A man rubs a vase and out comes a genie

The genie says "You got 3 wishes, but the catch is, your wife gets double.

The man says, "I want a new car"

The genie grants the mans wish for a car and gives the wife two cars.

The man says, "I want a new house"

The geni...

A mother asks her two sons who broke her favorite vase. She told them she won’t get angry if they told the truth, yet one of them lied. The first son said he played soccer in the house but broke nothing. The second son said he only broke his own doll house. Who’s lying?

The mother is, we all know she will stil get angry no matter what.

People who pronounce "vase" like "voz"

Make me want to punch them in the foz.

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Genie in a vase

(Really long joke)

A young married couple were out playing golf for the first time when the husband overhit a drive towards a mansion just outside the course. They find the window broken and the door to into the mansion half opened when they rushed over. Thinking it best to just sincerely a...

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A young woman visits a florist to get some flowers for her mother.

As she's perusing, she notices the most gorgeous rose she's ever seen sitting next to the cashier, and asks for its price.

"Oh, sorry," the cashier replies. "That one's not for sale. I got that as a gift from a fellow florist for hooking him up with a woman I met yesterday."

"Yesterd...

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This woman wanted to have some rejuvenation surgery after her years of child birthing, so she decided to get a vaginoplasty.

When she awakens from surgery, she sees three vases on her bedside table with flowers in them. The nurse walks into the room, and the woman asks “Hey, who are these flowers from?” The nurse looks at her and says “Well, one is from the doctor, he just wanted to thank you for shaving and cleaning up e...

My son just had his first day at the British Museum, his first task was to guard a multi million pound glass vase...

Apparently he said he smashed it!

A guy comes hime with a bouquet of flowers for his wife

"I guess I'll have to spread my legs now" she says

Confused he asks "why? Don't you have a vase?"

I moved my girlfriend's vase to the top shelf

Then there was an earthquake and the vase fell off and broke.

My girlfriend was angry with me, but it wasn't my fault.

Three dogs

Three dogs are at the vet in the waiting room.

When the first dog asks the second dog what he's in for, he answers, "My master bought a brand new carpet the other day, and at the first opportunity I soiled it, so now I've been brought here to be put to sleep. So what are you here for?"
<...

Junior soprano classic

So a gentleman comes home from work and buy a some flowers for her wife. Upon arriving he presents those flowers to her wife and says -" For you my sweet love".

Wife replies - "You now expect me to open my legs, don't you?

Husband - "Why, don't you have a vase?

Two Gals were sitting at the corner talking ...

One saw her boyfriend coming up the street with a bunch of flowers.
"Oh great" she said. " Now I'll have to lay on my back with my legs spread all weekend."
Her friend replied "Why ? Don't you have a vase ?"

Roses in a Vase, Violets on a Shelf

Jeffery Epstein did not kill himself

They told me i wouldn’t be good at poetry because i’m dyslexic

But so far I’ve made 3 jugs and a vase and they are lovely.

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How to give your cat a pill

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
<...

Marital expectations

Two women were out walking in the city. Suddenly one of them spots her husband across the street. She points at him and says ”Look, it’s Jim, and he’s got a big bouquet of flowers that he’ll come home with tonight. Damn, that means I’ll have to lay on my back, spread eagle all night.” Both women sha...

Batman came up to me and he hit me over the head with a vase

He shouted T'PAU!

I said "Don't you mean KAPOW??

He said "No, I've got China in my hand."

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What do you call a bearded man who makes vases?

A Hairy Potter

Credit to the guy who writes jokes on the whiteboard in my science class.

If a bearded man makes vases...

Is he a hairy potter?

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A couple is golfing on a golf course when their ball flies out of the course and smashes right through the window of an old mansion.

Shocked, the couple hastes to the old mansion and knock on the door.

A mysterious voice from within the mansion calls the couple to enter.

The couple enters the mansion and in the hallway they see an old man standing next to the broken window and a broken chinese vase with their golfba...

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A man was teaching his wife golf...

The wife struck the golf ball so hard that it went to the neighbours house and they heard a crash like it broke something.

Embarrassed and apologetic, they go over to the neighbours house and let themselves in.

They see a broken vase on the ground and a man standing near it.

...

Two housewives who are friends meet, one says:

"Yesterday my husband bought me 20 red roses. Guess I'll have to spread my legs for two weeks".

"How so?" asks the other. "Don't you have a vase?"

