My f‌‌riend c‌‌an't a‌‌fford t‌‌o p‌‌ay h‌‌is w‌‌ater b‌‌ill a‌‌nymore so I‌‌ s‌‌ent h‌‌im a‌‌ c‌‌ard.

"‌‌Get w‌‌ell s‌‌oon"

Joe the Carpenter

Joe was a simple and serious man. He was a carpenter in a small village named Arge Oaks where he owned the store "Joe's Carpentry."

For years Joe impressed his fellow neighbors with the highest quality carpentry work. Some people in town complained he was a bit too expensive, but no one ever...

What did the Hobbits scream as they were riding the Ents into battle against Isengard?

Run, Forest, run!

A guy goes to the ENT Doctor and says:

"Listen doc, my wife is slowly becoming deaf. What should I do? How can I cure her?"
The doctor answers: "Well, take her to me and I'll see what I can do."
But the guy says: "No, I don't want to."
The doctor is surprised and says: "Why? How can I make a diagnose without seeing her?" ...

What are Entities?

They are how you tell girl Ents from boy Ents.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A husband goes to an ENT doctor, fed up with his wife's hearing problem.

Husband: Doctor, I am frustrated with my wife's hearing or lack there of. It feels like I am talking to myself all the time. Please help.

Doctor: Where is your wife?

Husband: I called her many times, she didn't respond. I angrily left my home to meet you.

Doctor: Since she is no...

What do you call a baby ent?

Infantry (Infant-tree)

So I went to the zoo

They only had one animal.

It was a shih tzu

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A m‌‌other w‌‌as w‌‌alking d‌‌own t‌‌he h‌‌all w‌‌hen s‌‌he h‌‌eard a‌‌ h‌‌umming s‌‌ound c‌‌oming f‌‌rom h‌‌er d‌‌aughter's b‌‌edroom. W‌‌hen s‌‌he o‌‌pened t‌‌he d‌‌oor s‌‌he f‌‌ound h‌‌er d‌‌aughter n‌‌aked o‌‌n t‌‌he b‌‌ed w‌‌ith a‌‌ v‌‌ibrator.

What a‌‌re y‌‌ou d‌‌oing?", s‌‌he e‌‌xclaimed.

The d‌‌aughter r‌‌eplied, "‌‌I'm 3‌‌5 a‌‌nd s‌‌till l‌‌iving a‌‌t h‌‌ome w‌‌ith m‌‌y p‌‌arents a‌‌nd t‌‌his i‌‌s t‌‌he c‌‌losest I‌‌'ll e‌‌ver g‌‌et t‌‌o a‌‌ h‌‌usband."

Later t‌‌hat w‌‌eek t‌‌he f‌‌ather w‌‌as i‌‌n t‌‌he k‌‌itchen a‌‌nd h...

What did the doctor say to the Ent with a bad back?

You need lumbar support.

What did the Ents yell as they attacked Isengard?

Ambush.

Why is it a bad idea to mess with ents?

They'll call the copse.

What do you call an army of baby Ents?

Infantree.

What do you call a sad Ent?

Mourning wood.

A urologist and a ear nose and throat doctor are golfing

When one of them sees an owl asleep in a tree by the ninth hole. The urologist looks over to the ENT doc and says “hey! I bet you 200$ I can give that owl a vasectomy without it waking up!”
The ENT doc says “you’re on!” The urologist goes up to the owl, rubs a special spot on its neck and perfor...

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What do boobs on talking trees and spirits have in common?

They are both entitties.

A farmer increased the yield of his apple tree by cross breeding it with a salmon

He said it was quite a fish ent.

A-B-C-D-E-F-G-H-I-J-K-phosphorus-Q-R-S-T-U-V-W-X-Y and Z.

"Umm.. Why did you say phosphorus?"

Because it is the ....EL-EM-ENT-AL P.

What do you call an Ent prince who betrays his dad?

Treason

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Doctors were asked if we should reopen the country. Here's what the experts said:

Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.

Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconcepti...

My grandfather told me this In German so it might already be posted somewhere here, oh and it's translated

Two guys are riding bicycles down the street.

One of the bikes fenders was loose and was making a loud noise.

So the first guy said to the second guy
"Hey your fender is too loud"

The second guy says "what?"

The first guy speaks louder
"your fender is too loud" <...

Eldarion, son of Aragorn, High King of the Reunited Kingdom, was bored.

In a time of peace, there was not much to do, and he was long tired of his jesters. So he called for all of his subordinates, and announced a new prestigious title to which all are given candidacy; the title of “Duke of the Best Joke”.

&nbsp;

Not wanting to disappoint, Finance Mini...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Doctors

Two doctors decide to go on a hunting trip. The first is a urologist, specializing in vasectomies, and the other is an ENT specializing in tonsillectomies. They set up in their blind and sit all day without seeing anything. Disappointed, they make their hike back to the truck. On the way back they c...

A tale of Middle Earth

In the land of Gondor there lived one of the most renowned gardeners in all of Middle Earth.


All the various people would come to Master Kizal for healing herbs that could be found nowhere except his gardens. The Elves would come to him for rare tree saplings and advice on how to care f...

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What does a circle have in common with a knight who can only achieve orgasm with a talking tree?

Sir Cum for Ents

After that whole ring fiasco, Gandalf was in the Shire talking with Merry and Pippen...

"So, you went through the dark forest and met my friends the tree hearders. The Ents. Tell me about your journey."

Merry began. "They were all so big and mean and full of energy. All they did was rant and insult us!"

"Most of them, yes!" added Pippen. "Then we met old Gnarly Bark. He w...

What do you call a pear tree that walks, talks, and has a son?

Isn't it obvious? I think it's a pear Ent.

What do you call a restless tree with nothing to say?

No calm ent...

I’ve been writing a fantasy world.

At first I thought it’d have two nature deities: a tree-person for the land and a mermaid-like being for the ocean.

But then I thought that combining the two would be more “a fish-ent”.

I met a man in the woods

He explained that he wanted to tell similar trees apart by stamping unique numbers on each one.

But I had no use for his nonce ents.

Why did the comedian go to Russia to cut down a tree?

Because the real joke is always in the Commie Ents.

What do you call a Tolkien tree creature that bears a certain type of fall fruit?

I don’t know either, but it should be A Pear Ent.

What do you call a group of cool trees trying to get an education?

Stud Ents

I was at a party in middle earth last night. TreeBeard got wasted and started dunking hobbits into a giant punch-bowl of booze. The dwarves laughed and begged for a turn. Soon, a queue of creatures had formed on his branches, eager to take the plunge. I didn’t get in line. I knew it was a trick…

Because the real punch-line is always in the calm ents

If Excel had a record label....

It would be Excel ENT.


I'll see myself out.

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