UPJOKE
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I cracked open two eggs for breakfast this morning. One had two yolks, the other had a little chunk of steak.

The double-yolker was great! The meaty-yolker was just okay.

Why are cooks funny?

They can crack yolks.

I fondly remember the good times of living in the Netherlands eating egg yolk based sauces

... ahhhh the hollandaise

A guy was eating breakfast before a final exam

For good luck, he was going to eat one long peice of bacon representing a 1 and two eggs representing the two 0s making a 100.

But after he ate the bacon and took a bite out of the first egg, he found out it had two yolks in it.

He thought about it for a second a decided not eat the se...

I recently went to a comedy restaurant, and there was a chicken with a speech impediment on stage...

The food was great, but the yolks were terrible...

The Yolks

just white themselves

How to know if there's more than one yolk in an egg?

You can use an eggs-ray.

Years ago I made friends with an egg yolk that was extremely shy.

But over time I helped it come out of it's shell.

Why can't a rotten egg become a comedian?

He only has bad yolks

A Travelling Salesman Whose Car Has Broken

A travelling salesman whose car has broken down goes to the door of the closest farmhouse.
The farmer says, “You can spend the night but you’ll have to share a room with my daughter.”
The daughter, a gorgeous 20-something, winks at him over her father’s shoulder.
“Oh, I don’t mind that,” ex...

[Long] I was working the register of a pharmacy when a woman came up to me asking for breath mints.

I pointed her to the candy aisle and told her they were about halfway down on the left.

She said that she'd been down there already, and that all of the mints had loads of sugar in them, and if she them they'd make her hyper and overly excited.

I had never heard of anyone getting too e...

what does an egg call it’s suburban hometown?

new yolk city

What is it called when you crack an egg and two yolks come out?

An anomalette

What sound does a drinking egg make?

Yolk yolk yolk yolk

Dad joke to his daughter

Daughter: How do they know Humpty Dumpty was an egg? They never mention that in the story.

Dad: You wouldn't understand sweety, it's an inside yolk.

Daughter: You crack me up Dad

Dad: Hey good one

This is no yolk

A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head.

The bartender asks, "Why have you got a fried egg on your head?"

The man replies, "Because boiled eggs fall off

Every recipe for meatballs I find says to crack open a couple of eggs into some ground beef.

I guess that's why the two yolk is always in the cow mince

I got Food poisoning from eating raw eggs

Salmonella isn’t a yolk, I hope this is over easy..I’m feeling all scrambled.

Old farmer Joe is checking on his chickens

He notices that one of his chickens, Betty, is producing more eggs than any other chicken on the farm. What’s even more interesting is that they all look identical: same little freckle on the top, same patterns, even exactly the same colour! “This really is unusual,” he exclaims, and decides to inve...

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The Farmer's Daughter

On a cold rainy evening, a salesman's car ran out of gas. Not wanting to spend the night in the car, the man sought help. Within 5 minutes the salesman spotted a barn yard light and proceeded to it. He knocked on the house door and an older farmer greeted him there.

The salesman explained he ...

Timmy Got a Job!

Timmy boy, a young hobo who left home in search for wealth, got his 14th job in the 3 months he has been traveling. His first shift at Bob’s Animal Candies Inc. started at 9 am, Tuesday. After working for hours at the breath fresheners’ line, he began to get bored, so Timmy decided to take a break t...

Wanna hear a joke about eggs?

Nah, you'll crack up because my yolks, are egg-celent. Note: I've told this joke at least 12 dozen times

*true story. I dropped an egg on my feet while cooking breakfast

I guess the yolk's on me...

Can I tell you an egg joke? Its gonna “crack” you up!

Sorry I got so eggcited I forgot what the yolk was.

Why are eggs such good comedians?

They have the best yolks. (Jokes). I’m sorry

Imagine if roosters laid eggs.

So many dad yolks at our disposal.

Redditors are like eggs

They come in many different colours and sizes, but deep down they all have the same yolks.

An American tourist is traveling in Thailand and stops over in a small border village for a meal. While the inside of the restaurant is rather small and modest, it does have a beautifully designed ant farm covering most of one wall. Curious, he asks the old man running the restaurant about it.

“Ah,” says the old man. “I use the ant eggs to make a dish called maengman chom. The Cambodians who visit here especially love it; they spend so many riel on it that I had that display made to show off the ants. It’s a specialty of mine; would you like to try some?”

“Ant eggs are a little exo...

I made my family laugh while cooking eggs

What a great yolk

I only eat the center of the egg.

Just yolking.

How do chickens become comedians?

By having more than one good yolk.

What type of singing do chickens do?

Yolk-aling

A very smooth talking cow

Grazed in a pasture near the chicken coop. The most delicious plants, the spearmint leaves, sat at the edge of the fence where the chickens perched. Whenever the cow would come by she'd eat the leaves, and then smooth talk the chickens with her minty fresh breath. The chickens would eventually ge...

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One day a Redditor decided to turn his life around...

The Redditor decided to buy a cookbook that came with the ingredients for a cake. He preheated the oven. He added in the butter and sugar; things were going well. The Redditor read out the instructions: ‘Add vanilla and eggs’. He added in the vanilla and cracked open an egg... nothing came out. He g...

What did the egghead say to the pothead?

"Why are you laughing? Is it the yolk?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 men are in a plane...

They get bored and decide to throw stuff out the hatch/door. First guy took an egg and tossed it. Watched, watched, and nothing happened. Second guy took a rock and threw it. Watched, watched, and nothing happened. Third guy took a grenade and tossed it. Watched, watched, and nothing happened.
A...

What did Humpty Dumpty say to his girlfriend when she said they were breaking up?

Is this some sort of yolk?

Not a joke...

What did one egg white say to the other egg white?

There’s no yolk here.

An egg was on stage

He was telling lots of eggcelent yolks that made the crowd crack up

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man went to visit his 90 year old Grandfather

A man went to visit his 90 year old Grandfather. His Grandfather lived in a very remote, secluded, rural area of the state. After spending the night at the house, his Grandfather prepared a breakfast of eggs and bacon. As the man was eating he noticed a film like substance on the plate, and he asked...

Jokes about eggs are great, but..

.. the real yolk is always in the comments.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the cell brother say to his cell sister when she stepped on his toe?

Mitosis

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call an egg that always gets picked on?

The butt of every yolk :(

A Mexican comedian walks into a chicken farm

and starts breaking all the eggs.

The chicken farmer gets really mad and yells at him, "What are you doing?"

The comedian goes, "Well ese, I am in a bit of a rut and I am just looking for some good yolks"

I once found an egg with two chickens in it

That was my best yolk.

What can you expect from a bad egg comedian?

He's constantly scrambling to fry and crack you up with some "egg-celent" yolk, but boil boy are they bad.

Why does r/jokes smell like rotten eggs?

Because it's full of bad yolks.

Vegans can be so uptight.

They should learn to take a yolk.

Three German artillerymen were on probation for lackluster performance.

To secure continued enlistment in the military, they had to take a test that involved firing an egg out of a cannon, towards their commanding officer. They needed to use the smallest angle necessary to fire the egg in a way that didn't hit their CO.

The first man fired too low and hit the CO...

How did the rooster get a lot of chicks?

A lot of good yolks!

A German went to the store to pick up some eggs. But all the eggs at the store were rotten.

I guess you could say it was a bad yolk.

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