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Erectile Jokes

Erectile Dysfunction

On his 70th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his wife.

The certificate was for a consultation with an traditional healer, who was well known to have a very good naturopathic cure for erectile dysfunction!

As he despised western medicine, believing the conspiracy theo...

Erectile dysfunction

Is one disease that’s hard to beat.

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Woman sends her husband to the doctor, because he has erectile problems

He comes home with a bottle of pills. Wife asks, "so, did he give you Viagra, or Cialis?"

Guy says, "Neither, he gave me really strong diet pills."

Wife says, "that's weird, why would you have to take diet pills?"

Handing her the bottle, the man says, "They're not for me. You ta...

I decided to put together a support group for erectile dysfunction

It was a big flop and nobody came.

Bill Gates and Elon Musk should team-up and make a medicine to treat erectile dysfunction,

and name it ElonGates.

There's a new erectile dysfunction medicine on the market

Its called mycoxaflopin

I can't believe how many people don't understand erectile dysfunction.

I mean, it's not hard.

i found a great online support group for erectile dysfunction

but the site won’t stay up

My friend is quitting his job at the erectile dysfunction clinic...

He hasn't gotten a raise in years.

[NSFW] What do you call a gamer with erectile dysfunction?

Ubisoft

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Me and my wife agree that I am having some erectile disfunction issues.

Our approaches, however, are different. She bought me a pack of Viagra. I bought her a gym membership.

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A man went to the doctor complaining about erectile dysfunction...

A man went to the doctor and told him that he was having trouble maintaining an erection. After a complete exam the doctor told the man that the muscles around the base of his penis were damaged from a prior viral infection and there was nothing he could do for him.

However, he knew of an exp...

Where do men with erectile dysfunction go to find a job?

Ubisoft

What do waterfalls take when they have erectile dysfunction?

Niagara.

My 12-year-old son asked his grandfather what the worst thing about old age was...

Grandpa answered:

"It's erectile dysfunction."

My son asked:

"But is it really that bad?"

Grandpa replied:

"Imagine someone trying to play snooker with a rope... it's the same thing..."

It ain’t always easy having erectile dysfunction

but it sure as hell ain’t hard

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What do you call a whale with erectile dysfunction?

Mopey Dick

If you guys have more Moby Dick jokes, let me know in the comments

I threw a party for people with erectile disfunction

but nobody came.

Bull has Erectile Dysfunction

Farmer tells a veterinarian that his bull won’t mount the cows because of E.D. The vet says that’s easy to fix the vet walks over to a cow sticks his hand in the cow’s privates and takes his wet hand and rubs it over the nose of the bull. The bull immediately gets excited and mounts the cow. The sa...

Making jokes about some subjects is tough, but with erectile dysfunction..

It isn't very hard.

Anyone know how to diagnose a guy with erectile disfunction? Anyone?

Come on guys, it's really not that hard

Stephen Hawking diagnosed with erectile dysfunction.

It was easy to fix, they just uninstalled his pop-up blocker.

The erectile dysfunction society held a championship fund-raiser the other week...

...But no one made it past the semi-finals

Did you know Jesus had erectile dysfunction?

It took him 3 days to rise again

People always ask me, “How does one cope with erectile dysfunction?”

Honestly, it’s not that hard.

They weird thing about the Erectile Dysfunction support groups is they're always planning meetings (NSFW)

But nobody can come.

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Flawless people must have erectile dysfunction

They never cock up

My friend said her husband has erectile dysfunction

Me: "Well, I guess your husband has thrust issues."


I'll see myself out.

My doctor said he could give me some aids for my erectile dysfunction.

I told him that didn't sound like a good trade.

I'm starting an app for men with erectile dysfunction

I'm calling it Tender

I had to apologize to my friend for making fun of his erectile dysfunction.

I said, “Hope there are no hard feelings.”

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Whats it called when a black guy has erectile dysfunction?

Black cock down

This is an important statement about erectile dysfunction and male virility.

What, you thought it would be a joke? The punchline isn't coming.

Elon Musk and Bill Gates have decided to partner in a joint venture to invent a medication to overcome erectile dysfunction.

They have decided to name the new drug 'Elongates'.

[nsfw]The hospitals new director is an idiot. He commissioned a huge chandelier for the main lobby that humanizes those living with erectile disfunction. The entire board told him not to do it and that they wouldn't be attending the unveiling.

It's unfortunate because it was well hung, difficult to get up, and nobody came.

Police say a Maryland man stole $369 worth of erectile dysfunction and insomnia meds from a pharmacy

Apparently he wanted to stay up but not stay up.

Yo, I'm your DJ, erectile dysfunction

I'm going to make sure you all go hard, even though I can't

I tried making a group for men with erectile dysfunction.

Turns out it was harder than I thought.

Who was the first man diagnosed with erectile dysfunction?

Cain.

He wasn't Abel.

I asked my wife if she felt my erectile dysfunction has improved since I got on meds…

She said I’ve got room to grow.

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A Man Goes to the Doctor About His Erectile Dysfunction

“Doc I can’t perform in bed and it’s killing my dating life.”


The doctor replies, “I have just the thing,” and hands the man a bottle of pills. “These will allow you to get an erection, but only when lying on your back. Just tell her she should be on top.”
The man agrees to try it, des...

Did you hear about the guy with erectile dysfunction who was aroused by tastes and smells?

It took a while, but he finally came to his senses.

Doctor: You’ve got erectile disfunction

No hard feelings.

