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Huffing Jokes

I like huffing brake fluid, but don't worry:

I can stop any time I like.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer has dozens of cows and two bulls, but both bulls are too old to mate anymore.

One day the famer brings a third bull into the field. The new bull is much younger than the other two, and immediately starts mating with cow after cow.

When the old bulls see this, one of them starts huffing, snorting, and scraping the ground with his hoof.

"Don't bother competing wit...

A hunter shoots a deer and is pulling it back to his truck

A hunter shoots a deer and is pulling it back to his truck

A farmer passes by and says, "Hey you shot that deer on my property. That makes that deer mine."
The hunter says, "No way, I tracked it, I shot it, it's mine."
The farmer says, "Ok Ok...we'll settle this the old way."
"The ol...

Life is like huffing butane...

first you huff the butane, then you die

A 50-year old woman is very pleased with her new facelift. (Long)

She goes to the bank and steps up to the counter. She asks the teller, "How old do you think I am?"

The teller looks her up and down and guesses 35.

"Nope, 50!" she says, and goes to Subway for lunch.

She asks the sandwich artist behind the counter, "How old do you think I am?"<...

Ugly Baby & the Bus Driver

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. While trying to pay for the bus fare, the bus driver made a comment about how ugly the baby was. Mad about the comment the bus driver made, the lady was huffing and puffing and was clearly upset when she sat down.


"What's wrong?", said the man next t...

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A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a ...

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The farmer ordered a new bull

Three bulls were standing around the farm yard one day, talking about how the farmer had just bought a new bull.

The first bull, the biggest and strongest of the group, says "He's in for a surprise when he gets here. I'll be damned if he thinks he can take any of my 500 cows."

The seco...

Two gas company servicemen

a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end.
At the last house a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter....

Old farmer Joe just uses all his savings to buy 51 sheep...

To pass the season he plans to reproduce the 50 female sheep he bought with one ram doing the work.


To his misfortune the ram dies suddenly just after he got it. He goes to complain to his neighbor Bob about his problems and Bob, who also was a farmer, told him he had to do the job him...

3 little pigs

A wolf goes to the house of the first pig, which was made of straw. "Come out you pig, or I will huff and puff and blow your straw house down".

The pig stays put and the wolf starts huffing and puffing. Frightened now, the pig sneaks out the back door just as his straw house starts to blow ...

A might King was nearing the end of his life, and knew he needed a suitor for his daughter before he died.

In order to find the bravest, mightiest, most valiant man in the Kingdom (and perhaps cull out a few of the weaker ones), the King decided to host a challenge.

He invited the *entire* Kingdom to gather around a large pool that he filled with snakes, alligators, eels, and every other kind of d...

The Three Little Pigs

So we are at the point in the story where all three pigs are in the brick house, and the wolf is outside doing all of his huffing and puffing, and the three pigs are getting clearly agitated. One of them finally says “Enough!”, and he goes and makes a phone call.

In a few minutes, a black se...

The Talking Cat (Original)

Two French brothers are out fishing when one hooks something on his line. After a lot of huffing and puffing by the two of them, they pull up a small wooden chest. They open it, and inside there is a small tabby cat with a note that says "This is a magical talking cat. Please take care of him."...

A wealthy old man spots an attractive lady at the grocery store and approaches her with an offer.

He says, "Ma'am, you are very beautiful, and I would love to give you $1,000."
The woman, surprised and flattered, says, "That's very kind of you, but what would I have to do?"
The old man says, "Just follow me home, take off all your clothes, pick the money up off the floor, and then you ca...

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Little Johnny is late to school one day.

When he finally enters the class huffing and puffing, the teacher says curtly, "Little Johnny, you're almost an hour late for school. Would you please tell your classmates why you're late today, and why your time is more precious than all of ours?"

Little Johnny can't believe the teacher has ...

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A koala bear and a hooker...

A koala bear and a hooker go back to her place and they get undressed. The koala bear goes down on the hooker for three hours straight. She has multiple orgasms! After three hours he stops, gets up and puts on his little koala clothes. The woman is hanging back huffing and puffing from exhaustion....

My dad told me this a couple of days back: Three professors walk into a seaside bar.

The first, a maths professor, wishes to make a name for himself and says to the other two, "I'm gonna figure out the depth of the sea."

Saying that, he walks out. The physics professor, unwilling to be outshined, proclaims "Well I'll find out what the density of the sea actually is and catch ...

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An 80 year old man visits a brothel looking for a "date"...

but all of the girls are busy, so the madame takes him to her room. Eventually, after the lights go out, the unmistakable sounds of a great and furious copulation are heard. He was huffing and puffing, she was screaming and pleading, the floor was creaking ,and the bed was squeaking, until at last, ...

A blonde walks into a small store and picks an item to buy. [Long]

A blonde walks into a small store and picks an item to she wants to buy. She goes to the only cashier (who is also the manager of the place) and tells him:

"How much is this hair dryer?"

The cashier replies: "This is not for sale".

The blonde returns the item and leaves. Next da...

A massive hailstorm ravages a town...

...leaving plenty of damage in its wake. A blonde takes her hailstone-dented car to a body shop to have the dents removed.

The body shop owner is already swamped with work due to the storm, and decides to have some fun with her. He tells the blonde: "You know, you don't have to pay me to hav...

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Two ants have a race ...

Two ants are standing on the rim of a toilet, trying to outdo each other. "I bet I'm faster than you!" says the first ant, so they agree to race around the rim.

The first ant takes off at top speed, and makes it all the way around in a minute and twenty-three seconds. "Not bad", says ant 2,...

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Old man Richard goes to bed

As Richard closed his eyes and dozed off, he suddenly found himself standing in front Heaven's Gates. Stunned in disbelief, Richard approaches Saint Peter in a panic.

"St. Peter! What happened, why am I in Heaven?"

"Well Richard, you've passed away in your sleep. From now on, the Gates...

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Three men walking through a forest are ambushed by tribals...

...and are taken to the Chief. The Chief says, "I will set you free if you can bring me an offering of a fruit of your choice. Take your time roaming the forest, but be warned that you will be tracked - make any attempt to escape and you will be killed on the spot."

The three men set off, in ...

Two couples go camping in the woods...

Bob and Peter decide to take their wives on a camping trip. When they get to the campsite, Bob says, "Hey Peter, since your wife has never been camping before, why don't I teach her how to set up camp while you take my wife to get firewood." Peter agrees and he and Bob's wife go out into the fores...

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