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Rains Jokes

I was confused why there are so many stories about vampires in Europe, but not in Africa.

Then I remembered that vampires are killed by holy water.

They bless the rains down in Africa.

What's the difference between Donald Trump and a worm?

One of them is a slimy, loathsome creature incapable of complex thought, the other one actually shows up when it rains.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lady dwarf goes to her gynecologist for her annual check up.

"Any issues or concerns?", asks the Dr.

"Well, now that you mention it, I have noticed that when it rains, my labia gets a bit red and sore."

"That's very unusual", says the Doc, "Hop up on table and let me take a look."

She does, and after a few minutes of checking he says she ...

People asked me if it rains upside down in Australia.

I said: "Yes, but down here, we call it evaporation."

Since Vampires are supposedly hurt by holy water, I always wondered why priests don't just say a prayer over every storm cloud, kill the vampires from above. Then I realized why so many Vampires are from Europe...

Someone already blessed the rains down in Africa

A painter is employed to whitewash the local church. But he makes the mistake of thinning the paint down too much, so that it all washes away the first time it rains.

The minister rings the painter to complain. "What do you want me to do about it?" says the painter.

"Repaint," says the minister, "And thin no more."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two 70 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives.

When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day.

One day Mike says, "Joe, we both loved football all our lives, and we played football on Saturdays together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's football there...

Whenever it rains my girlfriend just stands at the window looking sad.

*Sometimes I even let her in.*

My wife thinks it’s weird that I Star through the window every time it rains or snows

Maybe one day she’ll let me in

i bless the rains down in

ah frick... uh... i forget the words guys

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mick buys himself a Harley Davidson…

Before he rides off on it, the dealer tells him that if it rains he should put vaseline on all of the chrome parts to preserve the look.

Mick takes his girlfriend to her parents’ house for dinner on the Harley. When they arrive, his girlfriend says that they do not speak at the dinner table d...

Why do mother kangaroos hate it when it rains?

Because the kids have to play inside

What happens when it rains cats and dogs?

You can step in a poodle.....

What Pokèmon blesses the rains down in Africa?

Totodile

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So there was this guys who just loved his bike very much, he'd just put vaseline on it everytime it rains.

His girlfriend told him that she wants him to meet the parents, but the one rule they have is that nobody speaks over dinner and who ever does must do the dishes.
So the man goes over there and everybody is silent so he just starts kissing and making out with his girl right on the dining table, h...

Why do cows huddle together when it rains?

To keep each udder dry


Courtesy of my significant other

Why do people carry umbrellas when it rains?

Because umbrellas can't walk. Ba'dum tssss

Did you hear about the Irishman who gets wet every time it rains?

Paddy O’ Furniture

A lawyer is at an airport and starts feeling really bored while waiting for his flight. He notices that he’s sitting next to a blonde woman.

She’s reading a book. He assumes that the woman is an idiot because she’s a blonde.

“Hey, I want to play a game. I’ll ask you a question, and then you ask me a question, and we’ll see who answers the most right.”

“Thanks but no thanks, I’m trying read this book.”

“How about this...

What do you get when it rains t-rexes?

A meat-eater shower

I was just telling my friend Michael Rains about my unfortunate allergy to my own grown barley

My grains give me migraines, Mike Rains

Democrats: "The rains are God crying about Trump's inauguration"....

Republicans: "The storms are why there was such low turnout."

Trump: "The showers remind me of when I was in Russia."

What kind of vegetable do people farm indoors after it rains?

Leaks

What's White & Gooey and Rains Down From the Sky?

The coming of the Lord.

An o‌‌ld w‌‌oman a‌‌sks h‌‌er h‌‌usband o‌‌f 6‌‌9 y‌‌ears

‌‌"Honey, w‌‌hat d‌‌id y‌‌ou t‌‌hink o‌‌f m‌‌e w‌‌hen y‌‌ou f‌‌irst s‌‌aw m‌‌e?".

"My f‌‌irst t‌‌hought w‌‌as t‌‌hat I‌‌ w‌‌anted t‌‌o f‌‌uck y‌‌our b‌‌rains o‌‌ut a‌‌nd s‌‌uck y‌‌our t‌‌its d‌‌ry", h‌‌e r‌‌eplied.

"And w‌‌hat d‌‌o y‌‌ou t‌‌hink o‌‌f m‌‌e n‌‌ow, d‌‌arling?", t‌‌he o‌‌l...

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