(Nsfw) A blonde and a brunette walk past a flower shop and see the brunette's boyfriend buying flowers.

A blonde and a brunette walk past a flower shop and see the brunette's boyfriend buying flower. She sighs and say "My boyfriend is buying me flowers again, now I 'll be expected to spend the weekend lay on my back with my legs in the air"

The blonde says: "Dont you have a vase?!"

My teachers said I couldn’t do poetry because of my dyslexia..

But so far I’ve made two bowls and a vase.

My wife left me because I broke her expensive Vase.

It happened right after she caught me in bed with her sister.

My teacher told me I'd never be good at poetry because I'm dyslexic.

But so far I've made three jugs and a vase and they're lovely.



Edit to add: Thank you for the Gold and Silvers kind strangers!

Two girlfriends are talking about their S.Os

The brunette says her boyfriend just bought her a dozen roses. She says she annoyed because now she's going to have to spend the weekend on her back with her legs in the air. Her blonde friend is visibly confused and after thinking for a few seconds asked," can't you just use a vase?"

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Husband says to his wife that he is going golfing. She gets upset because she thought they would spend the day together.

Husband: "honey just give me the day I need to relieve some stress. Besides You don't even golf."


Wife: "I want to learn and besides it's something we can do together."


The husband begrudgingly accepts his wife request and they go to the golf course. On the first tee the hu...

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A morgue worker is finishing up a report on a cadaver and notices something...

"Wow! Hey doc, check out the equipment on this guy!" He said, looking at the dead man's genitals under the sheet

"My goodness! That's impressive!" The doctor said. "Hey, uh, go get me a scalpel and a gallon of formaldehyde."

The morgue worker went to get what the doctor asked for.
<...

"Honey," said my wife, "what do you think of the clothes I bought?"

"Ask that vase over there," I pointed. "It will give you a better answer than I ever will."

"What?" she questioned. "The vase...can't speak."

"Exactly."

Flowers

On Valentine’s Day I came home with a dozen roses for my wife. She looked at me and said “so I guess you want me to spread my legs now?”

I said, “well, I kinda thought we’d put them in a vase.”

An Archaeologist Found an Ancient Vase at a Dig Site...

and as he began to inspect the runes carved in it, he started dusting it off, and a genie came screaming out of it in rage.


"**Who disturbs my slumber**! I have been asleep for thousands of years, and *you* dare to wake ***me***? I should kill you where you stand!"

The archaeologis...

There once was a village whose mayors were all named Benny and had magnificent beards

Legend held that if a mayor shaved his beard off, an ancient curse would transform him into a piece of pottery.

Centuries passed and every Benny was a fair and wise mayor, and never shaved their beards. But one summer, their land was struck by a terrible heat wave. All the men of the villag...

A young couple are enjoying a round of golf when the wife slices a shot off the tee

The ball smashes through a window of a house at the edge of the course.

The husband says "we'd better go and apologise"

As they approach the house, the front door is open so they call out. A voice responds "hello" from upstairs.

They head upstairs where they find a man sitting o...

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“I hate Valentine’s Day”

Why’s that?

“Every year my husband brings home some shitty supermarket flowers and expects me to lay on my back and spread my legs.”

Can I recommend getting a vase?

A husband and wife were out in the forest mushroom picking

The husband thought he found a mushroom and picked it up. To his disappointment it was an ordinary rock. Enraged, he threw it. After he threw it, he heard something glass breaking.

The pair rushed over to see what it is, and found a shack in the forest. A man in very bright clothing came out....

A bouquet of flowers

A man walks past a flower shop one day and thinks how he never buys flowers for his wife. So he steps in and orders a nice bouquet of flowers.

He comes home, rings the doorbell. His wife opens the door. He hands her the bouquet and she goes wild with excitement! She pulls him in, closes the d...

What's better than a vase of roses on your piano?

Tulips on your organ.

Paddy rings his new girlfriend's door bell

Paddy rings his new girlfriend's door bell, holding a

big bunch of flowers.

She opens the door, sees the flowers, and drags him in.

She lies back on the couch, pulls her skirt up, rips

her knickers off and says

'This is for the flowers!'

'Don't be silly,' sa...

A man brings home flowers to his wife

A man brings some flowers home to his wife. She's so surprised by his romantic gesture that she lays back on the dining table, throws her legs in the air and spreads them.

Her husband confused looks down and goes "What's that for?"

