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Taxpayer Jokes

If U.S. taxpayers had to pay maternity leave....

The right to abortion would be the first amendment.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

The first mathematician orders a beer

The second orders half a beer

"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies

"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2

"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The bartender rema...

How should the American taxpayer recoup Trump's expensive presidency.

Make his eviction pay-per-view.

Donald Trump claimed his trips to Mar-a Lago didn’t cost the taxpayers anything.

He paid for them with Frequent Liar miles.

(Thanks, father in law)

We, the taxpayers, keep paying to send Trump on very expensive trips overseas.

It might be worth it too, except he keeps coming back.

Florida lawmaker Randall Thompson is forced to resign after it is revealed he spent taxpayer money on expensive footwear for his wife.

I guess Randall mishandled his panhandle sandal scandal.

There was a less known James Bond

He used to shoot down Q's ideas for new gadgets, saying they were a waste of good taxpayer's money.

He was known as the savings Bond.

If you owe a bank a hundred dollars, you have a problem.

If you owe the bank a million dollars, the bank has a problem.

If you owe the bank several hundred million dollars, that's the taxpayers' problem.

Prince Harry takes Meghan on a date. Who pays?

The taxpayers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was on my phone reading the news waiting in the supermarket checkout line. A dude came up and asked me, “what’s in the news tonight?”

Me: “Man who pays no taxes returns to government provided housing after receiving free medical treatment from taxpayer funded healthcare.”

Dude: “sounds like some libtard bullshit.”

Me: “Yeah, here is another - Husband of immigrant woman ignores government health guidelines and possibl...

Trump and Macron are discussing leadership and decision making...

Donald Trump asks Emmanuel Macron how he's able to make such great decisions all the time.

Macron says "I make sure to communicate with intelligent people and ask their advice."

Trump: "Well how do you know they're smart?"

Macron: "I ask them riddles. Observe."

He calls ...

At the IRS audit

IRS: According to your tax return you claim got money for nothin' & checks for free.

Taxpayer: Am I in trouble for that?

IRS: We'd say you're in dire straits.

Yo mama's so fat...

Yo mama's so fat that she costs taxpayers millions of dollars each year because she's part of the demographic that negatively affects the costs of healthcare and health insurance in America!

I hope Hilary gets elected.

So taxpayers can save 23% on paying the presidential salary.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

'Economic Stimulus' payment

Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another 'Economic Stimulus' payment.

This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it by
using a Q & A format:


Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment ?

A. It is money that the federal gover...

A quick one for tomorrow's tax day

**IRS Agent:** You can't deduct and umbrella!

**Taxpayer:** Why not? It's overhead, isn't it?

A Taxing Poem

"Taxpayer's Lament"

Tax his cow, Tax his goat;
Tax his pants, Tax his coat;

Tax his crop, Tax his work;
Tax his ties, Tax his shirt;

Tax his chew, Tax his smoke
Teach him taxing is no joke.

Tax his tractor, Tax his mule;
Tell him, Taxing is the rule.

Ta...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Prison vs Work

Prison | Work
:--:|:--:
You spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell. | You spend the majority of your time in a 6X8 cubicle.
You get 3 meals a day. | You get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.
The guard locks and unlock doors for you. | You must carry a card and unl...

A Russian diplomat was visiting Washington DC...

While there, he was invited to a large dinner celebration being held by members of the US government. As he entered the dining hall, he was taken aback by the decor. It was very impressive. Everyone was served fillet mignon. The plates forks and knives were real silver. A small band was playing clas...

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