This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

My personal trainer told me to eat all of my meals naked in front of a mirror to help me eat less.

It didn't do anything for me, but boy were the other people in the restaurant pissed off.

A woman came home to find her husband sleeping with another woman.

Distraught, the wife leave the house and decides to go and seek the advice of a wise monk who lives on a mountain.

The wife travels up the mountain to the monk and asks him for advice. The monk thinks for a minute and then offers the wife a cookie, she accepts and eats it, he then offers her ...

Russian joke

Dad: Looks like vodka will become more expensive.

Son: Dad, are you going to drink less now?

Dad: No, son, now you are going to eat less.

"Bad news son, the price of Vodka has risen", said the father. "Does that mean that you will drink less", asks the son.

"No, you will eat less."

I have achieved the peak ramen-to-income ratio.

If I make more money, I'll eat less ramen.

And if I make any less money, I'll also eat less ramen.

Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people.

So overweight people are now average, which means you have met your New Year's resolution.


Happy new year!

Alcohol and food

A little boy climbs onto his father's knee.

"Daddy," he says, his wide eyes bright with optimism. "Now that alcohol is so expensive, does that mean you'll drink less?"

The father laughs.

"No, my son," he replies. "It means you'll eat less."

Why have no Italians ever lost an eating contest at a Thai restaurant?

Because even if they eat less, they can still say โ€œits-a Thai!โ€.

Lots of Russian jokes recently, here is another one.

A boy sits on his couch and sees a newspaper there. Curious he picks it up and reads the front headline: "Vodka Prices on the Rise." He shows this to his dad and says:
"Dad does this mean you are going to drink less?"
Dad: "No son, this means you are going to eat less."

Young Forever

Nutritionists say people who eat less tend to be younger in appearance. It is true. One of my friends hadn't eaten for 10 days, he's forever 25 years old now.

At the rise of the USSR....

Vodka prices were raised. One day a man came home, and was complaining about it. In response his daughter asked, "Daddy, does this mean you're gonna drink less?"
he responded, "no this means you're gonna eat less."

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