His wife replies "For the flowers of course"

He...

An old accountant had a curious habit

Everyday, just after he arrived in the office, he would take a small and battered yellow envelope from his drawer and peruse attentively the single sheet of paper inside. Then, he would take a glance around the office, smile and nod to himself, and go on with his day normally.

His employees ...

A woman was complaining bitterly about getting flowers

She says to her co-worker "Last night my husband brought me a dozen roses. I hate it when he does that!"

He responds "why? What's the matter with that?"

"Every time he brings me flowers I'm expected to spread my legs all night!"

"What, you don't have a vase?"

I met a baker who purposefully burnt his bread.

He would then take the ashes and sell them in clay vases.

I wouldn't think he would be able to make much money from that, but I guess he found away to urn some dough.

Talking over the fence

My wife Julie was talking over the garden fence to our neighbor Betty.

"Hi Betty, how are things, how are you finding all this lock down stuff?"

"It's OK, bit strange having Jim around the house so much."

"I can imagine, I saw him coming home this morning from the store, he had ...

All Weekend ?

A woman is at work. Friday afternoon she receives a bouquet of roses from here husband. “ oh great “ she tells her co worker, “ Now I will Have To Spend All Weekend With My Legs Up In The Air” Why” asked her coworker, Haven’t You Got A Vase At Home ?”

Two women met in a cafe for their weekly chitchat

"My husband brought me 20 roses yesterday for our anniversay. Bet now he expects that I spread my legs for 2 weeks"

"Why that? Don't you have a vase?"

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An Englishman a Scotsman and an irishman walk into a bar

An Englishman a Scotsman and an irishman walk into a bar. They all order a pint of liquor and the Englishman notices a vase full of gold coins in the corner of the bar, he asks what its for and the bar keeper says that they can have it if they complete 3 tasks
1. Down a bottle of vodka
2. Pull...

Ethel was visiting her friend Martha at her home for the first time.

Ethel exclaimed "You have such a beautiful home, Martha. I especially like those 3 fancy vases on your mantle."

Martha replied "Those aren't vases, they're urns... this one is my first husband Bill, this one is my second husband Jim, and that one is my third husband Ted"

Ethel replied...

Jake decided to send his good friend, Thomas, a bouquet of flowers to celebrate Thomas's business expansion.

He called a florist in Thomas' local area and made arrangements- flowers, personalized note, vase, and so forth.

A week later, Thomas called Jake, confused. "Jake- what the hell? The florist dropped off a bouquet of lilies with a message that says 'Rest in peace.'"

Jake realizes the fl...

Two friends chatting on the front porch

Old joke I remember .. figured it would be appropriate on Valentine's day

Two friends are chatting on the front porch. A delivery truck pulls up and delivers a dozen roses to the woman who lives here. When the driver leaves, the woman starts crying.

"What's the matter dear? Why are ...

Blonde Moments

There are these two secretaries, a Blonde and a Red Head and the Red Head gets flowers sent to her.The Blonde says, Boy those sure are pretty.
The Red Head says, Yes and I will probably have my legs behind my head all weekend. The Blonde says, Why? Don't you have a vase?

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Roses !

This woman and her husband have this really bad fight. He goes off to work the next day without talking to her, but she doesn’t care. She’s busy doing her thing around the house. All of the sudden, around 1:00 in the afternoon, the doorbell rings. She goes to the door and opens it and there is a...

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Labial Nip and Tuck

A woman plans a labial nip and tuck surgery to reduce the size of her labia.

The surgery goes perfectly, and when she awakes after her surgery, she sees two large vases of beautiful flowers in her room.

She looks at the card from the first set of flowers. It reads:

“Dear Gina,...

A dyslexic friend of mine thought it might help his condition if he joined a poetry club.

He hasn't come out with any poems yet, but he's made some pretty nice jugs and vases and stuff.

A huge bouquet of red roses arrives at the office on Friday.

The brunette says excitedly to her blonde friend:

"They're from my boyfriend: you know what this means? I'll be spending this entire weekend on my back with my legs in the air!"

The blonde says: "Don't you have a vase?"

Jessica and Katie were sitting and chatting on Katie's porch one Friday afternoon...

Jessica looks down the road and can see Katie's husband headed their way, with a large bouquet of roses. Jessica says, "Katie, here comes your husband! And he's got a bunch of roses!" Katie responds, "Yeah, nice", unenthusiastically. Jessica is confused, she says, "I don't understand. Isn't getting ...

