Vase Jokes

But so far I’ve made 3 jugs and a vase… and they look very nice, if you ask me.

But so far I've made three jugs and a vase and they're lovely.



Edit to add: Thank you for the Gold and Silvers kind strangers!

She opens the door, sees the flowers, and drags him in.

She lies back on the couch, pulls up her skirt, rips her knickers off and says "This is for the flowers."


"Don't be silly," says Paddy... "You must have a vase Somewhere!"

Her husband confused looks down and goes, “What’s that for?"

His wife replies, “For the flowers of course."

He thinks for a moment and asks, “Don’t we have a vase?"

The genie says "You got 3 wishes, but the catch is, your wife gets double.

The man says, "I want a new car"

The genie grants the mans wish for a car and gives the wife two cars.

The man says, "I want a new house"

The geni... read more

He hasn't come out with any poems yet, but he's made some pretty nice jugs and vases and stuff.

Is he a hairy potter?

Then there was an earthquake and the vase fell off and broke.

My girlfriend was angry with me, but it wasn't my fault.

Apparently he said he smashed it!

He shouted T'PAU!

I said "Don't you mean KAPOW??

He said "No, I've got China in my hand."

The other woman replied "Why? Don't you have a vase?"

Tulips on your organ.

she looked at me, sighed and said, "I guess I'll have to spread my legs now."

so I asked her, "why, don't you have a vase?"

hahahahaha

just kidding...

I don't have a girlfriend

Two women are chatting at work.


The first woman says, “my husband surprised me with flowers last night. You know what that means, I’m going to have to spend the entire weekend with my legs in the air….”


Her coworker replies, “why don’t you just buy a vase?”

Jeffery Epstein did not kill himself

and as he began to inspect the runes carved in it, he started dusting it off, and a genie came screaming out of it in rage.


"**Who disturbs my slumber**! I have been asleep for thousands of years, and *you* dare to wake ***me***? I should kill you where you stand!"

The archaeologis... read more

As I get into bed I hear a loud crashing noise so I get up panicked and open my door and a voice downstairs said “dont worry the cat just knocked over another vase”

So I calm down and go to bed and then I think to myself “wait I don’t own a cat”

she says: "guess I'm supposed to open my legs now?"

he says: "why? don't you have a vase?"

A blonde and a brunette are walking downtown when the brunette sees her boyfriend in a flower shop. "Just great," the brunette complained to the blonde, "my boyfriend is in the flower shop buying me some flowers." The blonde responds, "Why is that a problem?" The brunette replies, "Because now he'll... read more

While wandering, he trips and breaks a vase.
He panicks and picks the pieces up.
But the curator appears and almost has a heart attack.
"What have you done! that vase was 2000 years old." He shrieks.
"Oh thank God." The man sighs in relief. " I thought it was brand new."

The brunette looked in the window of a flower shop and said
"Oh no, it's my boyfriend and he's buying me flowers again for no reason."

The blonde said "Don't you like to get flowers?"

The brunette said "It's not that. It's just that every time he gives them to me he expects somethi... read more

A blonde and a brunette walk past a flower shop and see the brunette's boyfriend buying flower. She sighs and say "My boyfriend is buying me flowers again, now I 'll be expected to spend the weekend lay on my back with my legs in the air"

The blonde says: "Dont you have a vase?!"

Ethel exclaimed "You have such a beautiful home, Martha. I especially like those 3 fancy vases on your mantle."

Martha replied "Those aren't vases, they're urns... this one is my first husband Bill, this one is my second husband Jim, and that one is my third husband Ted"

Ethel replied... read more

The mother is, we all know she will stil get angry no matter what.

Two young women are drinking tea together. Suddenly, the doorbell rings. One of the women opens the door and finds a courier with a big great bouquet of roses. She walks inside and reads to her friend: *"Much love from your boyfriend!"* She immediately groans out: *"You know what this'll mean? This'... read more

He’s made 3 vases so far

He would then take the ashes and sell them in clay vases.

I wouldn't think he would be able to make much money from that, but I guess he found away to urn some dough.

She said "I suppose you expect me to spread my legs for these?"

I replied "why? Haven't you got a vase big enough?"

And that's how I ended up at the ER.

"Yesterday my husband bought me 20 red roses. Guess I'll have to spread my legs for two weeks".

"How so?" asks the other. "Don't you have a vase?"

Two women were out walking in the city. Suddenly one of them spots her husband across the street. She points at him and says ”Look, it’s Jim, and he’s got a big bouquet of flowers that he’ll come home with tonight. Damn, that means I’ll have to lay on my back, spread eagle all night.” Both women sha... read more

Her: "Well I bet you expect me to spread my legs now?"