Did you hear that Trump is a spokesman for a new erectile dysfunction pill?

It’s called “Ensurerection”

I'm now doing a report on the erectile dysfunction medicine market.

From what I've gathered, there's stiff competiton.

My computer has erectile dysfunction.

The D doesn’t work.

I watched a film about a giant crocodile with erectile dysfunction....

Lake Flaccid.

I've been trying to hide my erectile dysfunction from my girlfriend...

But I just don't think I can keep it up for much longer.

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My doctor asked me how my sex life is with Erectile Dysfunction

I replied, “Ever try playing pool with a rope?”

I had a joke about erectile dysfunction saved on my phone...

but it's taking awhile to get up

Earlier today I saw this dude walking out of an erectile dysfunction support group. He looked like a douche, so I tried to fight him. But no luck...

It's almost impossible to get a rise out of those people.

Whoever said 'laughter is the best medicine'...

...clearly never suffered from erectile dysfunction.

I heard the Argentina team has erectile dysfunction

because they never finish

Did you hear about the guy who has reverse erectile dysfunction?

He having a real hard time at the moment.

There's one thing you should know about living with erectile dysfunction

It's just not as hard as it used to be

I organised a support group meeting for individuals with erectile dysfunction.

Though around 20 people registered, many couldn't come.

I have been meaning to discuss erectile dysfunction with my wife.

But it hasn't come up yet.

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Erectile dysfunction is a serious condition.

It ain't nothing to fuck with.

An elderly lady went to the doctor to discuss her stubborn husband's erectile dysfunction

Upon explaining the situation to the doctor, he told her to take these little blue pills, slip one in his coffee, and he would be good to go in no time. So later that day, the elderly lady and her husband are having coffee and she slips a pill into his without him noticing. Shortly after, he picks u...

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A chap goes to the doctor about his erectile disfunction

A chap goes to the doctor about his erection, and the kindly doctor prescribes him some Viagra. He explains to him that he needs to take it an hour before the act, so the next night the chap gets home early and prepares a romantic dinner for his wife.

He then calls her in the office where she...

What does my dad and a guy with erectile dysfunction have in common?

Neither of them are coming.

OK.

What genius decided to call it Erectile Dysfunction and not Ballzheimer's?

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Now that generic versions of Viagra are available, there are several low-cost options to treat erectile dysfunction.

Ask your doctor if coxaphlopin is right for you.

A man experiencing erectile dysfunction

A man experiencing erectile dysfunction goes to see a doctor. The doctor asks him about his eating habits, whether he exercises or not, and what he does for a living. After considering everything he has heard, he asks to see a picture of the man's wife. The man opens his wallet and shows him. The do...

How come doctors often forget to ask about erectile dysfunction?

It just never comes up

A newly released Harvard study links NFL head trauma to erectile dysfunction...

The players could sue but I dont think it would stand up in court.

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I thought a high quality sex doll would help with my erectile dysfunction.

But it turns out good plastic is hard to come by.

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A guy had an erectile dysfunction and went to the doctor...

... the doctor gave him a little pill and told him:
"Take this the next time you drink a coffee with your wife nearby."
Four days later the man again visits his doc:
"Doc this didn't work out. I did like you told me. Coffee with wife, take the pill! I immediately noticed the effect and te...

I asked the librarian for the latest book on erectile dysfunction.

She tapped the keys to her computer keyboard and said..

"It's not coming up!"...

I said.."Yeah!...that's the one!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After extensive research, I've found out that bacon can cure erectile dysfunction.

In other words, I fucked a pig

My dad recently joined a support group for people with erectile dysfunction...

Their slogan is: "If You Can't Beat 'em, Join 'em.

Did you hear about the new nightclub that opened called "Erectile Dysfunction"?

No? I'm not surprised; it was a complete flop. Nobody came.

After developing erectile dysfunction, a man tries all the medically recognised treatment...

Pharmaceuticals, change in diet etc. Nothing worked. At the end of his rope, he gives a medicine man a try. The medicine man gives him a natural remedy and tells him, "When you're ready for it to take effect, say, '1,2,3'. When you're done, say, '1,2,3,4'."
The medicine man assured him it would w...

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What do you call it when a programmer with a small dick and erectile dysfunction jacks off but doesn't let himself cum?

Microsoft Edge

The doctor said I’d suffer with erectile dysfunction...

But it hasn’t given me a hard time

The doctor wanted to know if i have erectile dysfunctions and if i could tell him about it.

I told him " It's not hard to talk about it"

When do you know you're getting erectile dysfunction?

When it gets harder and harder to get harder

Why is visiting Taj Mahal before you reach your destination a cure for erectile dysfunction?

Coz it forces you to take the via Agra route

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So, an older gentleman with erectile dysfunction goes to the doctor..

...the doc scratches his chin and looks at him for a while, and then clicks his fingers.
"I've got just the thing for you! This is a rather new medicine, having just cleared the last phases of clinical trial. You'll feel like you're twenty again!"
"Anything to get old Jimbob back in the le...

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I'm holding a benefit for people with erectile dysfunction or orgasm issues.

If you can't come, let me know.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I was listening to the radio the other day and an ad came on: “Do you suffer from premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction?”

And I thought to myself, “No but my girlfriend probably does.”

A husband and wife are in the doctor's office

The wife says "doctor, my husband suffers from erectile dysfunction". The husband interjects "well, technically it's her who suffers from it".

What’s the difference between a man who’s paralyzed and one who has erectile dysfunction

One can get up in the morning the other can get it up in the morning

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