An old proverb

Benny gets engaged to a woman and her father tells him he wants to talk to him.

"What do you want?" Benny asks.

"Well, I wanted you to know that you can't shave until you get married or you'll be turned into a vase."

Benny thinks it's a little weird, but he wants to honor what ...

A man and his wife take a trip to Jerusalem.

The wife has a heart attack and passes away.
One of the local crematoriums offers to cremate and encase his wife in a vase for $500. The alternative would be to fly her back home to be buried/cremated for $10,000s of dollars.
The man chooses to send her home.
One of the crem. Folk asked ...

I bought a girl flowers and she thought I expected something in return...

She said "oh, so you just expect me to go in the bedroom and lie on the bed with me legs up?"

I said " you don't have a vase?"

-Tahir Bilgic

A frog goes to the bank wanting to take out a loan...

...he goes up to the counter and starts talking to the clerk. Her name tag reads “Patricia Wack” so he says “ Mrs. Wack I would like to take out a line of $10,000.” Mrs. Wack looks at him skeptically and says “I’m going to need your name and account number as well as collateral for the loan.” The f...

Found on AskReddit

An Englishman, Scotsman and Irishman walk into a bar and begin drinking. Soon they noticed a large glass vase of gold coins in the corner and asked the barman what was it there for.

The Barman told then: "that is there is the prize for anyone who can 1:Drink a full bottle of tequila in two mi...

Karl had the worst headache ever.

After he slowly opened his eyes, one at a time, he found that his wife had already left the bedroom. He was lying on the floor for some reason and had a raging headache and a big bump on his forehead. That probably meant he was getting screamed at, when he got downstairs.

He tried to go to th...

So, I brought my girlfriend some flowers today...

she looked at me, sighed and said, "I guess I'll have to spread my legs now."

so I asked her, "why, don't you have a vase?"

hahahahaha

just kidding...

I don't have a girlfriend

My parents always told me I'd never be good at poetry since I'm Dyslexic.

My flower pot and 3 vases are pretty good if I do say so myself.

This guy’s walking home from work, really late, in the pitch black of night...

There isn’t another soul on the street.

Suddenly, from out of the gloom, comes an ominous bump...bump…bump.

He looks behind him and spots a furtive, shadowy thing coming down the street after him.

Unnerved, he picks up his pace, finally breaking into a panicked run.

He...

A brunette gets a bouquet of flowers for valentines day.

The other office women are admiring the flowers as they are delivered to her.

She then smirks and says to the crowd of women gathered around "I guess this means I will be spending the night with my legs in the air."

The blonde then says "Don't you have a vase?"

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A man walks into a bar with an overweight donkey and a sour looking cat.

He sits down, and asks for a 1 beer. He gets a bucket of water for the donkey, and milk for the cat. The cat looks at the milk and scowls in disgust. The man explains that the cat only drinks 2% milk and nothing else.
After drinking he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact amount ...

My teachers always told me I couldn't do poetry because of my dyslexia, but I really showed them...

I made a mug, a vase, and a pot just today!

Found this one on Wikipedia of all places

Two young women are drinking tea together. Suddenly, the doorbell rings. One of the women opens the door and finds a courier with a big great bouquet of roses. She walks inside and reads to her friend: *"Much love from your boyfriend!"* She immediately groans out: *"You know what this'll mean? This'...

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Giving the wife flowers

Man gives his wife some roses.. later that night his wife gets naked and open her legs .. husband say' " what's that for? " she says for the rose's he says fuck me aint u got a vase !!

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A man and his wife are out golfing together

The man accidentally swings his club a little to hard and sends the ball flying through the window of a nearby house. After approaching the window, they see a little man sitting on the couch next to the window and a vase that the ball had broken. After the couple apologizes for the vase, the little ...

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A married couple comes home to their mansion situated on a golf course. When they get to the living room they discover their giant picture window is broken, glass everywhere and there is a man sitting on the couch holding a golf ball.

The husband gets irate and starts shouting at the man. “ Who the fuck are you and why are you in my house?“.

The man responds, “Calm down, when the ball went through the window it bounced off the floor and hit the vase is that was on your mantle. The vase broke and I popped out, I am a Genie...

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So Mrs. Smith decides she wants vaginal rejuvenation

So Mrs. Smith has been around the block a time or two, and she decides she wants vaginal rejuvenation. She finds a surgeon who performs the procedure and has a consultation with him. In the discussion she tells the surgeon that she absolutely does not want a single word of her having the procedure t...

