I asked the toy store sales assistant if they had any Arnold Schwarzenegger action figures in store...

She replied "Aisle B, back".

I invested all my money in a sylvester stallone action figure

my finances are a little rocky.

Official Darth Maul action figure on sale now!

50% off

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the most popular Star Wars action figure in Japan?

Toy-Yoda.

I’m so excited for the new Toy Story action figures!

I’m getting a woody.....

Have you heard about the incel action figure?

It comes in a sock instead of a box.

I hate action figures with no feet

I just can't stand them.

My wife and kids are preparing to leave me over my action figure collecting addiction

They said it's either the toys or us

Human organs are the opposite of old action figures

People pay a lot more for them once you take them out to the original packaging

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The only difference between my dick and a tiny action figure

Is that my dick comes without any warning.

I just opened an action figure factory

It’s a pretty small operation right now, just me and my buddy Frank and we’re only making one kind of Dracula action figure. We really need to get things off the ground so I have to make every second Count.

Did you guys hear about the new Ray Lewis action figure?

Batteries included.


If it makes you feel any better I made the joke up a few months ago and it was a Chris Brown joke, but with Rice being topical and all.

So I've been trying to sell my Ubermensch Action Figures...

But it's difficult to cater to such a Nietszche Market.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My roommate claims that he caught me with a sex doll.

This is completely untrue and slanderous. He caught me with a sex action figure.

My 4 year old son just got me with a dad joke I hadn't heard before.

My son was playing with his teenage mutant ninja turtle action figures, and was making them fight each other.

Me: "Where are their weapons? Are they just fighting with their bare hands?"

Son: "No, they are fighting with their turtle hands."

Doesn't have a clue why I was laughin...

Making 6 figures a year sounds like a dream come true...

Unless you work for an action figure manufacturing company. Then it sounds like a quick way to the unemployment line.

A boy wishes to be Batman...

One day, a small ten year old boy was playing with his favorite Batman action figures in his attic when he found a strange lamp. Noticing how dusty it was, he decided to polish it a little. Before he knew it, out flew a magic genie.

"Greetings!" said the genie. "In exchange for freeing me, I ...

A frog wants to get a loan

He goes to a bank and there is a pig behind the front desk.

The pig introduces herself
“I’m Pattywack, how may I help you”

The frog asks for a loan and to use an action figure as collateral.

Pattywack explains that the action figure is not enough to be collateral.

Pat...

Jimmy and Timmy

Jimmy and Timmy go shopping with their mother. First they stop at Toys'R'Us.
Jimmy begins running around the store going:
"Mommy! I want that action figure! I want those cars! I want that game!"
Mother replies "Of course dear, whatever you want."
Timmy says "Oh Mom! Can I get that toy d...

What's the difference between a Catholic Priest...

... and an e-cigarette-puffing GI Joe Action Figure collector?

Well, one is a toy-loving vapist...

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