UPJOKE
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A man died after drinking varnish.

It was a terrible end, but a beautiful finish.

My friend drowned himself in a vat of varnish. He had a horrible end,

...but a lovely finish.

My uncle drank a whole bottle of wood varnish

He had a horrible death but a lovely finish

My friend drank a tin of wood varnish

In the beginning the death throes were terrible, but a lovely finish.

(This joke was invented and told to me by my uncle Raymond when I was a little kid)

is this funny?

****THE TOILET SEAT****

My wife, Judy, had been after me for several weeks to varnish the wooden seat on our toilet.

Finally, I got around to doing it while Judy was out. After finishing, I left to take care of another matter before she returned.

She came home and undressed to t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young man is sitting in a tavern in a small town in Italy, drinking and looking glum. A stern looking local man approaches him and asks, "What's wrong my friend?"

He says "My partner left me for another man."


"Ah, life can be cruel" says the local. "Take me, I built this bar with my bare hands. Foundation to chimney. You think they call me Mario the builder? No. Come with me."


Mario takes the man to the window.


"You see...

Old Joke but a good one

One day a grandpa watches his grandson pull a worm out of the ground. He tells his grandson he'll give him $10 if he can put it back. The grandson brushes varnish on the worm and when it is stiff he puts it in the ground. The grandfather gives him $10.
The next day he gives his grandson $10 again...

As a woodworker, I love the final stages of a project

All the little impurities and errors go away. It's a real varnishing act.

Carmelo and his brother Dave sat together admiring the size of his vast, but empty backyard.

"Hey Carm," says Dave "we should do something with your yard. Maybe a pool or something."

Carmelo glanced over grinning.

"Way ahead of you man. I've already hired a company to spruce the place up. Actually, I have a sub-contractor coming over tomorrow for the deck."

...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tick Marks

The afternoon before the wedding, the groom Josh and his dad Dave are sharing a drink among the guests. Dave makes a bet with his son… …

“$500, even money, that I can shag your mother tonight more times than you fuck the brains out of your new filly,” dad says. …

It sounds like a sur...

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