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A blonde and a brunette are walking down the street on a Friday afternoon

When the brunette sees her boyfriend buying a dozen roses. She turns to the blonde and says, “Oh shit! That’s my boyfriend.”

The blonde says, “So?”

The brunette says, “So every time he buys me flowers he expects me to lie on my back with my legs in the air all weekend.”

The blon...

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The hangover

A guy wakes up with a horrible hangover after a bender. Can barely open his eyes. Head pounding. Stomach churning.

He looks around, and with some relief realizes that he’s at home, in his bed. There’s a glass of water and two aspirins on his night stand, along with a note from his wife: “Dar...

A blonde and a brunette are walking downtown when the brunette sees her boyfriend in a flower shop.

A blonde and a brunette are walking downtown when the brunette sees her boyfriend in a flower shop. "Just great," the brunette complained to the blonde, "my boyfriend is in the flower shop buying me some flowers." The blonde responds, "Why is that a problem?" The brunette replies, "Because now he'll...

A pair of newlyweds go golfing...

A pair of young newlyweds decide to go golfing at an upscale resort. They get up early Sunday morning, load up their clubs, and drive the hour and half to the remote location. On the first tee, they are astounded to see multi-million dollar homes lining the course, the rising sun catching stained pl...

Two Ukrainian ladies, Mary and Martha are sitting in a small town cafe and sharing a plate of perogies...

Mary looks across the street and sees a man coming out of the local flower shop.

"Look Martha, your husband Dmytro, he comes out of flower shop holding a dozen long stemmed roses"!

Martha replies: "Oh no, dis is no good, oy,yoy,yoy" while shaking her head side to side and wringing her...

A young married couple are out golfing together...

The man heads up to the first tee box with his driver and takes the biggest, hardest swing he can muster. As you'd expect from an amateur golfer, the ball slices hard right and off the fairway, breaking a window in a nearby house. Slightly embarrassed, the man says to his wife, "Well I feel bad. We'...

On the snowy mountains of eastern Asia, there live a secluded group of monks

Bi-weekly the head monk teaches a class of young monks the way of their order. One particular class began with the head monk explaining that while the world is full of hidden meaning, objects are nothing but themselves, and thus meaningless. The head monk said 'you see children, this vase I hold is ...

A husband brings home a dozen roses for his wife one day.

She sees them and says, "What did you do wrong?"

The husband says, "Nothing, I just wanted to get you a gift."

The wife responds, "Now you expect me to lie in bed all week with my legs apart!"

The husband replies, "What, you don't have a vase?"

My girlfriend: "Did you forget to turn on the dishwasher?"

Me: *sipping coffe from a vase*
"No, why?"

So a blonde and a brunette are having a chat.

The brunette goes "Do you know what my dumb husband did? He bought me flowers again.."

Surprised , the blonde answers "Awww, thats so cute! He's not dumb, he's kind!"

The brunette says "Yea, but you know what they always want when they give you flowers. You always have to lay back and ...

A man comes home really really drunk....

...clenching a bouquet of flowers.

He goes to the bedroom, turns on the light and in a slurry voice he says:

"Here ya go honey, these are for you.."

To which his wife angrily replies; "Oh well that's great, I guess now you expect me to spread my legs?"

The man looks at t...

I brought home a bouquet of roses for my wife

She looked at me in disbelief and asked "what did you do wrong"

"What? I just wanted to do something nice for you, buy you a gift, and this is how you act?" I respond

"Yea right, you think I don't know any better, now you want me to lay in bed naked all week with my legs spread"
...

A blonde and a brunette are out shopping one day

And they happen to see the brunette's boyfriend buying flowers. The brunette says, "Aww man. He's out buying me flowers again. Sigh, this sucks." The blonde replies, "What's the matter? I thought you liked flowers? Last time you said it was a nice, thoughtful, out-of-the-blue gesture?" "Oh no, that'...

Two women are having lunch on Valentine's Day

One says to the other "Do you and your husband have any romantic plans for tonight?"

The second scoffs "Oh, please. These days, he just buys me a half-dozen roses, and expects me to get on my back and spread my legs."

The first looks confused "Don't you have a vase you could put them i...

Father's ashes!

A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to get them some snacks and drinks.

As he's standing there alone, he lights a cigarette. After a while, he notices a cute little vase on the mantle. He picks it up...

