UPJOKE
temperaturecoolfrigidfrostyicyglacialicechillchillywinterheatabsolute zerostalecommon coldunenthusiastic

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A man get a job in the coldest part of Antarctica...

He's been there for a few weeks when he builds up the courage to ask about the lack of women situation.

One of the guys tells him, "yeah don't worry. We got you. After work, follow me I'll show you. "

The two men walk to a absolutely nightmarish cold wasteland area with a black barr...

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Uranus is the coldest place in the solar system

So it’s safe to say the sun don’t shine there.

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A good (and very old) joke to explain why people are stocking up on necessities

It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was an Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets.

When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to be. ...

My dad said -459.67 Fahrenheit is the coldest things can get

I just said "0K, Boomer"

What's the Coldest city in Germany?

Brrrrrlin

What's the coldest salad made with

Iceberg lettuce

If you get cold enough, your body will eventually stop functioning and you will die.

However, when you reach the coldest temperature possible, you’ll be 0K again.

What's the coldest type of reptile?

A blizzard.

How cold is the coldest country in South America?

I don't know but it's probably very Chile.

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The Coldest Igloo in the World

Three Eskimos are arguing loudly in a bar. Each is convinced his igloo is the coldest in the world. The bartender, tired of overhearing the argument, suggests, "Why don't you just visit each other's igloos and see for yourselves whose igloo is coldest?" The eskimos agree to this suggestion.

A...

I just found the coldest thing in the universe!

It was 0K.

I told my friend that my girlfriend went on holiday to the west indies.

He said "Jamaica"...

I said, "No, she went of her own accord." I then added, "For her next holiday, she's off to one of the coldest states in America."

He said "which one"

I said "Alaska".

He said, "don't bother. I'll ask her, myself."

What is the coldest gas?

Brrrr-omine gas.

My friend just came back from his holiday to the coldest place in the universe.

He told me it was 0K

What month are most cephalopods coldest?

Octobrrrrr

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Coldest Igloo

Three Eskimos are sitting around an ice hole fishing when the topic of coldest igloo pops up.

The first Eskimo says, "My igloo is definitely the coldest. I'll show you"

So they all head over to the first Eskimo's igloo where he says, "Watch this."
He gathers up a big wad of spi...

Why is C the coldest letter?

Because it's in the middle of ice.

Who is the coldest living comedian?

Bill Burr

What group of terrorists is the coldest of them all?

Ice-is

Three macho Eskimos were arguing about who had the coldest igloo, so they decided to check each in turn.

Three macho Eskimos were arguing about who had the coldest igloo, so they decided to check each in turn. Sure he’d clinched the argument, the first Eskimo pulled back his polar-bear-skin blanket and revealed that his bed was made of ice.

“Nah, mine’s colder,” claimed the second Eskimo. And wh...

What's the coldest part of a man's body?

His balls. Two below.

What is the coldest dish at a Mexican restaurant?

a b-r-r-r-r-ito

People are complaining about this being the hottest summer in the last 150 years.

I'm more of a glass half full kind of guy,

I'm thinking of it as the coldest summer in the next 150 years!

Latvian man die and go to hell

Latvian man die and go to hell.

Once there, devil punish. He say: Man, go burn in lake of fire.

But man is warm. Man is happy.

So devil make lake even hotter. But man now warmer. Now he is even more happy.

Devil get angry. So freeze fire lake into ice lake. Now lake is co...

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A young Native American boy is listening to his dad...

talk about how to read the skies, in order to know how much wood is needed for the winter. Being the youngest of two boys, as well as his older brother being the apple of his fathers eye, he knows he won't be made chief, so he saw no point in learning it. A few years later, a tradegy strikes the tri...

How do you know if you'll like sailing?

Put on a thick yellow raincoat, and stuff it with hundred dollar bills. Step into the shower, turn it on full blast and it's coldest temperature, and just start stuffing those bills down the drain. If you've managed to somehow enjoy yourself doing this, you might just be crazy enough to enjoy sailin...

A native american man lived in the big city all his life.

Then one day his father dies. When he goes home to the reserve for the funeral, the people all nominate him to be the new chief, since he was a successful businessman and his father was a good chief. He accepts.

But then that autumn, they people come to him and ask him if it will be a cold w...

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A Native American Chief was asked by somebody on his reservation how cold the coming winter will be...

He isn't sure what to say, but to be safe he responds, "It will be very cold. Start collecting firewood to prepare."

Later that week he realizes that he might be wrong with his prediction, so he walks into the city and uses a pay phone to call the local weather station.

He asks them, ...

The Devil goes to check on his prisoners.

The devil is checking on all of hells prisoners. So he walks by the first cell, this cell has two Americans in it. "Please, please turn down the heat!" They cry as the devil laughs to himself "good, good." The devil then stops at the second cell, this cell holds two Canadians. These Canadians are lo...

The leader of a Native American tribe just passed away

He was old and had been a wise leader for many years. After he passed a younger man became leader even though he had much less experience.
His first task as leader was to predict if the coming winter was going to be a mild one or a harsh one. In other words, did the tribe need to gather lots of w...

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A man was complaining about the lack of anal sex from his wife

so he went to a very old herbalist to help him resolve his issue, the herbalist said: " oh my dear boy your issue is marvelously challenging , but I will guide you; first , go to the east where you find an ancient forest, there you shall find an ancient neem tree that have a foul odor, pick up it's ...

An Indian tribal chief

decided to call his local National Weather Service office to see what kind of winter was expected. The forecaster replied, "Well, it looks like it will be cold." So the chief gathered his tribe together and warned them that the winter would be cold, so they needed to start collecting fire wood.
<...

The origin of the angel on top of the tree

It must've been the coldest winter ever, with the worst snow storm this world has ever seen brewing in the North Pole on the Eve of Christmas. Santa was bedridden with a nasty stomach bug, and his workshop was short-staffed as many of the elves had contracted ~~herpes from sodomizing each other~~ th...

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Life is long and for one to live, one must find one fuck to give.

Life is long
and for one to live,
one must find
one fuck to give.

Some days life's good
some days it sucks,
yet I still remain
with zero fucks.

I've searched and searched
then searched some more,
til every place
had been explored

Looked high and low...

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The flea and the biker's beard

A flea walks into a bar, shivering and sneezing. The curious bartender asks the flea whats the matter.
Flea: "I hitched a ride here in biker's beard. That motorcycle ride must be the coldest trip I ever had."
The bartender decides to give the flea some advice.
Bartender: "Next time seek out...

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