UPJOKE
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A man who lived by the sea grew a cucumber so large he was able to turn it into his house. One day a bad storm flooded the area with seawater and damged his home.

Now heโ€™s in a pickle.

Did you hear the local concrete plant was flooded last week?

They're having a hard time moving inventory now.

A gypsy village was flooded

Superman came and started helping them, which resulted in no one being harmed.

When the last gypsy was saved, as Superman put him to the ground, the gypsy wanted to thank him, but he couldn't remember his name.

He sees a big "S" letter on his chest and said:

"Thank you, S...Sbat...

My wife and I had a huge argument because she accidentally flooded the kitchen

but we've sorted it now. It's all water under the fridge.

Today a large truck full of hair restoring tonic, overturned and flooded the street.

Police are combing the area.

A dam breaks and a city gets flooded

Everybody runs except for a priest who continues to pray in the church.A man with a car sees him and tells him to hop on. The priest replies "no thanks,God will save me."Time passes and the priest is knee deep in water.A guy in a boat sees him and also tells him to hop on.But the priest again declin...

An Egyptian farmer refuses to believe his fields had flooded...

He was in De Nile.

"The 12 boys stranded in a flooded cave system in Thailand have started diving lessons in the latest step in efforts to bring them out alive."

I think they've hired Neymar.

If the marijuana dispensary gets flooded...

...is that considered high water?

Told my dad that 12 boys from a junior football team are lost in a flooded cave in Thailand.

Dad: They should call a priest.

Me: Dad! They could still be alive.

Dad: Yes I believe that they are still alive as well, just toss a priest in the cave and he'll find those boys real quick.

I saw an old woman on the news who's house was flooded

She was standing there, knee deep in water, crying......and I thought that's not helping




Credit: Jimmy Carr

wife calls and says "i think the carburetor is flooded"

experienced husband starts from the top. "honey, where is the car?"

"at the bottom of the pool"

A small town has been flooded.

A man on a raft spots a priest, who has water up to his waist. The man says, "Quick father! Get on the raft before the water rises!" The priest says, "I appreciate your kind offer, but I am waiting for the lord to save me." Several minutes later, a boat spots the priest, who has water up to his shou...

The governor of Florida had enough

The governor of Florida had enough of the Florida jokes. It was affecting their tourism and he was always made fun of at the annual governor softball tournament. He sat in his office all day and thought of ways how to change this.

One day, the governor of Alabama called. It was a social call...

A small neighborhood was flooded...

...so much to the point that the rooftops were the only dry place. Vince and Frank were seated on one roof, waiting for rescue, when suddenly, out of one of the houses, they observe a floating hat.

It drifts over to a shed nearby and then drifts back to the front of the house. Bubbles started...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Katrina Hit me hard, Wrecked my house, threw all of my possessions around and flooded my basement,

But I still think those jeans made her look fat.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Miracles CAN Occur! NSFW

There's a city with a fierce storm and the flood waters threaten to rise.

A devout man goes outside and prays, "Dear Lord, please save me from this flood!"

A bus rolls up to the man and says, "Get in! I'm taking you to safety!"

The man says, "No. God will provide for me." And t...

A traffic cop pulls over a guy for speeding.

As he approaches the car dorr he asks the driver for his license and the cars papers. The driver awnsers: i dont got a license and the car is stolen.
The cop was baffled and uttered: are you serious?! The driver awnsers: i'm always serious after a few lines of blow up my nose dude...
The cop:...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

I participated in a joke writing competition on this sub three years ago.

The mods laid out 4 simple rules quite clearly:

1. For the following two days, all posts on this sub would be considered as entries for the competition.

2. The post with the most upvotes would be declared as the winner, i.e., the best joke. The number of upvotes until the end o...

An old woman wakes up one morning to find her town flooding..

The water has filled her first floor and is quickly rising, she looks out the upstairs window and sees 2 men in a row boat. They yell up to her to jump into the water and they will take her to safety. The woman yells back "No! God will provide." "Suit yourself!" the men say, and row away.

A f...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Insurance

Three men are sitting on a bench in their fancy retirement community in Florida
Steve says: "I started with a men's clothing shop and built the business into the finest department store in town. One day there was a fire and it destroyed everything. Since I was too old to begin again, I took the i...

I want to make a joke about hurricane Harvey

But I am scared my inbox will be flooded

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