Him: "Uhh....I thought you'd just use a vase."

...he goes up to the counter and starts talking to the clerk. Her name tag reads “Patricia Wack” so he says “ Mrs. Wack I would like to take out a line of $10,000.” Mrs. Wack looks at him skeptically and says “I’m going to need your name and account number as well as collateral for the loan.” The f... read more

Benny gets engaged to a woman and her father tells him he wants to talk to him.

"What do you want?" Benny asks.

"Well, I wanted you to know that you can't shave until you get married or you'll be turned into a vase."

Benny thinks it's a little weird, but he wants to honor what ... read more

She said "oh, so you just expect me to go in the bedroom and lie on the bed with me legs up?"

I said " you don't have a vase?"

-Tahir Bilgic

One was French, another one was Indian and the last one was Chinese.

One day on a long boring cruise, they decided to collaborate on a piece of art. All 3 agreed and the Indian started to work on a clay vase. Once it was done, the other 2 stared at it and complimented the Indian.

It ... read more

So a gentleman comes home from work and buy a some flowers for her wife. Upon arriving he presents those flowers to her wife and says -" For you my sweet love".

Wife replies - "You now expect me to open my legs, don't you?

Husband - "Why, don't you have a vase?

The brunette says her boyfriend just bought her a dozen roses. She says she annoyed because now she's going to have to spend the weekend on her back with her legs in the air. Her blonde friend is visibly confused and after thinking for a few seconds asked," can't you just use a vase?"

The brunette says excitedly to her blonde friend:

"They're from my boyfriend: you know what this means? I'll be spending this entire weekend on my back with my legs in the air!"

The blonde says: "Don't you have a vase?"

Jessica looks down the road and can see Katie's husband headed their way, with a large bouquet of roses. Jessica says, "Katie, here comes your husband! And he's got a bunch of roses!" Katie responds, "Yeah, nice", unenthusiastically. Jessica is confused, she says, "I don't understand. Isn't getting ... read more

On Valentine’s Day I came home with a dozen roses for my wife. She looked at me and said “so I guess you want me to spread my legs now?”

I said, “well, I kinda thought we’d put them in a vase.”

Me: *sipping coffe from a vase*
"No, why?"

The man heads up to the first tee box with his driver and takes the biggest, hardest swing he can muster. As you'd expect from an amateur golfer, the ball slices hard right and off the fairway, breaking a window in a nearby house. Slightly embarrassed, the man says to his wife, "Well I feel bad. We'... read more

"My husband brought me 20 roses yesterday for our anniversay. Bet now he expects that I spread my legs for 2 weeks"

"Why that? Don't you have a vase?"

He buys a big bouquet of flowers, goes to her house and rings the doorbell. As his girlfriend opens the door he says:'' uhm well I'm sorry''. The girl responds:'' great, and now I suppose I have to spread my legs?!!?'' on which he says:''don't you have a vase?''

A woman is at work. Friday afternoon she receives a bouquet of roses from here husband. “ oh great “ she tells her co worker, “ Now I will Have To Spend All Weekend With My Legs Up In The Air” Why” asked her coworker, Haven’t You Got A Vase At Home ?”

I made a mug, a vase, and a pot just today!

She says to her co-worker "Last night my husband brought me a dozen roses. I hate it when he does that!"

He responds "why? What's the matter with that?"

"Every time he brings me flowers I'm expected to spread my legs all night!"

"What, you don't have a vase?"

...clenching a bouquet of flowers.

He goes to the bedroom, turns on the light and in a slurry voice he says:

"Here ya go honey, these are for you.."

To which his wife angrily replies; "Oh well that's great, I guess now you expect me to spread my legs?"

The man looks at t... read more

There isn’t another soul on the street.

Suddenly, from out of the gloom, comes an ominous bump...bump…bump.

He looks behind him and spots a furtive, shadowy thing coming down the street after him.

Unnerved, he picks up his pace, finally breaking into a panicked run.

He... read more

Bi-weekly the head monk teaches a class of young monks the way of their order. One particular class began with the head monk explaining that while the world is full of hidden meaning, objects are nothing but themselves, and thus meaningless. The head monk said 'you see children, this vase I hold is ... read more

There are these two secretaries, a Blonde and a Red Head and the Red Head gets flowers sent to her.The Blonde says, Boy those sure are pretty.
The Red Head says, Yes and I will probably have my legs behind my head all weekend. The Blonde says, Why? Don't you have a vase?