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A man walks into a bar...

He sits down and orders a drink and looks to the end of the bar to find a giant glass vase filled with hundred dollar bills. He asks the bartender, "What is that big vase of hundreds for?" "Oh that's for our challenge, but nobody can complete it." replies the bar keep. Naturally, the man is curious ...

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A husband and wife save thousands of dollars for their dream golfing trip abroad...

A man and his wife and save thousands of dollars, pack their bags and go on their dream golfing trip abroad.

The golf course is a thing of beauty, perfect greens, giant sculptures, huge sparkling blue lakes, the finest sand pits, and amazing views. The rich of the world all have mansions and ...

When a husband brings home some flowers... NSFW

The first lady says: 'My husband brought home some flowers yesterday and so I had to open my legs.'

'Why?' The other lady replies incredulously, 'Don't you have a vase.'

After leaving the bar, a man arrives at his home...

There, he trips and breaks his wife's favorite vase of flowers and ends up the night by puking in the carpet.

The other day, he wakes up already in his bed and realizes that her wife left a note saying :
" Morning honey, i've left some aspirine on your bedside table, and i've made your fa...

[LONG] The life of an old man.

I decide to water my garden.

As I turn on the hose, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the table that I collected from the letter box earlier. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys ...

3 artisans met on a boat

One was French, another one was Indian and the last one was Chinese.

One day on a long boring cruise, they decided to collaborate on a piece of art. All 3 agreed and the Indian started to work on a clay vase. Once it was done, the other 2 stared at it and complimented the Indian.

It ...

Two girls walking down the street when...

one sees her husband coming out of a floral shop with a bouquet of flowers. She says "Oh shoot, he's buying me flowers. I'll have to lay on my back for two days with my feet in the air. Her friend says "Would'nt it be easier to just buy a vase?

A man goes to apologize to his girlfriend

He buys a big bouquet of flowers, goes to her house and rings the doorbell. As his girlfriend opens the door he says:'' uhm well I'm sorry''. The girl responds:'' great, and now I suppose I have to spread my legs?!!?'' on which he says:''don't you have a vase?''

A Polish woman is visiting her friend

A Polish woman is visiting her friend. They are sitting talking at the kitchen table when her friend looks out the window and sees her husband carrying a bouquet of flowers. She turns to her Polish friend and says "great, now I'm going to have my legs up in the air all night"

Her friend repli...

A woman is hanging out with a friend when her husband calls.

He says "Honey, I bought you your favorite flowers! I'll be home in an hour". She turns to her friend and says "Great, he got me flowers. Now I'll have to spread my legs and put them behind my head tonight". Her friend turns back and says "Why don't you just use a vase?"

The Argument

A woman has had a huge argument with her husband and is on the phone having a long chat with her friend when she sees her husband returning home with a huge bouquet of flowers.

"Oh no," says the woman. "My husband's home and he's brought a huge bunch of flowers for me."

Her friend is a...

A blonde and her friend were standing on the street talking..

The blonde's friend sees her boyfriend coming out of a flower shop with a big bunch of flowers and says, "Oh yeah, I suppose he expects me to spend the whole night on my back with my legs in the air now!"

The blonde says, "Why, do you not own a vase?"

The Valentine's Day Blonde

A woman receives a huge bouquet of flowers from her boyfriend at the office and is clearly upset about it. Her co-workers ask what's wrong.

She replies, very annoyed: "This is just great. Now I guess I'll have to spend the whole evening on my back, with my legs in the air!"

The blonde ...

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Costume Party

A couple was going to a costume party. The husband was unsure of what costume to wear. His wife was telling him to hurry or they would be late for the party. She was walking down the stairs from the bedroom, completely naked except on her feet were a big old floppy pair of boots.

"Where is y...

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Two women are sitting on a park bench

Two women are sitting on a park bench. One says to the other, "Oh, no, tonight's date night".

Her friend says, "What's wrong with that? Date night sounds nice."

The lady replies, "No, it's awful. Every date night my husband brings me flowers."

Her friend is confused and asks, "W...

An insurance agent who was talking to a prospective client

..at her home pointed to an exquisite vase on thesideboard and asked,"Do you keep anything in it?"

Yes, my husband's ashes,"came
the reply.

“I am sorry,” apologized the agent, “I did not know he was deceased.”

"He isn't-he is just too lazy to
hunt for an ashtray."

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