, which had accumulated over the 80 years the school had been open.

After about an hour of movi...

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My girlfriend and I have an intimate relationship, but she got upset when I was using her toothbrush.

So I just said 'Hey, if YOU have a better way to get dogshit out of sneakers...'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lose weight with this one weird trick!

Man goes to a fitness center, sees a sign on the door that says "Lose 5 pounds in one day! Only $10 to sign up!" So he pays ten dollars and enters. Inside there's an amazing attractive woman wearing nothing but running shoes and she says "If you catch me, you can have your way with me." The man chas...

Did you hear about the shoe store that was looted during the Ferguson riots ?

They took all the sneakers in the store but left all the work boots.

A man

A man is having dinner with his new girlfriend's family. They spend the early part of the evening talking, getting to know each other, and just generally having a good time.

After about an hour in however suddenly the father stops mid conversation, puts on some sneakers, and dashes around the...

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Answer

My fourteen-year-old son and I were lying on our backs on the grass in the park, watching the clouds loiter overhead, when he asked me, “Dad, why are we here?”

And this is what I said:

“I’ve thought a lot about it, son, and I don’t think it’s all that complicated. I think maybe we’re h...

Some Strange jokes. 0_0

Knock, knock. Who’s there? A scientist trying to find out what makes jokes funny.

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer. “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the oth...

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