The other office women are admiring the flowers as they are delivered to her.

She then smirks and says to the crowd of women gathered around "I guess this means I will be spending the night with my legs in the air."

The blonde then says "Don't you have a vase?"

Legend held that if a mayor shaved his beard off, an ancient curse would transform him into a piece of pottery.

Centuries passed and every Benny was a fair and wise mayor, and never shaved their beards. But one summer, their land was struck by a terrible heat wave. All the men of the villag... read more

A professor tells the class that they will be performing an experiment the next day. When the students get to class, they see the professor with a large glass vase, some large rocks, some small pebbles, and some sand. The students all get seated, and the professor begins the experiment. He fills the... read more

A pair of young newlyweds decide to go golfing at an upscale resort. They get up early Sunday morning, load up their clubs, and drive the hour and half to the remote location. On the first tee, they are astounded to see multi-million dollar homes lining the course, the rising sun catching stained pl... read more

one sees her husband coming out of a floral shop with a bouquet of flowers. She says "Oh shoot, he's buying me flowers. I'll have to lay on my back for two days with my feet in the air. Her friend says "Would'nt it be easier to just buy a vase?

She sees them and says, "What did you do wrong?"

The husband says, "Nothing, I just wanted to get you a gift."

The wife responds, "Now you expect me to lie in bed all week with my legs apart!"

The husband replies, "What, you don't have a vase?"

The first lady says: 'My husband brought home some flowers yesterday and so I had to open my legs.'

'Why?' The other lady replies incredulously, 'Don't you have a vase.'

One says to the other "Do you and your husband have any romantic plans for tonight?"

The second scoffs "Oh, please. These days, he just buys me a half-dozen roses, and expects me to get on my back and spread my legs."

The first looks confused "Don't you have a vase you could put them i... read more

The wife has a heart attack and passes away.
One of the local crematoriums offers to cremate and encase his wife in a vase for $500. The alternative would be to fly her back home to be buried/cremated for $10,000s of dollars.
The man chooses to send her home.
One of the crem. Folk asked ... read more

After he slowly opened his eyes, one at a time, he found that his wife had already left the bedroom. He was lying on the floor for some reason and had a raging headache and a big bump on his forehead. That probably meant he was getting screamed at, when he got downstairs.

He tried to go to th... read more

My wife Julie was talking over the garden fence to our neighbor Betty.

"Hi Betty, how are things, how are you finding all this lock down stuff?"

"It's OK, bit strange having Jim around the house so much."

"I can imagine, I saw him coming home this morning from the store, he had ... read more

The brunette goes "Do you know what my dumb husband did? He bought me flowers again.."

Surprised , the blonde answers "Awww, thats so cute! He's not dumb, he's kind!"

The brunette says "Yea, but you know what they always want when they give you flowers. You always have to lay back and ... read more

She looked at me in disbelief and asked "what did you do wrong"

"What? I just wanted to do something nice for you, buy you a gift, and this is how you act?" I respond

"Yea right, you think I don't know any better, now you want me to lay in bed naked all week with my legs spread"
... read more

And they happen to see the brunette's boyfriend buying flowers. The brunette says, "Aww man. He's out buying me flowers again. Sigh, this ." The blonde replies, "What's the matter? I thought you liked flowers? Last time you said it was a nice, thoughtful, out-of-the-blue gesture?" "Oh no, that'... read more

Everyday, just after he arrived in the office, he would take a small and battered yellow envelope from his drawer and peruse attentively the single sheet of paper inside. Then, he would take a glance around the office, smile and nod to himself, and go on with his day normally.

His employees ... read more

Mary looks across the street and sees a man coming out of the local flower shop.

"Look Martha, your husband Dmytro, he comes out of flower shop holding a dozen long stemmed roses"!

Martha replies: "Oh no, dis is no good, oy,yoy,yoy" while shaking her head side to side and wringing her... read more

The blonde's friend sees her boyfriend coming out of a flower shop with a big bunch of flowers and says, "Oh yeah, I suppose he expects me to spend the whole night on my back with my legs in the air now!"

The blonde says, "Why, do you not own a vase?"

A Polish woman is visiting her friend. They are sitting talking at the kitchen table when her friend looks out the window and sees her husband carrying a bouquet of flowers. She turns to her Polish friend and says "great, now I'm going to have my legs up in the air all night"

Her friend repli... read more

A woman has had a huge argument with her husband and is on the phone having a long chat with her friend when she sees her husband returning home with a huge bouquet of flowers.

"Oh no," says the woman. "My husband's home and he's brought a huge bunch of flowers for me."

Her friend is a... read more